Great Expectations
by Cinnamunk
Summary: With a surprise baby on the way, a shotgun wedding to plan, and an exceedingly traditional clan to at least try and keep placated, Sakura and Sasuke find their hands fuller than ever. Sequel to Good Vibrations. SasuSaku. Non-mass AU. Fluff/lemon with some soapy angst/drama.
1. Sakura's Secret

_[AN: Hello and welcome to the sequel of "Good Vibrations"! I ended up casually starting this a month or two ago and rather liked where it went, so I figured I might as well start posting. If you haven't read "Good Vibrations," I do suggest doing so, but it's not exactly required reading (ie, yes, this follow-up can be read as a standalone). Please note that I'm going for light and fluffy with this tale (with some vaguely soap operatic drama thrown in for spice)... the only thing in common with the Charles Dickens novel is the story title. As with the prequel, this content is most definitely rated M for mature themes, mature activities, and language. I do not own the characters, and I greatly appreciate any feedback, favorites, and/or follows you care to share. Also, while I intend for this to be a multi-chapter story, utterly no promises as to when the second chapter will be out. I've got some travelling lined up this fall and am also actively working on another story, so it might be a good few weeks (or less, if inspiration strikes). Thanks for stopping by, and happy reading!]_

Life was going swimmingly for Haruno Sakura. At the tender age of twenty-five, under the mentorship of the formidable Senju Tsunade, she was Konoha's number 2 medic, one of just a few shinobi in the village entrusted with the medical care of ANBU guardsmen, clan heads and heirs, and even, when her _Shishou_ was indisposed, the Hokage himself, Namikaze Minato. Given her value within the village, she didn't often have the opportunity to display it, but she was also a full-fledged jonin, with chakra control that was arguably _better_ than the Slug Sannin's and fists that could make even a _jinchuuriki_ tremble. Add to that the fact that she was a member of the legendary Team Seven, a seemingly mismatched trio of genin that had through some remarkable odds actually measured up to their infamous _sensei's_ reputation, and she was undeniably one heck of a kunoichi on paper.

Socially speaking, Sakura had always struggled somewhat - thanks no doubt to Ino's larger-than-life shadow - but lately that front had clicked into place for her as well. Well, she'd never really had a problem _making_ friends. The Konoha Twelve was, on the whole, a welcoming bunch - _or, at least, she, Naruto, Hinata, Tenten, Kiba, Chouji, and, debatably, Lee and Ino were welcoming -_ to which she was exceedingly happy to be an integral member. It was really romance that had time and again let her down. That being said, after a girlhood of often embarrassing pining, an adolescence of trying (and probably failing) not to be a lovestruck little idiot, and a young adulthood of walking on eggshells alternated with trying (and once again failing) to shift her affections towards someone a little less unattainable, she was, as of her birthday night five-and-change weeks ago, dating the guy of her dreams. The admittedly broody; darkly, desperately handsome; often emotionally frustrating, but oh so talented; at times, surprisingly sensitive Uchiha Sasuke. And it was going well… so well that it was almost scary.

Although, maybe not when one looked at the full context of the relationship. For their start as a couple had been more or less as rocky as one could get: a one-night stand that had left her emotionally wounded and wishing for more and him running scared from a commitment he didn't believe himself capable of making. That being said, thanks to Ino's conniving ways, a timely assist from Shisui, one hell of a make-up session, and some magic on the part of his impressively resourceful mother - which wasn't _all_ that much of a surprise, for Mikoto-san was a full-blooded Uchiha and jonin in her own right - they'd worked their way through the seemingly insurmountable conundrum that was Sasuke's ANBU obligation to a place of committed bliss.

 _Or... as steady as a relationship between a couple of jonin shinobi in their mid-twenties_ could _be._ Sakura's schedule at Konoha General since they became an item was keeping her busy as ever, and Tsunade was beginning to hint at retirement, a thought that had Sakura alternatively gravitating towards punching a hole through her office wall and curling up under her desk in the fetal position. Meanwhile, Sasuke may have traded his breakneck ANBU missions for a comparatively cushy position as Acting Uchiha Clan Head - "AUCH," for short… a silly little acronym that had made Sakura giggle and Sasuke scowl when she'd first thought of it - but that didn't exactly give him copious quantities of free time. He was home in the village each night, and they tried to take advantage of that little factoid, but his days were jam-packed with enough clan meetings, briefings, consultations, and High Council appointments to make even the most acrobatic _shurikenjutsu_ user's head spin.

Then, of course, there was the inescapable legacy of the Uchiha name itself. For Sasuke came from a somewhat infamous clan with a distinct culture and a proud sense of tradition, not to mention sky-high expectations. All of this was perfectly understandable, with definite advantages, but it was also a bit, well, _prohibitive_ , particularly when it came to certain expectations involving how exactly clan heirs (and, apparently also, AUCHs) were to comport themselves. _At all times_. Fortunately, Sasuke agreed with Sakura's fervent belief that the rules that barred him from one-on-one dates, relationships with kunoichi lacking the surname "Uchiha," and physical contact beyond handholding until after marriage were positively absurd, and his parents seemed to go along with his decision (or were willing to turn a blind eye). In truth, given his pre-Sakura dalliances and colorful ANBU history - the former of which she preferred _not_ to think about - the clan Elders were about ten years too late to enforce archaic notions such as chastity and purity of the bloodline on Sasuke. That being said, since has appointment as AUCH, a few of the older, most influential ones had expressed a disturbing amount of interest in trying.

But that was a minor inconvenience. Sakura really had little to complain about. _If only she could shake the mysterious ailment she'd been suffering from for the past few weeks._

It had come on the same weekend as Hinata's bachelorette bash, around the middle of April. Taken individually, her symptoms - on-and-off achiness, occasional bouts of nausea, an increased interest in midday naps, digestive issues, and a sudden hatred of _umeboshi_ , one of her very favorite foods - weren't particularly remarkable. But the fact that she was experiencing them all at once and saw no sign of improvement _or_ worsening was a bit… peculiar.

She'd initially written the illness off as the vestige of her bachelorette-induced hangover. For Hanabi had turned out to be way more a Hyuga wildchild than any of them had expected, keeping them dancing, drinking, and feting her increasingly pink-cheeked older sister until the sun was high in the sky and even Ino was suggesting they call it a morning. When Sakura still felt kind of off over a week later - following the wedding weekend itself - she decided she'd come down with a nagging case of food poisoning. (She _knew_ the shrimp cocktail that she and Sasuke had split at the reception had been a bad idea; fortunately, his digestive system was seemingly more impervious to questionable shellfish.) After that, the food poisoning had transformed into what _had_ to be a blessedly mild case of the flu… or maybe just some unusual manifestations of her spring allergies. The cherry trees were in bloom, after all, and they'd made her sneeze ever since she was a child.

But now, three plus weeks into her malady with no improvement in sight, she was feeling less than sanguine about casually ignoring her symptoms. For, over the past few days, her medic-nin mind had begun connecting the dots... wondering if it was something else. Something… _chronic_.

Thanks to her career, Sakura knew that the possibilities were seemingly endless and potentially life altering, not to mention more than a little scary. A thyroid issue… Crohn's… an anxiety disorder... IBD… cancer… she'd diagnosed them all in others more than once. But diagnosing _herself_? It wasn't something she found herself eager to do. Which was why she was currently perched somewhat gingerly on the side of the medical examination table in her _Shishou's_ office, clad in one of those hellaciously ugly paper hospital gowns under which lurked a lacy, hot pink thong - for Sasuke showed a surprising enthusiasm for the color on her given his own personal penchant for everything midnight - and feeling distinctly nervous (not to mention a little gassy) as Tsunade began the conversational side of her examination, full lips set in a straight line and style militant as ever as she barked out question after question.

"So, bloatedness, generalized exhaustion, nagging nausea, tender breasts, and mood swings, eh? _Very interesting…_ " The Hospital Director tapped her pen thoughtfully against her notepad before jotting down two or three completely illegible bullets.

"I have _not_ been experiencing mood swings!"

Tsunade chuckled, full lips turning up in an indulgent smile. "The walls around here have ears. I understand that you demolished a chair in the break room yesterday afternoon because Yoshi _dared_ to take the last strawberry _daifuku_ while you were in surgery. Tsk, tsk, Sakura-chan. Temper, temper."

Sakura grimaced. _She had gone a bit overboard there._ Although Emi's _daifuku_ were the best thing ever - the perfect accompaniment to an afternoon cup of coffee - and she'd had one hell of a sweet tooth lately. _Yes, it was really all Yoshi's fault. He_ knew _the treat had basically had her name on it, the greedy bastard! Besides, the staff room furniture was cheap crap… little more than plywood glued together. It could happen to_ anyone _..._

Fortunately, Tsunade seemed to feel that there was little to be gained from contesting that point or giving her _another_ lecture about keeping her chakra-enhanced strength in check. _Or perhaps she realized how incredibly hypocritical such statements were._ Instead, clearing her throat, her tone turned somewhat more clinical. "Now then, tell me about your current habits. What have you been eating lately? Any big changes? You haven't been _dieting_ again, have you?" Honey eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"No, _Shishou_! Don't be ridiculous!" That had been a sticking point during their earliest days, back when Sakura had still thought that long hair, a tiny waist, and constant fangirling were the three keys to Uchiha Sasuke's seemingly impervious little heart. "I've been eating better than ever, actually. Mikoto-san is a _wonderful_ cook, and she's been insisting that I join Sasuke-kun's family for dinner at least three nights a week now that my parents are living outside of Konoha."

Tsunade's lips twitched downwards into a full-on frown at _that_. _Dammit, how could she have forgotten?_ Given how busy the hospital had been over the past month with springtime check-ups, they hadn't really discussed her new relationship yet, and, being a Senju, her _Shishou_ was no Uchiha fan. _This could get ugly._ "Hmph. That's right, you and that dratted Uchiha boy are _together_ , aren't you? I trust he's less of a pompous, emotionally stunted brat when he's not in public. _And_ that he's cleaned up his act a bit now that he's no longer an anonymous ANBU operative. I'm _sure_ you've heard the rumors given how many ANBU kunoichi you handle, but _Chidori_ isn't the only technique he's said to have inherited from that commitment-phobic _sensei_ of yours, you know. When it comes to your love life, I've got no business telling you what to do, but I'd tread carefully with that one."

 _Ugh, those pesky rumors again._ Yes, Sakura knew _all_ about those... Sasuke's reputation on the ANBU circuit as _the_ perfect casual lay, his alleged seduction and subsequent assassination of at least three S-class kunoichi over the past year, his aptitude for "fucking and ducking," as Ino had so elegantly put it over cocktails just last Tuesday. Sakura had even experienced that last technique firsthand… but she wasn't about to give her already disgruntled mentor any more ammo against her boyfriend at the moment. Besides, the ANBU assignments and random hookups were things of the past; Sasuke had made that perfectly clear in a myriad of ways since her birthday night.

And so, Sakura returned the woman's glare with as much fire as she could while clad in a paper gown, seated on the edge of an examination table, and feeling pretty crappy. There was little she could say to really change her _Shishou'_ s mind given the Senju blood that ran through her veins, but her mentor had trained her to be a fighter. _Besides, legendary Sannin and her boss or not, she wasn't about to let the woman get off unscathed after smearing the man she loved._ "Tsunade-sama, that's very unfair. Sasuke's doing a wonderful job of managing the Uchiha clan these days… you yourself know what a difficult bunch they can be. He's an incredibly loyal partner, and he's doting in his own way. Just because he's not outwardly emotive all the time doesn't mean he doesn't _care_ …"

The woman waved her manicured right hand, rolling her eyes in what Sakura recognized with a grin of satisfaction as grudging acquiescence. "Fine, _fine_. I don't need all the _gory_ details like certain raunchy Yamanaka heiresses. I just hope he realizes what he _has_. But let's turn our attention back to a potentially related subject... your mysterious ailment. Believe it or not, I think I'm closing in on a diagnosis, but I'm going to need you to answer a few more questions for me. _Honestly_."

Sakura tossed her hair dismissively. _For Kami's sake. Tsunade had seen her through her_ teenage _years._ The woman had even walked in on her exceedingly sloppy first kiss with Naruto, a decade ago in room 226B after he'd almost snuffed it on that B-class mission to Hidden Grass. _What could she_ possibly _have left to lie about?_

Her mentor pursed her lips somewhat knowingly. "You're sexually active these days?"

 _Oh. Well, there was that._ Sakura squirmed in her seat, her cheeks turning rosy like a sixteen year old being asked by her mother to explain why exactly there was a used condom on the floor of her bedroom. For, thrilled as she was to be sleeping with Sasuke, Sakura hadn't yet become comfortable with the idea of _talking_ about it with anyone other than him yet, to Ino's great disappointment. _Of all the things that Tsunade could have asked..._

A practical little voice suddenly spoke up from instead her head, strident tone somewhat reminiscent of Tenten at her most pragmatic. _Hang on, Sakura-chan. You are twenty-five years old. You are_ allowed _to have sex with your boyfriend. With_ anyone _you damn well please, really (not that you actually intend to sleep with anyone other than Sasuke for the foreseeable future, of course!)._ _It's not a_ crime. _It's not_ embarrassing _. And certainly not when you're talking to your medic, who has_ definitely _heard it all before (and some, given that her old teammate happens to be Jiraiya). Even if the woman_ does _happen to be your direct supervisor at the hospital, not to mention the most significant mentor in your professional life..._

"Yes. I am." Sakura replied shortly, willing the blush to subside from her complexion.

Tsunade nodded shortly. "You use contraceptives?"

"Of course I do. I've been on the pill since I was fourteen." It was her _Shishou_ herself who'd written her prescription, after all.

"And... your _partner_?"

Sakura swallowed hard, aware that her mentor wasn't going to like her next answer. Tsunade was actually quite liberal in her approach, despite her age and the Senju clan legacy, but she was also a big believer in practicing what one preached, and safe sex was without a doubt the rule around Konoha General. "The pill is _ninety-nine percent_ effective, _Shishou_ ," Sakura began, suddenly not so interested in meeting the woman's steady gaze. "I _trust_ Sasuke-kun. We're in a committed relationship. He'd never-"

Tsunade cut her off with one of her more contemplative "hms." Daring to look up, Sakura felt a certain sense of relief come over her at the discovery that her _Shishou's_ expression was surprisingly soft and gentle… almost _maternal_ , actually. Which was pretty shocking given that the blonde was usually quite the battle axe. _She wasn't angry, then. That was good. But why was she even asking about her sex habits in the first place? Unless…_ A wave of shocked disbelief suddenly came over her as Sakura remembered a nineteen-year-old _chunin_ she'd had this very exchange with last week from the other side of the examination table. " _Shishou!_ I am _not_ pregnant!"

"Oh no?" The woman's eyes narrowed far too cannily, voice impressively calm in that legendary bedside manner. "When was your last period?"

Sakura scoffed at the audacity of the question, fully ready to spit back out an answer. _Although… come to think of it, it_ had _been awhile, hadn't it now? Roughly two weeks before her birthday, way back in mid-March, and it was late April now._ _Six weeks, then… quite some time ago, particularly seeing as her cycle was always like clockwork._ Now, Sakura was usually superb about remembering to take her pill, but the week leading up to her birthday had been _rough._ In fact, she'd been such an emotional wreck at the time that she _had_ forgotten… twice _._ The day after she and Sasuke had first been intimate and her actual birthday, if she was remembering correctly. _And, of course, her birthday night had been when she and Sasuke had… but no, she was getting_ way _ahead of herself._

Her pulse quickened, lips dropping open in a protest that was directed as much at her own mind as it was at her companion. "Tsunade-sama, that's impossible! I _can't_ be pregnant. I told you, I'm on the pill! I mean _yes_ , maybe I missed a dose here and there, but it's still _so_ unlikely. I've been under a lot of stress lately. There's so much going on! It's a perfectly reasonable explan-"

" _Sakura_ ," Tsunade cut her off gently yet authoritatively, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "I know it may be more than a little _surprising_ , but, as a medic, you have to agree. Pregnancy is a very reasonable explanation for your particular mixture of symptoms. And, as you yourself told me just a minute ago, the pill is _only_ ninety-nine percent effective when _no_ doses are missed. It seems that your odds when it comes to gambling may be _far_ better than mine." She smiled rather indulgently. "Or perhaps I should say _worse_ given the surname of the potential father. But, of course, we shouldn't jump to conclusions. I'll run a couple of quick chakra scans, which will give us the definitive answer we're looking for."

And so, Sakura lay back onto the examination table, the paper of her smock rustling as she tried to angle herself down without cluing in Tsunade to her whole sexy underwear situation. She could feel the nervous butterflies dancing in her stomach as she gazed up at the white ceiling, awaiting her _Shishou's_ examination. _Pregnant. Tsunade thought she could be pregnant!_ It seemed impossible, but, then again, the blonde was rarely wrong, and all of the symptoms _did_ fit the bill. _Oh, Kami, what would she tell Sasuke? He had so much on his plate right now. The last thing he needed was a baby. And how would he feel about it? Would he be happy? Frustrated? Excited? Angry?_ Never one to wear his heart on his sleeve, his reactions could be somewhat difficult to predict... But he _loved_ her. Surely, given that this would be _their_ baby, they would muddle through, even if he didn't end up being the most enthusiastic father-to-be at first?

A funny tickling sensation below her navel clued Sakura in to the immensely anxiety-provoking fact that the examination had begun. Shutting her eyes, she coached herself through a series of deep, meditative breaths and slowly began reciting the Shinobi Rules to herself, trying to ignore the feeling of her _Shishou's_ chakra probing her own, seeking out another energy… that of her potential child. Of _Sasuke's_ potential child. _Deep breaths, Sakura-chan..._

It was midway through Rule #36 (Kaka-sensei's old favorite… "A shinobi must see the hidden meanings within the hidden meanings") that Sakura finally felt the tingling warmth of her _Shishou's_ chakra withdrawal. All of a sudden overwhelmingly eager to know the results, her lashes flitted open, eyes immediately finding her mentor's face.

For a moment, Tsunade's expression was impassive, and she looked every bit her age despite the henge in place. Then, with a shake of her blonde head, her lips quirked upwards, the tension on her brow disappearing. "Well, Sakura, I do believe you're about to give the Uchiha Elders the shock of their lives. In my professional opinion, you are one-hundred percent, without a doubt pregnant. And, just in case they decide to get surly and start throwing around wild accusations, you can tell them that _Senju_ Tsunade inspected you and confirmed that the fetus is unquestionably Uchiha spawn. I'd recognize that dark, heavy chakra anywhere."

 _Well, fuck. Fuckity fuck fuck FUCK._ Even with Tsunade having somewhat prepared her by voicing her suspicions pre-exam, Sakura was in full-on shock. " _Shishou_ , what do I _do_?" she asked, voice suddenly hushed and low, as if the entirety of the Uchiha clan was waiting outside the exam room. "What is _Sasuke-kun_ going to think? He's got all his AUCH obligations, and I have my job here… we're too busy for a baby right now! Not to mention that Hokage-sama asked me to help proctor the chunin exams again this August, _and_ I have Ino's wedding in September and Tenten's in November. And there are so many people we'll have to tell! My parents, all our friends, Naruto and Kakashi, _Sasuke's_ parents, the clan Elders. _Oh Shishou…_ I _can't_... Some of the older Uchiha were already wary enough about me just _dating_ Sasuke… this… a _baby_... Not to mention all the rich foods I've been eating lately…. All the alcohol I've -"

A surprisingly authoritative hand found its way to her right shoulder, cutting her off mid-sentence. "Sakura. _Sakura_. Like I always tell you, one thing at a time."

Tsunade coaxed Sakura up into a seated position, bare legs dangling off of the examination table and fists tightly clenched together in her lap. "You're certainly not the first kunoichi to find yourself pregnant, you know. For starters, you've got absolutely _nothing_ to worry about when it comes to job security. You're one of the best medic-nins we've got, the hospital grants maternity leave, and I _even_ hear that you have an in with the Director." The blonde chuckled at her own joke, only to realize moments later that she was laughing alone. "Oh, don't be like that, Sakura! It's going to be _fine_. Continuing down your list… I'm estimating your due date as the first week in January, so you'll only be five months along in August. Barring some unexpected complication, there's no real reason you _couldn't_ be a chunin exam proctor... let's be honest, it's not exactly like they _do_ much. Ino's wedding is mid-September -"

"Who's ever heard of a pregnant maid of honor?"

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "Trust me, it happens. You'll be fine. _Adorable_ , actually. Anyway, _moving_ on… Kakashi's and Naruto's opinions don't matter, you little worrywart. Team 7 hasn't gone on a mission together in _over eight years._ As for your parents… Mebuki will be _thrilled_ , and your _tou-san_ will be delighted as well once he gets over the undeniable fact that his darling little girl is sexually mature."

Sakura grimaced at that - _talk about awkward conversations_ \- but Tsunade was already moving on with a dismissive wave of you hand. "He's long overdue for that epiphany. Anyway, as you probably surmised, I already took care of doing a full check of your baby's vitals. I wouldn't _repeat_ that wild Hyuuga bachelorette party I heard Ino yammering about last Wednesday anytime soon, but it didn't cause any harm. Baby's growing like a weed with chakra that's a true testament to his or her lineage. Which brings us to the Uchiha."

Here, the woman paused for breath, a fact for which Sakura was exceedingly grateful. Between the surprise pregnancy and her _Shishou's_ rapid-fire rundown of every current headache in her life, she considered herself lucky to still be conscious. But the ugliest was yet to come. "If I'm going to be _brutally_ honest with you, Sakura, the Uchiha aren't going to be happy. Well, that's not entirely fair. Mikoto-san's as baby crazy as any prospective grandmother, Itachi will play the part of doting uncle-to-be as long as Sasuke's AUCH responsibilities aren't thrown into jeopardy, Shisui will be eternally grateful for the additional fodder with which to tease his baby cousin, and Sasuke himself _should_ be happy if he knows what's good for him. But Fugaku and the clan Elders?" Tsunade sighed heavily, her distaste for all things traditional dripping out of every pore. "They're a tough crowd. You're certainly not the first kunoichi to be having a baby out of wedlock - just look at Asuma and Kurenai - but, as you already know, they've got very strong opinions about how their head family is and is not supposed to behave, and this development is definitely going to fall in the latter category. Much as I hate to say it, your best bet is probably keeping the pregnancy a secret from them for as long as you can."

"And when they _do_ find out?" Sakura asked breathily. She was usually a competent, capable kunoichi with a solid-enough head on her shoulders, but this whole baby business had her feeling just as lost as if she were a first-year medic-nin again.

"You face that obstacle when you come to it. A lot can change in four, more like five, months given how tiny you are. And, hey, worse comes to worse and those assholes decide they want nothing to do with your bundle of joy? The Haruno clan should count itself lucky: Most shinobi families would _kill_ to welcome the Sharingan into their gene pool."

Setting down Sakura's medical file with a harumph, Tsunade turned to the cabinet where they stocked patient leaflets. "Now, I know you know all of this already, but I'd like to go over some prenatal care take-home points. Kami knows I intend to ensure that _my_ apprentice's baby has the best possible start in life."

* * *

Sakura left Konoha General roughly half-an-hour later, several pregnancy flyers, an anti-nausea medication prescription ("just in case!"), and a bottle of prenatal vitamins rattling around in her medic-nin bag. After Tsunade's pep talk and some time to begin getting used to the idea that she was _with child_ , she was feeling somewhat better about the future. And, of course, the fact that she was off to meet her boyfriend for a one-on-one spar on Training Ground 3 wasn't exactly a bad pick-me-up, either. Particularly when one combined her rampant horniness - _blame it on the pregnancy hormones_ \- with the fact that such training dates were the shinobi equivalent of foreplay and tended to result in the two of them shunshinning back to her apartment as fast as their hands could weave the required jutsu. _Yes, the afternoon was looking_ very _good indeed. Perhaps, if Sasuke was a particularly well-behaved boy, she'd even make him something with tomatoes for dinner._

As she wound her way through the village and towards the training grounds, she began to plot her plan of attack for breaking her news to Sasuke. While she intended to keep her pregnancy a secret from as many people as possible for as long as possible given their Uchiha conundrum, she _obviously_ had to tell him. Sakura might be the one carrying it, but the baby was really just as much his as hers. That being said, she was rather strongly inclined to keep the information to herself for a little bit. Just a week or two… until she was fully comfortable and accustomed to the idea. Then, in the security and comfort of her apartment, over a cozy dinner and a glass or three of wine for him, she'd spill. It wasn't going to be pretty, but she was reasonably confident that such an approach would allow her to address the immediate fallout calmly, efficiently, and discreetly, before Sasuke got too crazed and/or broody.

She was just passing by Training Ground 1 when the sound of someone calling her name pulled Sakura out of her reverie. Looking up, she spotted a pretty, brown-haired kunoichi dressed in a clingy plum crop-top and black leggings whom she vaguely recognized as one of Uchiha Shisui's ANBU reports, Nakamura Akira. Of course, she wasn't really _supposed_ to know that sort of classified information, but Akira had a bit of a reputation for her seduction skills, both in and outside of Konoha. When one was best friends with Yamanaka Ino, juicy gossip of that sort definitely got around.

Up close, she could totally see why Akira's ANBU specialty was what it was. She stood a good head taller than Sakura herself, with a long, lean body, legs for days, a heart-shaped face, and sapphire eyes that sparkled in the afternoon sunlight, rivaling even Ino's own prized baby blues in hue. After a childhood in which she'd too often been petty about her looks, Sakura tried not to be the jealous type - while she'd never love her forehead, was definitely on the short side, and wouldn't mind going up a cup size, she was no ugly duckling - but it was hard not to envy her new companion's dazzling smile and generous bustline.

The woman peered down at her somewhat curiously, and Sakura was struck by the sudden impression that she was being analyzed for weaknesses. It wasn't exactly a comfortable feeling, and the pink-haired kunoichi found her arms reflexively folding across her body, as if attempting to cut herself off from view. Then, Akira spoke, tone positively dripping with sweetness. "Ah, Haruno-san! I'd been hoping to run into you one of these days!"

 _She had?_ Sakura was aware that she had her own reputation in Konoha, thanks largely to her Team 7 days and her _Shishou_ , but what interest an ANBU seduction specialist had in her she couldn't even begin to guess. "Well, you found me!" Sakura replied "brightly," doing her best to mimic the woman's insincere smile. "Nakamura Akira, right? I understand you work with Shisui-san. He's a… _friend_ of mine." _Shisui was a friend, right? Even if she almost slept with him roughly six weeks ago in a ridiculous attempt to get back at Sasuke and hadn't quite gotten up the nerve to speak with him since?_ "What can I do for you?"

Akira shrugged, smile growing somewhat cat-like. "Not much. Kunoichi like me don't often have much of a need for medical treatment. If we're good that is… and I don't mean to brag, but I'm one of _the best_ at what I do."

Sakura's confusion was growing, but she refused to let this woman see it. She had no clue as to _why_ Akira wanted to intimidate her, but after a lifetime of dealing with Ino, she knew this ploy almost as well as the layout of her kunai pouch. "Oh? And what is it that you do, Akira-san?" she asked mock innocently, mind beginning to wander to Training Ground 3. _Sasuke-kun was usually early for appointments… he was probably already there. Given the nature of his hectic schedule and how little he liked to be kept waiting, she really ought to try and wrap things up swiftly..._

Akira's eyes glittered in the sunlight. "My _body_ is my weapon, if you get my drift," she replied so softly that Sakura could barely hear her, full lips moving as minimally as possible. "As for what I wanted…" She broke off, right hand twirling the senbon she'd presumably been training with before meeting Sakura's gaze with a renewed intensity. "I was just idly curious whom Uchiha Sasuke was _fucking_ these days. I don't mean to kiss and tell, but I always like to keep tabs on my more… _talented_ conquests. For _future_ reference."

The kunoichi's lips curved upwards into an immensely self-satisfied smile, fully confident that her blow had struck true. _And it had._ Despite her best efforts to retain her composure, Sakura felt the color creeping up into her cheeks, a combination of rage and humiliation flooding her senses. As she and Tsunade had discussed just a couple of hours ago at the hospital, she was already well aware that Sasuke had a complicated sexual history. That being said, having it laid out in front of her like this by a former flame was _vile_. Particularly Akira's insinuation that she'd be up for another tumble in the sheets if the Uchiha so deigned. Sakura trusted her boyfriend, but the knowledge that women like this _harpy_ were out there, just waiting for their relationship to fail…

 _Breathe in… breathe out… in… out…_. Regaining some control over herself, Sakura released the fists her hands had inadvertently formed. _This kunoichi was probably just jealous of what she and Sasuke had. There was nothing for her to be concerned about._ After all, _Sakura_ was the one whom Sasuke loved, the one he'd chosen to commit to, the one he invited over for dinners with his parents and opted to spend pretty much all of his precious free time with these days, the one who was pregnant with his surprise baby, for fuck's sake! Besides, tempting as it was to give Akira a little taste of her chakra-enhanced strength, Sakura was well aware that full-contact taijutsu was firmly off-limits during pregnancy.

And so, gritting her teeth into a grin that was really more of a grimace, Sakura returned her antagonist's gaze square-on, steely, emerald eyes meeting cold, calculating blue. "I'll be _sure_ to let Sasuke-kun know about your offer, Akira-san. Now, is there anything _else_ I can do for you? I don't mean to be rude, but he and I actually have a _date_ over on Training Ground 3 that was supposed to start seven minutes ago..."

The kunoichi smirked, her bemusement at Sakura's game retort clear. "How _cute_. The two of you _are_ just as adorable as the rumors say, aren't you? Hm... I wonder how long it'll be until he tires of such _domestic bliss_. But, please, don't let me keep you."

" _Good._ I won't, then." With that, Sakura spun on her heel, darting away from Akira without even a backwards glance. As she moved past Training Ground 2, she willed herself to empty her mind of what had just transpired, sternly reminding herself that she would be a fool to let a catty, toxic woman ruin an afternoon that she and Sasuke had been planning for well over a week. ANBU was his past, and she'd never be able to erase that - even if she'd wanted to - but the life they'd been building together in Konoha over the past couple of month was his present, and, if things worked out the way she hoped they would, their future.

The bright green grass of Training Ground 3 was soft and springy under Sakura's shinobi sandals as she finally arrived at her destination. Scanning the field, her eyes quickly landed on Sasuke's familiar form, cheeks warming slightly at the sight. He was leaning against the trunk of a large oak tree about fifty feet from her, his presently dark eyes watching her approach impassively, his lips slightly upturned in a small yet genuine smile that pushed all of her buttons in just the right way, and his left hand casually fiddling with a kunai.

Despite the attractiveness of his tall, dark, and handsome looks, it was actually this last point that most fully caught Sakura's attention. For having been his teammate since they were preteens, she was long familiar with all of his nervous tics and twitches. _What did Sasuke-kun have to be worried about on their afternoon off?_ It appeared that she wasn't going to find out the easy way. As she stepped into the shade to join him, he deposited his weapon into his kunai pouch, crossing his strong forearms across his chest. "Hn, Sakura. You're late," he murmured, voice soft and velvety, like liquid midnight. "That's unlike you."

 _Hm… perhaps they should skip the training and just head straight to the bedroom._ But no, after the morning she'd had at the hospital and her recent run-in with Akira, she could probably do with getting out some of her aggression the old-fashioned way. Sakura gave Sasuke what she hoped was a sheepish smile, aware that he was eyeing her expectantly. "I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun. I… lost track of time." _Ugh, one would think she'd be able to do a bit better than_ that _after years of serving under Kaka-sensei_.

Sasuke's left eyebrow rose up towards his hairline in an expression of silent skepticism. "I see. How was your appointment?"

"My… appointment?" she repeated, somewhat thrown off by his query. Of course, detail oriented as ever, Sasuke just _had_ to remember that she'd babbled to him last Tuesday about how she should probably get her nagging cold checked out by Tsunade. "Oh right. That." _Smooth._ "It was… fine! Great! I'm feeling much better," she replied far too perkily. _She was_ such _a bad liar when it came to Sasuke-kun._ "Anyway, should we get this training session going? I was thinking we could start with some _shurikenju_ -"

"Did Tsunade say what was wrong with you? You were quite _unwell_ last week, Sakura."

 _Dammit._ Ordinarily, Sakura would have found Sasuke's concern for her well-being heart-poundingly sweet. After all, it was undeniable proof of how much he cared, not to mention absolutely everything her teenage self had craved. But at the moment, given what the root of her mysterious illness actually happened to be and her desire not to loop Sasuke in about her pregnancy quite yet, it was pretty, well, _annoying_. "It was just a nagging cold, exactly as I suspected," she replied lightly with a "casual" shrug, hoping that his utter lack of knowledge about medicine would get her out of this increasingly unpleasant conversation. " _Shishou_ _did_ advise against any hand-to-hand combat, however."

Sasuke looked distinctly put out at _that_. "Why? Are you… _infectious_? Because, well, I was thinking later, we could… _you know..._ "

Despite the stress she was under, Sakura almost laughed at the slight shade of pink that dusted itself over his cheeks. _And he insisted that Naruto-kun was the perviest member of their old genin trio._ Instead, astutely aware that making him cranky was _not_ the way to an enjoyable afternoon for either of them, she gave him a sunny smile, sensing that victory was within her grasp. "No, Sasuke-kun, it's nothing like that. Just a precaution until I'm all better. Now, like I was saying, how about a _shurikenjutsu_ session? It's been awhile, so I was hoping you could help me dust the rust off my kunai kit, particularly seeing as you're pretty much the best in Konoha these days…"

With the Uchiha's rampant curiosity finally lulled through that somewhat blatant appeal to his ego, they set to it, Sasuke leading her in some light stretching, reviewing the basics of grip and positioning, and then guiding her through what he declared an "easy" series of exercise. _Such lies._ As was usually the case when working with a master, it was a decidedly eye-opening experience, although all the hands-on assistance with her form gradually turned her rather fuzzy headed, making the chances that she would actually retain much of what he was saying less than likely. Which was really too bad from a shinobi perspective, but totally fine to her more licentious side.

After about a half-hour of surreptitious touching, increasingly creative drills she was fairly certain she could blame on Itachi ( _who else would come up with a routine that involved somersaulting through the air upside-down with one's eyes closed while attempting to simultaneously nail eight targets with one volley?)_ , and sparse yet precise instruction, Sakura found herself drenched in sweat, more than a little horny, and kind of nauseous. As Sasuke collected the remnants of her most recent round, scaling a large maple to collect a knife that hadn't quite managed to hit its target - _five out of eight wasn't_ bad _for a medic-nin -_ the kunoichi settled herself under the shade of its canopy, slipping down the trunk to a seated position, her knees out in front of her. "I think I could use a little break, Sasuke-kun," she called up to him, staring at her sandal-clad feet in a valiant effort to stop the world from spinning. _Yes, all that twisting through the air had_ not _been ideal. Perhaps, a genjutsu session would have been a safer bet._

Sasuke landed on the ground next to her with that cat-like grace that never failed to impress. "Ah." For several heartbeats, his ebony eyes silently ran over her features, as if seeking to memorize them. Then, just when she was starting to wonder if she had something on her face, he turned away with a surprisingly gentle little smile, beginning to head back towards the oak under which he'd left his gear. "You look tired. I'll get you some water." His voice was low and husky, sending pleasant shivers up her spine.

"Thanks, Sasuke-kun. That would be really nice." Shutting her eyes, Sakura leaned her head against the tree trunk, savoring the feeling of the light, spring breeze against her flushed face as her breathing slowed to its natural state. Contrary to Sasuke's promise that they wouldn't do anything too intense, the session had _not_ been easy. Probably because of the pregnancy, although Tsunade-sama had been telling her that she needed to get out and train more. _She had a point, too._ Working at the hospital was definitely fulfilling, but _this_ was truly her happy place… exactly where she wanted to be.

Light footsteps drawing close alerted Sakura to the fact that Sasuke had returned, presumably with his water bottle. Contentedly opening her eyes, she tilted her face upwards to meet his gaze. To her surprise, she found his Sharingan staring back at her, the three prongs of his tomoe spinning rather mesmerizingly. _Ungh. He really was unfairly pretty. And kind of scary, given what those eyes could do._ But mostly pretty… particularly when he was looking at her like _that_ , like she was important and special and _loved_.

Cheeks growing warm under his gaze, she smiled up at him, eyes running over his well-sculpted torso and sinewy arms in frank admiration of the toned muscles of his forearms. _Short sleeves were definitely a good look._ "What's up, Sasuke? Is everything all-"

With a little gasp, she broke off, heart leaping into her throat. For, as her eyes ran down his forearms, from his wrists to his hands, she came to the monumental discovery that he was not, in fact, offering her his water bottle. Instead, resting in his left palm, supported by those long, slender fingers she so adored, was a little, black, velvet box, the twin of the one she'd eyed somewhat jealously on Ino's dresser a couple of weeks ago. And inside that box… was a _ring_.

The part of her mind that wasn't totally freaking out was somewhat aware that Sasuke was speaking, his voice low, somewhat hesitant, and full of raw, ardent emotion, somehow managing to match the blazing intensity of his gaze as he asked her the question she up until recently had _never_ expected to hear him utter. It was the stuff of dreams... the training ground of their genin days bathed in late afternoon sunshine, the earnest look on Sasuke's face as he nervously anticipated her response, the ring itself, a ruby flanked by two diamonds, set on a white-gold band.

Admittedly, his request was on the simple side - little more than a "Sakura… will you share your life with me?" - but brevity had always been Sasuke's _modus operandi_ , so that was only to be expected. Factoring in her hormones and the way the day had gone up until that moment, it was also way, _way_ too much for her to handle. Almost immediately, she found herself sobbing, tears falling so fast and thick that there was no way she would be getting a word in edgewise anytime soon. _Which was positively_ terrible _timing, because how in Kami's name was she supposed to say yes when she was blubbering like an idiot?_

Aware that she really owed Sasuke an answer, Sakura nodded vigorously, allowing him to take her trembling left hand and place the ring on her finger. Then, joining her on the grass, his arms wound themselves around her smaller form, pulling her in close to his chest as his right hand gently attempted to wipe the steadily flowing tears from her cheeks. "Tch, no matter what I do, I always seem to make you cry," he murmured, the hint of playfulness in his tone causing her to let out a choked guffaw that was definitely unattractive. But Sasuke either didn't notice or didn't care, for his soft lips eagerly found hers, languishing kiss after kiss upon her, before gradually meandering his way to her nose and cheeks. Tracing his way across her left cheek, Sasuke kissed his way to her left ear lobe, giving it a nibble that sent a shudder of need down her spine, the tears finally beginning to slow. "Hn… _Sakura…_ should we move things to your apartment?" he murmured gently, breath soft and warm as the fingertips of his left hand traced light circles upon the small of her back, having slipped their way beneath her red top several heartbeats prior.

Vaguely aware that their current position - her seated astride him, legs wrapped around his waist, chest pressed so close to his that she could feel the steady beating of his heart reverberating through her own torso - was a bit on the intimate side for public viewing, Sakura nodded mutely, mind still floating in whatever stratosphere Sasuke's proposal had rocketed her to. With a hum, Sasuke carefully shifted her from his lap to the patch of grass to his left before rising to his feet. "Go on ahead… I'll get your bag and meet you there."

Sakura's hands mechanically wove the signs for the Body Flicker Technique, eyes never leaving the _uchiwa_ emblazoned on the back of Sasuke's clan shirt as he ambled back over towards the oak tree. Upon arriving in the center of her living room, she let out a deep, trembling sigh before collapsing onto her sofa and hugging a decorative pillow to her chest, her excitement growing with each passing second. _Uchiha Sakura… it had such a lovely ring to it._

Sasuke arrived a few minutes later with a small _poof!_ Looking up in giddy excitement, the goofy grin that had spread its way across Sakura's face quickly faded at the sight of the Uchiha's clenched brow and dark, anxious eyes. "Sasuke-kun, what's…?"

"Sakura. When were you going to tell me?" he asked, tone dangerously quiet. "You _were_ going to tell me, weren't you?"

 _Tell him? Oh, Kami, no. He couldn't have!_ Green eyes widened in alarm as Sakura realized what exactly Sasuke was clutching in his hands. _Her medic-nin bag. The pregnancy pamphlets. The prenatal vitamins. The anti-nausea prescription with_ her name _on it. Shit! Why oh why had she let him be the one to grab her bag?_ "I... I just found out this morning!" she gasped, pillow falling out of her grasp to the carpeted floor. "I _was_ going to tell you. Soon. I swear it!" Then, a rather irritating thought crossed her mind. "Why were _you_ going through my bag in the first place? That's private!"

At that, Sasuke's frown deepened, expression growing even darker, not to mention somewhat foreboding. "Tch. I didn't. The bottle fell out when I picked it up. I couldn't _not_ notice, Sakura." He set the offending object down on the coffee table with a ominous rattle. Then, joining her on the sofa with a heavy sigh, he took her cool, clammy hands in his much warmer ones. _This was so not how she'd envisioned them spending this moment. They'd just gotten engaged… they were supposed to be happy!_ But, of course, nothing in their relationship could ever be simple.

"You're probably furious with me," Sakura observed to his right thumb as it rhythmically stroked the back of her left hand, unable to bring herself to meet his gaze. _She was in the wrong… she should have told him right away._ But, of course, she'd been scared - terrified, really - of what he'd think, what he'd say, how he'd react, and, most of all, what they were going to do. She'd known for just a few hours, and the pressure she was feeling was totally overwhelming. The idea that Sasuke would now have to share that burden along with all the other Uchiha clan crap he _already_ put up with… _ugh._ "I just didn't want you to worry…"

Sasuke's right hand rose to her chin, index and middle fingers raising her gaze to his. "Tch. I'm… _not_ upset," he replied softly, the tension on his brow fading at her admission. "I mean, I'm _surprised_ , but I'd never be angry about something like _this_."

With that, he closed the gap between them, soft lips slowly meeting hers as his fingertips traced the sensitive skin of her collarbone. She was eager to know what exactly was running through his mind. He _seemed_ to be taking the news far better than she'd expected, but one never really knew when it came to Uchiha Sasuke. That being said, his touch was pretty much impossible to ignore, dulling the panic that had gripped her and sending a hungry tingle straight to her core. _He wasn't angry. They were going to be okay. Mmm... was he sexy when he smirked like that._

As Sasuke deepened the kiss, tongue gently teasing her lower lip before sliding in to play with hers, she let out a breathy little moan that set his dark eyes aglow. Authoritative hands trailed down to her hips, and Sakura soon found herself being pulled astride Sasuke as he angled his body back onto her sofa, dark hair stark against the bright red of her accent pillow. She could feel his arousal pressing up against her, hard, hot, and full of desire. It was a gasp-inducing sensation that soon had her rocking her pelvis up against him, craving every bit of friction he had to offer.

He'd discarded her shirt, and she his when she finally managed to come to her senses. _They shouldn't be doing this. They needed to talk… to dig into their feelings... to come up with a game plan for keeping the pregnancy a secret for as long as humanly possible._ Detaching her lips from Sasuke's with some reluctance, Sakura rose up above him, hands resting against the heated skin of his bare chest, willing herself to resist the hazy, burning lust in those deep, dark eyes. "Sasuke-kun… don't you think we should talk about _our baby_..."

His calloused hands rose to her stomach, resting on her flat belly as he eyed her flushed face eagerly. "Ah. We should," he agreed shortly. "Later. Right now… I want to claim what's _mine_."

It definitely wasn't the most _progressive_ statement in the world... Tsunade-sama would have rolled her eyes hard. Moreover, Sakura was well aware from Ino that using sex to get out of conversing about feelings was textbook emotionally withdrawn male shinobi behavior that she really shouldn't be condoning. That being said, the comment _was_ also pretty hot when said in that slow, midnight voice, particularly when Sasuke followed it up by snaking his hands up her lower back, relinquishing her of the bindings keeping her chest from view with a quick flick of his kunai (the barest whisper of the blade across her skin was icing on the cake), and teasing her almost painfully sensitive nipples to peaks with his dexterous fingers. "Ungh, all right. Later," she agreed against her better judgment, rising up onto her knees so that Sasuke could slide his pants and briefs down his hips and relieve her of her panties.

As she sank down onto him, lashes fluttering as her body reacquainted itself with his length and girth, Sakura savored the hiss of satisfaction that escaped his lips. " _Fuck_ , Sakura… you always feel so _good_ …"

 _The feeling was most definitely mutual_.


	2. Sasuke's Nervous Breakdown

_[AN: And after a couple-month delay, I'm back with a nice, angsty Sasuke chapter! I do apologize for the slow posting schedule. I got into a bit of a groove with my other in-progress story, so this one lagged behind a bit. Thanks for all the feedback on the first chapter, as well as the follows and favorites. This series is a guilty pleasure of mine to write, and its lovely to hear that you've enjoyed reading it as well. The usual caveats apply: This story is rated M (although this particular chapter is more of a hard T), and I do not own Naruto.]_

Uchiha Sasuke had always hated mornings.

At first blush, this trait may have seemed somewhat out of character. After all, pretty much from the moment he'd started crawling, Sasuke had been all about _doing_ … growing and running and training and studying and trying (and failing) to make up for all the time he'd lost to the stunningly unfair fact that he was five years Itachi's junior. Given that simple truth alone, he really _should_ have been a criminally early riser, just like his beloved nii-san, he of the four-thirty wake-up calls and five AM _shurikenjutsu_ sessions.

But he was not. For, while Sasuke could certainly see Itachi's _point_ \- working out before the sun rose was certainly one way to get in another few thousand reps - he found it impossible to let go of his deeply rooted conviction that mornings were _really_ for people like Naruto. Pleasant people. People who _liked_ people… who enjoyed being out and about, dropping _ohayous_ left and right, saluting the sun, boozing at brunch, and seizing the day or whatever else pleasant people did with themselves in their spare time. No, mornings were definitely not for the Sasukes of the world, those quiet, somewhat reclusive types who preferred shadows and silence, midnight sprints through the forest around Konoha, and the immensely satisfying feeling of being able to shut oneself alone in one's bedroom at the end of the day, away from meddlesome mothers, disapproving fathers, and annoyingly perfect elder brothers.

Although, lately, a certain pink-haired kunoichi was making Sasuke reconsider the whole "not a morning person" thing. Because waking up to the early morning sun filtering through gauzy white curtains with said woman's firm little breasts, delectable hips, and shapely legs pressed up to his side after a wild night of lovemaking was something he would be _exceedingly_ happy to do for the rest of his life. _Which was very good news, indeed, because yesterday afternoon Haruno Sakura had agreed to become his wife._

Sleepily smirking to himself at the thought, Sasuke's dark eyes leisurely admired his new fiancee as she slept by his side... those luscious, pillowy lips; the smattering of freckles dusting her elegant little nose; the tangles of cotton-candy pink locks that were so _her_ ; the forehead she'd never seemed to like but he'd become particularly fond of kissing. The past six weeks hadn't been easy or simple, full of enough major life changes to last them both quite some time, but he honestly wouldn't change it - _any of it_ \- for the world.

 _Well, actually… there were a few things he probably_ would _have done a bit differently, if he had the opportunity..._

The proposal had gone off quite well; far better than expected, actually. Given their history, he'd anticipated that there were going to be tears of one flavor or another, but that advance knowledge hadn't made the moment any less special. He'd never exactly been the emotive type himself, but seeing Sakura so happy and knowing that _he'd_ been the cause of that…. it made him honest-to-Kami _smile_. _And, of course, he certainly hadn't minded the hours of "celebrating" that had followed, either._

That being said, they had some _major_ explaining to do. For, while tradition dictated that he was technically supposed to get his parents', the Uchiha Elders', and Sakura's parents' approvals before speaking with the kunoichi herself, Sasuke _hadn't_ actually gotten around to talking about his marriage plans with anyone else except Itachi. He'd honestly meant to, even if the prospect of doing so had made his head spin... he just hadn't quite managed to find the time. Which probably sounded like an excuse straight out of Kakashi's playbook, but it was the honest truth. What with Acting Uchiha Clan Head responsibilities, High Council meetings, the _dobe's_ wedding (much as he'd tried to convince Naruto that he completely lacked the best man skillset, the blonde had insisted), training when he could find a spare couple of hours, and enjoying his newfound relationship, he _had_ been a little busy lately.

Had the surprise engagement been their only news, the might very well have gotten away with the break in procedure. After all, a lot had changed in Konoha in the past three decades, and there could be no denying that Sakura was a superb match given her talents and status in the village, even if a few of the oldest Elders faulted her for her lack of Uchiha blood. That being said, when one threw in the baby, Sasuke was pretty sure that they were utterly and completely fucked.

Now, the baby _wasn't_ a mistake. And he hadn't lied to Sakura after she'd come clean about the pregnancy. He wasn't upset… with her. Or their child. Even if it was technically a good two or three years ahead of schedule. _They probably had stupid Itachi's overachiever genetics to blame for that._ No. The thing that had him wary, that had him unable to properly enjoy what should have been by all accounts a deliriously happy morning, was the same damn thing that had seemingly _always_ been a source of both intense pride and immense anxiety for him: the Uchiha clan.

It was _so_ tempting to pretend that everything was going to be fine. _Maybe it would?_ His mother would certainly plead their case. After all, she'd been grandbaby obsessed pretty much from the moment Itachi had turned eighteen and had certainly taken to Sakura. Several times over the past month, Sasuke had found himself wondering if his girlfriend had superseded himself as Mikoto's favorite as they chatted away over tea in the Uchiha family kitchen.

When it came to the rest of his closest family, he could obviously count on Itachi (much as he bitched about his perfect nii-san, he couldn't deny that his brother loved him dearly) and Shisui (even if he still wasn't really speaking to the sneaky bastard). His father was a bit less of a surefire bullseye, but Sasuke was still optimistic. Fugaku had been pretty frigid with Sakura those first few family dinners together, but her natural sweetness and perfectly polite demeanor - not to mention her sterling reputation in the village as both a powerhouse of a kunoichi and a gifted medic-nin - had thawed him out soon enough. Why, just last week he'd asked Sasuke with his typically neutral affect when Sakura would next be stopping by, almost as if he _missed_ her.

But Sasuke knew better. Much as he wished it could be otherwise, not even the support of the entire Uchiha main family would shield them from what was inevitably coming. In the Uchiha Elders' eyes, their conceived-out-of-wedlock baby was a bastard, engaged or not; Sakura a vile whore and temptress for "seducing" him into sin; and himself horrifically flawed in judgment for allowing such scandal to befall the clan.

The kunai would fall swiftly, brutally, and efficiently, as had always been the Uchiha way. Sasuke would be censured and stripped of his Acting Clan Head title at the next clan gathering and Itachi recalled from Suna to lead in his stead, no doubt muttering about "foolish little brothers" for the next two or three decades. But his _nii-san's_ frustrations and his own loss of status would only be the tip of the iceberg. For, once relieved of his clan duties, Sasuke wouldn't be allowed to simply retreat into disgrace. Oh no. A shinobi's duty was to his village first and foremost, and he was still a strapping jonin of not even twenty-five. If the Uchiha no longer had any use for him, someone else undoubtedly would. And, given his history and talents, there was no doubt in Sasuke's mind that that someone would be ANBU. Namikaze Minato was a very nice man - possibly too nice given the demands of his job - but not even he would be able to deny the practicality of it. Which would mean a return to month-long assignments, routinely risking his life, and the occasional seduction mission. And he _couldn't_ do that to Sakura… he just couldn't.

A cold sweat had broken out across Sasuke's forehead, the stress of their situation having well and fully gotten to him. All of a sudden the soft, dreamy warmth of Sakura's feather bed felt positively smothering. _Early or not, he needed to get out of there. Now._

Slipping out from under the covers, he shivered slightly as the cool air of the bedroom hit his heated skin. Not wishing to wake the slumbering kunoichi, he silently collected the clothing he'd discarded last night and dressed himself, vaguely aware that his high-collared navy clan shirt smelled from yesterday's _shurikenjutsu_ session but not really caring. _He was only about to make it worse anyway._ Striding to the door, he stood for half a moment in the doorway, eyes tracing the familiar lines of Sakura's soft, shapely body, the way the disheveled sheets outlined her figure somehow managing to make her even more alluring. For a moment, he found himself tempted to wake her. But no, she - _and the baby_ \- needed all the sleep they could get.

Tracing his way down the hall and into the living room, Sasuke considered stopping off in the kitchen for a hard-boiled egg or some tea, but his churning stomach rebelled at the thought. Instead, he moved for the front door, shucking on his shinobi sandals with a half-glance at the disarrayed sofa where they'd kicked off the previous night. He was just about to be on his way when he was struck by a sudden thought. _Given what had happened last time he'd up and left Sakura early in the morning without a word, he probably ought to leave a note._ Because, contrary to what Itachi and his mother probably thought, he wasn't completely hopeless when it came to social cues.

The admittedly brief message scribbled and deposited on her coffee table - _Gone out. Back later. S -_ Sasuke let himself out, performing a quick jutsu to keep away any intruders. Sakura lived in one of the safest parts of Konoha and was more than a match for petty thieves, but, as ANBU had taught him time and again, one could never be too careful. Particularly now that she was carrying precious cargo.

The early morning sun was at his back as he exited her apartment building and set course for the Uchiha District. As he walked, Sasuke found his mind whirling with a decidedly complicated blend... babies and weddings and what his parents would say and that new katon jutsu he'd been working on and last night and trying to imagine just how pissed the Uchiha Elders would be and that dispute between his cousin and his great uncle twice removed that just wouldn't die and the proposal and how Sakura was going to look when she was _really_ pregnant and when Naruto or Itachi would be back because he could really use a good spar right now but still couldn't bring himself to talk to Shisui and how he was ever going to survive his inevitable first conversation with Sakura's parents as her fiance/baby daddy (not that they were going to find out about _that_ anytime soon). It was all rather exhausting, and he was extremely relieved twenty-some minutes later when he finally reached the empty Uchiha training field. For training had always been one of his favorite means of de-stressing, and he had built up _a lot_ of additional tension on the way over.

Making his way to the far side of the field where the _shurikenjutsu_ targets were set up, Sasuke got to work stretching out his somewhat tired muscles. Between showing off to Sakura on Training Ground 3 yesterday afternoon and fucking her into the mattress last night, his lower back was less than happy. After some moderately concerning pops and crackles - _maybe he_ should _have taken Sakura up on that back massage_ \- he pulled out his well-worn kunai kit and began some simple exercises, the welcome burn of his muscles coming to life gradually driving away his thoughts and troubles.

He was _just_ marveling at the wonders that sweat and solitude always seemed to do for his system when an extremely familiar, extremely unwelcome voice called out to him from what sounded like halfway across the field. "Well, well, _little_ cousin. It's been awhile since we last spoke, hasn't it?"

 _Fuck. He'd know that bright, teasing voice anywhere. Shisui_.

It _had_ been awhile since their last one-on-one chat. Six-plus weeks, if one wanted to get specific about it. And the lapse in conversation had been entirely intentional. For, the night of Sakura's birthday, his no-good cousin Shisui, knowing full well how much he _cared_ about the kunoichi in question, had almost been the one to take her home. _Which_ , Sasuke realized with sudden disgust, _meant that_ he'd _almost been the one to impregnate her_. (If that was how biology worked, that was. He was pretty sure it _didn't_ , but still, it was a shocking thought.)

Now, Sakura had told him bits and pieces of what had "really" happened. How the whole situation had apparently been some idiotic revenge plan hatched by none other than the meddlesome Yamanaka Ino. How Shisui had somehow gotten looped in, no doubt tickled by the prospect of a _new_ way of torturing him. How Sasuke had things all backwards… that _Sakura_ had actually been the one trying to get in Shisui's pants when Sasuke had interrupted them on the middle of the dance floor in the Twisted Kunai like the lovestricken _baka_ he'd been. How the curly-haired bastard wasn't _really_ to blame… that he'd actually been the one who had given Sakura that final, fateful push to patch things up with Sasuke.

But Sasuke didn't care about any of that. For the facts remained the facts. Shisui's grubby hands and lecherous lips had been all over Sakura that night despite knowing all he knew, which officially made him a filthy traitor who couldn't be trusted. Who was also, admittedly, rather useful when it came to smoothing over issues with some of the crustiest of the Elders, but even the worst sorts had their positive qualities. It was really too bad, too. Given his current predicament and the fact that Itachi was way off in Suna for Kami knew how long, Sasuke really could have used some good, solid, elder male relative advice right about then.

Shisui approached with a broad grin across his stupid, handsome face, as if he _wasn't_ aware of what he'd done. "How've things been, Sasuke-kun? Making out well with the Elders? You seem to be navigating all the clan nonsense quite reasonably. Anything interesting to report from the High Council sessions? That isn't highly classified, of course… can't have you giving away any major village secrets, now can we?"

Sasuke resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the painfully obvious attempt at small talk. Instead, with a full-shouldered shrug and a dismissive "tch" that might even have done his _tou-san_ proud, he launched himself into the air for another round of target practice, activating his Sharingan for good measure. _That ought to get the "go the fuck away" message through_.

Apparently, Shisui had even less shame that Sasuke had realized, for the bastard had the audacity to _chuckle_ at the obviousness of his dismissal. "That dull, huh? _I know_ , how about things with _Sakura_? Reo-sama was going on and on about her remarkable chakra control at last week's clan meeting. You remember him, right? The old geezer with the limp who's always bitching about the late start times? Anyway, I don't know _what_ sort of jutsu she weaved, but charming an Elder like him is sure something..."

At the mention of Sakura's name, Sasuke felt something inside of him snap. Completely losing his focus, he airmailed his current target, his kunai embedding itself in the bark of a tree twenty feet to the left of where he'd been aiming. Landing heavily on his feet with a snarl, he glared daggers at his antagonizer, the three prongs of his tomoe spinning wildly, waves of killing intent radiating off of him. " _You_ of all people have _no business_ talking about Sakura," he spat, teeth gnashing together in white-hot rage.

Shisui didn't even flinch _._ Instead, grin broadening into what Sasuke was positively apoplectic to see what a _smirk_ , he shunshinned over to the tree that had been the accidental victim of his wrath, expertly pried the kunai from its resting place, and casually twirled it between his left index and middle fingers. "Still broody from the party, eh Sasuke-kun?" he observed, with a good-natured chuckle. "You know, it was _only_ a bit of kissing, and she was a single lady at the time. If we're going to be _completely_ honest with one another, I can't deny that I _wasn't_ tempted for a moment or four. After all, Sakura's one hell of a kunoichi. But, truth be told, pink's never _really_ been my color… although, it certainly seems to suit you."

He paused for a moment, casually tossing the kunai at a nearby dummy and scoring what was unsurprisingly a perfect bullseye. Then, tone growing somewhat more serious, he addressed Sasuke once more. "Besides… everything seems to have worked out for the best. Why, from what Mikoto-obasan told me at lunch last week, even Fugaku-ojisan has taken a shine to her, and Kami knows he _never_ likes anything. Well, other than Itachi. And your mother. And the Uchiha name. And power. But I digress. Surely, you've got bigger fish to fry than Shunshin no Shisui these days?"

Sasuke nodded his head the smallest fraction, weighing Shisui's words. _He certainly_ sounded _genuine._ As far as he knew, the bastard hadn't actually tried to pull any further funny business since that night at the bar six weeks ago, which was another point in his favor. _And_ he was certainly right about everything else that was presently on Sasuke's plate… obsessing over his flirt of a cousin's dirty dancing with his fiance before they were even exclusive really wasn't worth his time. _Besides, he could trust Sakura. She might have been halfway interested then, but now - after six weeks together and with everything they'd been through - she'd never..._

His eyes faded to black in a silent acknowledgment of his cousin's good sense, and Shisui let out a surprisingly heartfelt sigh. " _Good._ Well, I'm glad we've worked out that little misunderstanding. You know, before he left, Itachi asked me to keep half an eye on you. Something about wanting to make sure that the Elders didn't run you too ragged. Having you go all twitchy the minute I came within fifty feet of you certainly wasn't what he'd intended. But, all joking aside, I _do_ hope you know that my door is always open, Sasuke."

 _Hn. Shisui's door was always open, and he could_ definitely _stand to use it._ Sasuke eyed the man standing before him, considering the matter anew. Shisui was a decade his senior, well acquainted with Uchiha clan affairs, a fellow ANBU, and quite experienced in the relationship realm, even if he'd never before gotten engaged or knocked anyone up (at least as far as Sasuke knew). He was also Itachi's most trusted confidante and, up until the incident at Sakura's birthday, had always seemed to have Sasuke's best interests at heart. _Perhaps, in Itachi's absence, he_ could _trust his cousin._

The younger man wet his lips somewhat nervously, trying to find the best way to put the mess that was his current situation to words. "Shisui," he began rather awkwardly, "There _is_ something. It's a bit of a sensitive situation, but…"

He broke off, the memory of Sakura's feminine hips rolling against Shisui's crotch in the dim lighting of the bar suddenly flooding his mind, the hungry, lustful look in her emerald eyes and the ruby glow of his cousin's taunting Sharingan both inflaming his anger anew. _No. He couldn't do it._ Much as he _wished_ to confide in someone, Shisui's treachery still stung too much.

"What can I do for you, cousin?" The older man asked, dark eyes glittering with curiosity.

Sasuke sighed heavily, raking his mind for a plausible excuse. Given all the Uchiha clan nonsense he had to put up with these days, it wasn't too hard to find one. "It's Genzo's rent dispute with Fumito-ojiisan. It's gone on long enough. You're friends with Genzo-san. I was hoping you could tell him to cut the crap and pay up already."

Shisui's brow quirked somewhat incredulously, but if he doubted the veracity of what Sasuke was saying, he clearly thought better of questioning it. With a business-like nod, he grinned pleasantly, although it was impossible to miss the fact that the smile didn't quite reach his cousin's eyes. " _Ah._ Of course, Sasuke. Consider it done. Now, if that is indeed _everything_ , I'll leave you to your _shurikenjutsu_ practice, shall I?"

Sasuke retrieved another kunai from his pack with a casual shrug, grunting noncommittally. Shisui was very probably harmless… he saw that now. But the shred of doubt about his cousin's motives could not be denied, nor could the memory of that vile lip lock.

* * *

The next week passed slowly and uncomfortably. As usual, Sasuke found himself sitting in on what had to be at least eight or nine meetings a day as the carousel of clan engagements, High Council meetings, and other ad hoc appointments concerning all things Uchiha went round and round. His schedule left him with perilously little time for _anything_ , although he did manage to reconnect with Sakura on Tuesday for twenty or so minutes during her lunch break at the hospital.

After a few minutes of heated kissing in her office - he'd been tempted to taking things further, but Sakura was frustratingly wary of engaging in extracurricular activities at work - they'd quickly and efficiently settled on a rough plan of action. The baby would stay a secret until a couple of weeks after the wedding, while they'd break the news of their engagement that coming weekend. Tired of his mother's prying questions and wanting the world (ie, Lee and Kiba) to know that Sakura was permanently off the market, Sasuke had argued for making the announcement immediately. Somewhat surprisingly, Sakura had rather forcefully demurred, wanting to wait a few additional days, until her parents would be in town. And so, internally grimacing at the thought of just how awkward his life had become, Sasuke had found himself agreeing to ask him mother about inviting the Harunos over for a Saturday evening dinner that would also double as a long-awaited meeting of the parents.

He broke the news when he got home Monday night, the warm glow in Mikoto's dark eyes as she delightedly agreed to the plan sending a nervous chill up his spine. As the rest of the week ticked by, Sasuke found himself quickly coming to dread the upcoming dinner party. Wednesday night, he wrote to Itachi, finally putting the news of their engagement and Sakura's pregnancy to paper. While his missive was brief, it was actually somewhat freeing to know that he'd told someone else what had happened, that the burden was no longer simply his and Sakura's bear, and, most of all, that Itachi had never before let him down when it came to providing good, solid advice. On the less positive side of things, he'd forgotten to ask Sakura if she minded him knowing, which was probably a big relationship no-no, but it wasn't like his nii-san would go about telling anyone. Not only was Itachi an immensely private person when it came to his personal life, but he stood to lose almost as much as Sasuke himself if the Uchiha Elders caught wind of their secret.

Thursday took forever to get through - Shisui's attempt to reason with Genzo had failed spectacularly, which led to an emergency clan meeting and an Elder-sanctioned notice to the stubborn ass that failure to pay Fumito what he was due by next Tuesday would result in his swift eviction from the District - while Friday was _slightly_ better. That was, until Sasuke got home two hours after dark to find his mother waiting at the kitchen table with a bowl of soup and a burning desire to discuss the menu for tomorrow's dinner.

Now, Sasuke was no cook. And he'd met the Harunos _once_ , a decade ago, at some stupid Team 7 mixer Kakashi had been blackmailed into arranging by the Yondaime. As a result, the idea that _he_ would have any sort of deep insights into whether Sakura's parents would prefer beef or salmon was really beyond him. And when Mikoto had started on _dessert_ … well, Sasuke loved his mother dearly, but even he had his limits. Declaring himself exhausted, he'd rapidly excused himself, grabbed a tomato from the counter for a bedtime snack, and hightailed it to his bedroom, his kaa-san _'s_ beleaguered cry about "just wanting to be sure that we make a good impression on the people who might very well be your future in-laws, Sasuke-kun!" ringing in his pink-tinged ears.

That night, he slept restlessly, mind spinning with nervous thoughts of tomorrow night. From the little Sakura had said over the years, her parents sounded like nice, normal retired shinobi… her mother sweet if a bit high strung and her father exceedingly kind with a mischievous sense of humor. Given that Sasuke had survived almost twenty-five years of Mikoto and Fugaku, not to mention all the life-or-death experiences he'd had over the course of his shinobi career, the Harunos _should_ have been a breeze. Yet, painfully aware of his social ineptitude, the fact that he really _really_ should have at least introduced himself before proposing to their daughter, and the knowledge that he would be expected to look Haruno Kizashi square in the eye and welcome him to his parents house while sitting on the secret that he had totally impregnated his little Cherry Blossom, he was more or less at his wit's ends. _Tch. What a disaster._

Sasuke woke Saturday morning with a splitting headache. After dressing himself in an all black ensemble that befit his current mood quite nicely, he made his way to the kitchen, grunted a tight-lipped good morning to his parents, and set the kettle on the stove, figuring that some of the chamomile tea from Itachi's stash might help to sooth his fraying nerves. As he waited for the water to boil, he furtively eyed his father, who was reading the newspaper at the kitchen table, his mouth set in a firmly downturned line. Outwardly, he appeared to be his usual, ornery self, although Sasuke had a sneaking suspicion that he was also less than looking forward to the evening's affairs. Meanwhile, his mother was positively dancing around the kitchen, already beginning work on tonight's feast by the look of the sink full of potatoes she was midway through scrubbing. "Sasuke-kun, did you sleep well?" she cooed, giving him a warm smile. "Is there anything special you'd like for breakfast? Looking forward to tonight?"

 _No, no, and no._ Sasuke shrugged noncommittally, not wishing to upset the woman but also definitely not in the mood for conversation. "That's all right, kaa-san," he replied shortly, pouring the now-boiling water into the earthen mug containing his tea bag, "I'll be leaving in a few minutes. Clan business."

His father harrumphed, in no way, shape, or form having gotten over the fact that he was no longer Uchiha clan head, while Mikoto frowned slightly, dark eyes full of motherly concern. "The Elders work you too hard, Sasuke. Meeting before nine on a Saturday morning… and on such an _important_ day too…"

Sasuke grimaced as he took a sip of the tea. _Far too sweet for his liking._ "It's just a dinner," he murmured, as much to himself as to Mikoto. It _wasn't_ just a dinner… but she wasn't supposed to know that yet.

The woman hummed rather knowingly, turning her attention back to the sink, and Sasuke found himself wondering not for the first time if she possessed Yamanaka blood. "Whatever you say. Just make sure you're home by five. The Harunos are supposed to get here around six, and you'll want to leave plenty of time to freshen up. After all, you only get to make a first impression once!"

 _He was so done with this conversation._ Taking another sip of the tea - _seriously, how in Kami's name did Itachi drink this crap?_ \- he set the half-empty mug down on the counter, thanked his mother (he wasn't entirely sure for what, but it seemed the appropriate thing to do), and nodded to his father, which earned him a vague grunt of acknowledgment. Then, crossing to the front door, he slipped on his sandals and made his way out onto the street, trying and failing to put the coming evening out of his mind.

Unlike the rest of the week, the day positively flew by. One minute, Sasuke was entering the clan building that had more or less been his primary residence since taking over as Acting Clan Head, and, the next, it was quarter to six, and he was shunshinning home, his mother's comment about first impressions echoing somewhat threateningly through his mind. He really hadn't meant to cut things quite so close, but right as he'd been starting to make his way to the door, he'd found himself accosted by one of the younger Elders, Uchiha Yoshi, which had resulted in a rather involved twenty-minute lecture about the merits of universal _katon_ and _shurikenjutsu_ training prior to the enrollment of Uchiha youths into the Academy.

Barreling into the entrance way of his parents' home, he found himself salivating from the heavenly aroma of roasting meat. _Probably shouldn't have skipped lunch_. Poking his head into the kitchen, he met eyes with his mother, clad in a formal navy Uchiha clan kimono, her hair done up into some sort of complicated-looking twist and a spotless white apron tied around her slender waist. "Oh thank goodness, Sasuke! I was just starting to worry that you'd ducked out on us, and we _couldn't_ have that." Her eyes jumped to the clock over the stove. "You'd better hurry! Sakura-chan is always so prompt, and I _know_ you'll want to be by the door to greet the Harunos the minute they arrive."

He _didn't_ want that actually, much as he was looking forward to seeing Sakura after a four-day hiatus, but it was much too late to back out now, and his mother did tend to know best when it came to social matters. Besides, it wasn't all bad. After tonight, they could stop hiding at least one secret, which would hopefully make their lives a little less stressful. _Probably wishful thinking, given the whole baby thing…_

With a short "ah," Sasuke ducked off to the bathroom for a three-minute shower, a four-minute wrangling of the formal kimono that Mikoto had laid out for him ( _she was going_ so _overboard with this whole make a good impression on the Harunos thing)_ , and a five-minute battle with his hair (which he lost decidedly, but that was fine because Sakura said she liked it messy anyway… something about bedhead being sexy). Just as he was contemplating whether or not a drop or two of gel would have been a better idea than his natural state, a resounding knock alerted him to the exceedingly disconcerting fact that the Harunos had arrived. _Go time._

Stalking down the hall, Sasuke reached the front door just behind his mother, somewhat bemused despite his nerves by the discovery that his father was nowhere in sight. _Coward._ Mikoto's eyes ran critically over his appearance, smile spreading and then fading as her gaze reached the top of his head. "Your _hair_ , Sasuke-kun. It really does have a mind of its own. Well, I suppose it can't be helped. Ready?"

Sasuke's stomach flipped unpleasantly. "Ah," he lied, fighting the urge to scowl. _Sakura's parents. First impressions._

With that, the door swung open to reveal the Haruno family. As his mother assumed the demeanor of the perfect hostess, graciously welcoming their guests, Sasuke took the opportunity to properly size up the situation. His eyes ran to Sakura first, standing on the left side of the doorway. Well versed in how seriously Uchiha Mikoto took family affairs, she'd kicked her usual attire up quite a few notches and was clad in an elegant mint-green kimono, decorated with the blossoms that were her namesake - _probably_ her _mother's idea_ … _she herself had never really been one for cherry blossom puns -_ and tied with a white obi that accented her petite frame. As their gazes met, her full lips turned upwards into what he recognized as a vaguely nervous grin that sent his own heart hammering in his chest. _Yes, they would make it through this night of awkwardness. Together._

Fortified by the sight of his fiancee and aware of his mother's expectant stare, Sasuke nodded his head, eyes sliding over his future in-laws as he quietly murmured that it was a pleasure to see them. Haruno Kizashi was a tall, somewhat burly man with a friendly, honest face; bright green eyes that strongly recalled Sakura's own; and a shock of dusty pink hair styled into a shape that could only be described as starfish like. _And to think, he'd been nervous about what the Harunos would think of his own unruly mop._ To his right was his wife, Mebuki, a thin, blonde woman who stood about a head taller than Sakura herself, her somewhat timid smile mirroring her daughter's. They appeared to be a nice, normal family, just as he'd vaguely remembered from back when they'd been genin. _Nothing to be afraid of. Entirely expected. He could deal with this..._

That was, until Kizashi pulled Sasuke in for an entirely shocking, decidedly Naruto-like hug, a look of sheer joy stretched across his far too enthusiastic face. "A pleasure indeed! Haruno Kizashi… but please, call me Kizashi. You know, I was just saying to Mebuki and Sakura on the way over… our little Cherry Blossom used to talk about you nonstop way back during your Academy days! To think, almost _two decades_ later, here we are!"

 _Okay, so Sakura's tou-san was very possibly crazy._ She _had_ warned him that her father could be handful. He just hadn't realized how literally she'd meant it. Through sheer force of will and the guilt-inducing knowledge that Haruno Kizashi would probably be feeling _very_ differently about him if he knew exactly what he had done to darling daughter, Sasuke resisted the urge to forcibly remove himself from Kizashi's surprisingly powerful clutches, instead channeling a cat who knew he'd be able to slink away if he played the game long enough. He was sure that he looked positively ridiculous, and the sound of Sakura's somewhat embarrassed giggle from just a few feet away was prompt confirmation of that fact.

Very fortunately, Haruno Mebuki also seemed to sense Sasuke's discomfort. Her right hand reached out to rest rather authoritatively on her husband's left arm, the firmness of her tone rather reminiscent of Sakura's medic-nin demeanor. "Now then, Kizashi. Don't you think we should give Uchiha-san a bit of space? As I'm sure you remember from the old days, most active-duty shinobi are… less than accustomed to such displays of affection."

It appeared that Kizashi was just as susceptible to his wife's quiet authority as all of Sakura's patients save those with the surname "Hatake" were to hers. Relinquishing his grip on Sasuke, the mauve-haired man grinned somewhat sheepishly, giving Mikoto the perfect window to reclaim the floor. "Kizashi-san, Mebuki-san, may I invite you properly inside? Now that you've met Sasuke, it would be my honor to introduce you to my husband, Fugaku, as well. He should be just in the kitchen, I believe…"

 _Ha. More like hiding in his study._ Sakura's father might have been far too much, but there was at least one good thing that Sasuke would be getting out of all of this. His own stern, stiff-lipped tou-san was going to be positively miserable at having to play the role of doting host, and seeing his father squirm was always quality entertainment.

Hanging back behind the trio of Mebuki, Kizashi, and Mikoto, Sasuke surreptitiously wrapped his right arm around Sakura's slender waist, pulling her in close for a kiss the minute that their parents were out of eyesight. "Sorry about him," she murmured softly against his lips. "I _tried_ telling him that you weren't really a hugger, but he's never been very good about boundaries..."

"Hn. It's fine," Sasuke replied, fingertips idly stroking the small of her back through the silky fabric of her kimono. _Or, at least, having her by his side certainly made up for it._ Lowering his tone, he leaned in towards her ear, a stray wisp of pink hair tickling his chin rather enticingly as he asked the question that had been dancing in the forefront of his mind all week. " _Sakura,_ when do you want to…?"

A shiver coursed through the kunoichi's body, although it was hard to say whether it was prompted by the proximity of his lips or the anticipation of their impending announcement. "Dessert," she replied shortly, green eyes wide and doe-like in the dim lighting of the entrance hall. _So lovely._

Unable to help himself, his lips traced the shell of her ear to the side of her neck - one of her favorite spots - trailing feather-light kisses in their wake. At that, Sakura sighed wistfully, long, pink lashes flitting shut. "Mm... _Sasuke-kun_ …" she breathed, igniting a hungry fire deep within his belly that had him darkly tempted to throw caution to the winds and sweep her off to his bedroom, parents or not.

That was, until the sudden, take-no-prisoners call of his mother to come set the table brought him back to reality, a disgruntled "tch" escaping his lips. Regretfully releasing Sakura's hips with a somewhat frustrated "later" - _why did it always have to be later?_ \- he ushered the rather dreamy-eyed woman down the hall and into the brightly lit kitchen, suddenly grateful for the voluminous fabric of his kimono. For sporting an obvious hard-on in front of the Harunos was _not_ the first impression he intended to make.

As they entered, his mother shot him a knowing half-smile, not missing a beat as she explained to a nodding Mebuki that they'd be having just a simple _family_ meal… braised beef, roasted potatoes, rice, and steamed vegetables, with her homemade green tea ice cream for dessert. _Annoying, clever woman._ Meanwhile, at his father's end of the table, Kizashi had locked onto a tight-lipped Fugaku and was midway through boisterously recounting some C-rank mission to Tea Country he'd been on during his youth. Leading Sakura to the seat next to his own, Sasuke swooped up the chopsticks and napkins his mother had laid out, channeling every bit of his ANBU infiltration training to keep himself quiet and unobtrusive as possible (although, he admittedly couldn't help casting the shadow of a smirk in his disgruntled father's direction).

They sat down to dinner a few minutes later, Sasuke's parents in their usual places at either end of the table, Sakura and Mebuki on either side of Fugaku, and Sasuke and Kizashi on either side of Mikoto. Which, of course, meant that the ball of unbridled energy that was Sakura's father was directly across from Sasuke.

He wasn't sure whether he should be miserable or grateful for the seating arrangements. Kizashi was positively exhausting, and there was definitely something to be said for enjoying his mother's superb cooking without interruption, but his constant chatter had certain silver linings as well. Other than throwing in a few "hns" and "ahs" for good measure, Sasuke didn't really have to contribute much of anything to the conversation, which he never minded. Moreover, the constant jokes and tales from Sakura's childhood had her cheeks a rather pleasant shade of pink, which was definitely a good look for her. _Or maybe that was because his left hand had found its way underneath her kimono and was slowly in the process of reacquainting itself with her right thigh…_

As the meal ran its course and his mother reached out for Kizashi's empty plate to presumably begin clearing the table, Sakura jumped up from her seat, depriving Sasuke's fingers of her supple flesh just as they were beginning to reach distinctly interesting territory. _Tch. Foiled again._ Shooting him a rather threatening glare that he admittedly deserved - feeling up his fiancee under the table during their "meet the parents" dinner probably wasn't his best idea ever - Sakura's attention turned to their hostess. "Don't worry about the dishes, Mikoto-san. I'll take care of it."

His mother's dark eyes positively radiated happiness. " _Arigato_ , Sakura-chan! Kizashi-san, Mebuki-san, have I mentioned yet what a truly thoughtful daughter you've raised? It's been so _wonderful_ having her around these past couple of months."

Kizashi chuckled heartily, patting his own wife's hand as Sakura busied herself with the dishes, complexion positively crimson. "Hai, our Sakura-chan is a special one," he murmured warmly, eyes glowing emerald as they tracked the young woman's movements. "Other than a bit of a temper now and then - I can't _imagine_ where she gets it from! - and an independent streak that is all Mebuki, she's a true joy for both of us. You know, I always heard that daughters could tear your heart out in ways that sons never could, but we really couldn't have asked for anything more."

At the man's heartfelt confession, Sasuke's stomach somersaulted rather unpleasantly, stirringly reminded of the full implications of the secrets they were keeping. _Would Haruno Kizashi still be singing the same tune if he knew about the baby?_ But there was no time for brooding, because Sakura was quickly returning to the table with a tray full of ice cream dishes. At long last, it was time for dessert… and their big reveal.

After distributing the little glass bowls, skipping over Sasuke in awareness of his lack of a sweet tooth, Sakura returned to her seat, right hand finding his left on the tabletop. Glancing towards his fiancee, he noticed the resolve shining in her eyes, a silent confirmation that she was going to do it. "Kaa-san, tou-san, Mikoto-san, Uchiha-san," she began slowly and somewhat tentatively, "There's something important that we have to tell you. Sasuke and I…"

She trailed off, taking a deep breath as she gently squeezed Sasuke's hand. "We're _engaged_."

Mikoto reacted first, dark eyes immediately finding his own, sparkling with what was either absolute joy or utter and complete rage. "Sasuke-kun… is this _true_?"

"Ah," he confirmed with a nod, praying to the gods that it was the former. _If his own mother wasn't on board, they were absolutely sunk._ "As of last weekend."

At that, all hell broke loose, the green tea ice cream completely forgotten. His mother was out of her chair in a flash, pulling him in for a fierce hug that he found himself not really minding despite his usual distaste for such closeness. Meanwhile, Sakura's mother was on her feet as well, face wet with happy tears as she hugged her completely stupefied husband. _Interesting. So_ that _was how one shut up Haruno Kizashi_. On the other hand, Fugaku looked pretty much the same as he always did, although it was impossible to miss the small smirk of bemusement that had crept over his features.

Releasing Sasuke after giving him a firm kiss on the cheek, Mikoto rushed for Sakura next, pulling the pink-cheeked kunoichi in for her own tight embrace. " _Engaged_. I am so _delighted_ for you two," she breathed. Then, she let out a chuckle, shooting Sasuke a full-bodied smirk of her own. So _that's_ what you've been looking so nervous about all week, Sasuke-kun!"

"Hn." _If his mother only knew_.

From the far end of the table, Fugaku spoke up, tone slow and steady as he helped himself to a bite of half-melted ice cream. "Sasuke has reason to be wary, Mikoto. I don't suppose either of you have spoken to the Elders yet?"

 _Of course. His tou-san_ would _bring that up._ "I will now," he replied, aware that Sakura was eyeing him somewhat nervously over his mother's shoulder.

His father looked a bit as if he wanted to say more, but his mother beat him to it. Releasing Sakura, she scowled rather imposingly at her husband, hands coming to her hips. "Oh Fugaku, don't start with _that_ nonsense in front of our guests. The Elders will be _thrilled_ , and you know it. Sakura-chan is a fine woman and a wonderful kunoichi. Now, why don't you get the sake… it's high time for a toast!"

Much as Sasuke loved his mother, he couldn't ignore the fact that she was exaggerating a bit, but they'd sort that out later. As his father ducked off to fulfill his wife's command and Mikoto fetched glasses, Kizashi finally seemed to recover the will to speak. Scratching the side of his head rather dazedly, he let out a rather half-hearted chuckle, green eyes locked on his daughter as she stood by Sasuke's side. "Well, my little Cherry Blossom, it appears that I may have spoken a bit too soon about the things you could do to my heart…."

To his right, his wife glared daggers, and he nodded, evidently switching course. "But, of course, your kaa-san and I are very happy for you and Sasuke-san. Just… a little… _surprised_ , is all…"

"Have the two of you thought about the wedding date?" Mebuki interrupted sagely. "Late fall? Winter? Perhaps next spring? Spring is such a _lovely_ time of the year in Konoha. But, of course, you know well how much I love the cherry blossoms, Sakura."

Glancing to his left, Sasuke met eyes with his fiancee. As it happened, they had discussed the date briefly during his Tuesday visit to the hospital, and Sakura had told him what they'd need to do, timeline wise, in order to seal the deal before the baby made itself too obvious. Never one for second thoughts once fully committed to a course of action, he was fully on board with the schedule she'd proposed. But whether their parents would be (not to mention the Elders) was a different question.

Licking her lips, Sakura nodded, meeting her mother's gaze square on. "Hai. We have. We were thinking June."

Mebuki looked slightly disappointed at that, but she recovered well enough, serene smile quickly returning to her face. "Oh. Well, an extended engagement _is_ supposed to be fashionable these days…. I understand that that weapons kunoichi you're friends with - I think she's marrying a Hyuuga boy? - hasn't even picked a date yet, and they've been engaged for months now. And that will give us _plenty_ of time to better get to know, Sasuke-san. Isn't that right, Kizashi?"

"Actually, kaa-san, I think you misunderstood. I meant _this_ June. As in... six weeks from now."

The Harunos' jaws dropped as one, and it seemed that they weren't the only ones taken aback by Sakura's pronouncement. From across the kitchen, Mikoto let out a rather startled gasp, the tray of uchiwa-branded glasses in her hands taking a rather dangerous wobble that only her kunoichi training was able to save. "Did I hear that right? You want to have the wedding in six _weeks_? Sakura-chan, Sasuke-kun, that should be fine, but... we're got _a lot_ of work to do!"

At that, Sakura let out a rather nervous laugh, a rather appealing flush coming over her complexion. "I suppose that's true!" she replied rather gamely, giving Sasuke's hand a sweet little squeeze that he found himself lacking the fortitude to return. For, knowing his mother like he did, he had a sneaking suspicion that Sakura had less than no idea of what she was in for.


	3. Ino's Investigation

_[AN: Will you look at that... I finished something! Sorry for disappearing for almost two months (more, if we're talking just about this story). Between an early spring vacation, three different stories with half-finished chapters (for those of you curious about my other in-progress FF work, I'm hoping to get the next chapter of Secrets polished up and out soonish too), and a suddenly hectic work schedule, I've found myself with much less time than usual to write this March/April. Hopefully, a new chapter somewhat makes up for it! As usual, the content is rated M, and I do not own Naruto.]_

"Ah, good morning, Yamanaka-san! Tsunade-sama was hoping you'd get in soon! She asked me to have you report straight to surgery this morning. You're on to cover for Haruno-san today!"

Mari, the blue-haired genin who had started at Konoha General four or five months ago, gave Ino a sunny smile from her seat behind the front reception desk. While her enthusiasm as a novice medic-nin was admirable, it was _way_ too much to handle for quarter past seven on a Monday morning.

With a tired nod of her blonde head, Ino did her best to return the chipper greeting while silently cursing Tenten and her penchant for Sunday night gossip sessions. She was always up for the chitchat part of the equation, of course, but the cheap Chardonnay and late stop time that had accompanied last night's installment weren't exactly doing her any favors. She would _presumably_ survive, although the fact that she'd apparently be subbing for Sakura in her least favorite clinical setting didn't leave her feeling particularly optimistic about her chances. _That pink-haired little minx had better have an_ excellent _reason for failing to show up..._

Pulling her white coat out of her medic-nin bag, Ino turned towards the staff room door behind the reception desk. "Thanks, Mari-chan. I'll grab some coffee from the break room and head on up. You know how Mondays can be." _Or, at least, one day she presumably would._ Then, figuring that it couldn't hurt to at least _ask_ , she added, "By the way… did Tsunade-sama say where Forehead - I mean, _Sakura-san_ \- is, by any chance? I didn't realize she'd be out today."

The girl proffered a casual shrug, hazel eyes scanning the computer screen before her. "Not really! She _is_ due in later this morning, though. At eleven-thirty, according to her schedule." Pale hands hovered over the keyboard. "Should I have her report to you when she gets in? If so, just let me know, and I can make a note of it!"

"Oh no, that's all right. I'll track her down. Thanks, though!"

The genin positively beamed. "No problem, Yamanaka-san! I hope you have an absolutely wonderful day!"

As Ino headed down the hall with a parting wave in the reception desk's direction, she couldn't help but chuckle. After all, it hadn't been _all_ that long ago that she herself had been in Mari's place, greeting coming and going staff members, welcoming nervous family members and teammates, and triaging patients. She had felt like such an _adult_ at the time, and the more experienced chunin and jounin medic nins had seemed so ancient and wise. Of course, Ino had never been _quite_ so eager to please as this particular genin, but Mari was a dead-ringer for the fourteen-year-old version of the pink-haired kunoichi she'd apparently be covering for for the next four hours.

In the break room, Ino poured herself a large cup of coffee, thankful for the jolt of caffeine and the few moments of blissful peace and quiet. Then, aware that the clock was ticking and that the Hospital Director she'd presumably be relieving in the OR wasn't exactly a patient woman, the kunoichi set off for the fourth floor. It had been at _least_ five or six months since she'd actually done any work in Surgery. While she'd trained in all the medic-nin arts, of course, that department was usually Sakura's, Shizune's, or Emi's domain, with Tsunade covering as the need arose. But with Sakura off doing Kami-knew-what, Shizune on a much-needed vacation in the Land of Hot Water, Emi on maternity leave, and Tsunade in charge the past twelve hours, duty apparently called.

After scrubbing up, Ino entered the unit with a deferential nod at Tsunade-sama's typically combative greeting. "About _time_ , Yamanaka!" she snapped, cutting a swift course for the door. "I don't know _what's_ gotten into your generation lately, but I'm not liking it!"

Despite Ino's lack of enthusiasm for the assignment, the next four hours passed quickly enough. Thanks in large part to the impending Academy graduation and the summer's upcoming chunin exams, spring tended to be a busy time of year around Konoha General. The day proved no exception, leaving Ino and her meager staff of two chunin assistants with barely enough time to keep organized.

Their first patient arrived about five minutes after Tsunade's departure, young Yamanaka Taki, nursing a dislocated shoulder and sobbing about his chunin exam chances being over before they'd even started. Ino patched him up and sent him on his way quickly enough, shaking her head all the while at her little cousin's dramatic tendencies. _Where he got it from, she would_ never _know._

Next came a rather apologetic jounin sensei accompanied by her trio of genin, one of whom had apparently gone a bit overboard with a _doton_ jutsu, resulting in a broken femur for the second and a shattered wrist for the third. _Oh, the joys of geninhood._ Ino and her assistants dealt with the damage quickly and efficiently, sending the squad on its merry way within the hour with, very fortunately, no lasting damage.

Their timing turned out to be perfect, for Choji's mother had a hip replacement surgery scheduled for nine-thirty, and she was characteristically prompt. As Ino's team went through the necessary prep work, the Akimichi matriarch was chatty as ever, bemoaning her son's meager dating prospects. "I had _so_ hoped your old classmate - that cute little kunoichi with the lovely pink hair - might be a good fit for him," she commented to Ino as Chunin Assistant #1 took care of the necessary paperwork and prepped the IV line. "But _now_ I hear she's dating that sulky Uchiha boy. That clan gets _all_ the most talented kunoichi, you know. Other than you, of course, Ino-chan!"

Ino liked her job, but for a part-time hospital employee whose clinical duties usually consisted of once-weekly psychiatric consultations, it was all rather _exhausting_. And so, when the staff door opened roughly fifteen minutes after her assistants had wheeled Akimichi-san off to the recovery room, she couldn't help but sigh in relief at the sight of Sakura's signature pink locks, despite being more than a little miffed about her late arrival. _Not that she'd be letting the woman off easy._

Pushing down her surgical mask and breathing in the odor of the lemon disinfectant she'd been scrubbing across the operating table, Ino fixed her new companion with her best T&I glare. "Well, Forehead, you are certainly a sight for sore eyes. And you'd better have one _hell_ of an excuse for showing up to work four hours late. If it was old loverboy Uchiha fucking up your schedule again, I am going to absolutely _destroy_ him, Sharingan or not."

The new arrival's cheeks turned a rather delicate shade of pink in a seemingly silent confirmation of Ino's suspicions. Since she and Sasuke had officially become an item, Sakura had had even _less_ time than usual for their kunoichi-only outings. Now, Ino would never fault her friend for wanting as much one-on-one time with the handsome bastard as she could wrangle. After all, their relationship was still in the "honeymoon phase," and she herself had been guilty of that same crime more than once. That being said, letting the Uchiha cut into her _professional_ life was a new low, and not something she ever would have predicted. _It appeared that a little Yamanaka pep talk was in order._

"Look, Sakura," Ino began, doing her best to keep her tone light but authoritative, channeling the older, wiser, more experienced best friend she so _obviously_ was, "I _know_ Sasuke's hot as fuck. That this is your first serious relationship. That you've been waiting for this moment for more than half your life. That the sex is fantastic and you've got _a lot_ of catching up to do. And that this all might sound a little hypocritical coming from me. But _come on_ , girl! Friday night cocktails are one thing, but you can't go skipping out on your _job_ to get more dick. I pinky promise that I'm not going to say anything this time around, but you _know_ how gossip travels around the hospital. If Shizune or Tsunade-sama find out that you spent Monday morning in bed with Sasuke, you're going to be seriously fucked. And _not_ in the way you'd like to-"

The blonde trailed off, suddenly aware that her friend's pink cheeks had turned positively scarlet with rage and that she _might_ have whisper-shouted her name once or thrice. "INO! Sweet Kami, could you _please_ shut up and listen to me for once before someone _hears_ you!" she hissed through clenched teeth. "That isn't it _at all_!"

A perfectly sculpted eyebrow shot towards her hairline. "Oh no? You _swear_ you weren't with Sasuke this morning?" _Did Forehead_ seriously _think she could lie to her? After everything they'd been through?_

Sakura's hands dropped obstinately to her scrub-clad hips as she met Ino's accusatory stare head on. "I took _paid time off_ , you idiot! It was on the master schedule. And yes, it _was_ technically because of Sasuke-kun... but it wasn't what you think! We had... I mean, we were busy... well, that is to say... there was… this thing. An _appointment._ And it couldn't wait."

Ino wiggled her eyebrows knowingly, prompting emerald eyes to roll. "Don't you _dare_ look at me like that _._ I'm not in the mood. If you _must_ know… it was with the, um, Uchiha Elders."

 _An appointment with the Uchiha Elders that couldn't wait. That was…_ weird. After all, for the past six and change weeks, her friend's modus operandi when it came to Uchiha clan affairs had been to keep as low a profile as possible. Deeply sensitive to the fact that the average Uchiha Elder wasn't exactly a fan of outsiders and held some decidedly archaic notions about appropriate relationship behaviors, Sakura had by-and-large resisted the temptation to flaunt her newfound relationship, keeping the PDA to a relative minimum and her person far away from the Uchiha District (with the obvious exception of those had-to-be-awkward biweekly dinners upon which Uchiha Mikoto apparently insisted).

Now, Sakura's concerns weren't totally unfounded. At the rate his supposedly perfect brother was moving when it came to the all-important matter of procreation, Sasuke might end up being far more integral to the main family's continuation than anyone had anticipated. But there was no need to panic quite yet. Itachi was _just_ thirty, which means that there was still plenty of time for him to be strong-armed into a very probably incestuous marriage. Sure, he was dragging his feet, but he seemed to be a dutiful-enough sucker to eventually go along with it. Besides, as Choji's mother had observed less than an hour ago and Ino had _tried_ to explain multiple times over the past month, Haruno Sakura was actually quite the catch.

That being said, she was also _notoriously_ stubborn. As such, her sudden attendance of an official Uchiha clan meeting was a massive about face. In Ino's mind, it could really only have been prompted by one thing. One _big fucking deal_ of a thing.

Darting around the operating table, the Yamanaka kunoichi took a firm hold of the blue glove on Sakura's left hand. Fully ignoring her friend's shriek that "this is supposed to be a sterile area, Pig! Scrubs are to be worn at all times!" she yanked the latex over her wrist and off, gaze immediately jumping to her victim's left ring finger in heart-pounding anticipation of what she'd find.

Sure enough, perched ever-so-prettily on said digit was an absolutely _gorgeous_ ruby flanked by two sizable diamonds. The center stone had to be _at least_ a couple of carats, and the diamonds were nothing to sneeze at either, shining cheekily in the harsh fluorescent lighting. It appeared that Uchiha Sasuke had put his ANBU earnings to _very_ good use _._

Ino couldn't help it. Despite the fact that they were totally standing in the middle of Konoha General's operating room at quarter to twelve on a Monday morning, she let out a positively massive squeal of glee before pulling her somewhat shell-shocked companion in for a crushing hug. "Kami, Forehead! I can't believe it! You actually bagged Uchiha Sasuke. I am _so_ proud of you right now. Like, solo S-class mission-level proud. And, I'll tell you what. I take back everything I ever said about so many fish and moving on to bigger and better things and waiting being for bores and Sasuke being an entitled asshole who doesn't deserve you." _That didn't sound quite right._ " _Well._.. maybe I don't take back that last part. Because I'm pretty sure he's still an entitled asshole, and he _totally_ doesn't deserve you. Not even for a heartbeat. But you know what I'm trying to say. Right, Sak?"

Sakura laughed weakly, a slow, bashful smile spreading across her round face as she disentangled herself from Ino's embrace. "I think so, Pig. I appreciate the enthusiasm, at least! The Elders were a bit less… ah... _gushy_."

 _So, Sasuke popped the question without preemptively asking his clan's permission first. Bad move, politically speaking, but good for him._ "I'll bet. That must have been one hell of a conversation."

The pink-haired kunoichi frowned in that "I just went through hell and back" kind of way. "Actually, the discussion was pretty minimal. Remember, this _is_ the Uchiha we're talking about. The tension and the _silence_ that followed after we told them, though, was _horrible._ I've _never_ seen Sasuke-kun more nervous. He was actually sweating, and I was sure I was going to be sick. But, then, Fugaku-san 'ahed' that he was on board; Ichiro-sama, their oldest member, kind of 'tched' and said 'so be it'; and Sasuke's great aunt 'hned' and muttered something about seeing to the clan shrine. Believe it or not, that was pretty much it!"

She laughed nervously, clearly still in total and complete disbelief. "Kind of crazy, right?"

Ino rolled her eyes, the sense of deja vu almost painful. _When would this girl_ learn _?_ "Not really. It's like I've been _trying_ to tell you for weeks now, Sakura. The Uchiha might be the most old-fashioned clan in the village, but even _they're_ not too far up their own asses to realize how lucky they've got it with you. You're gorgeous, talented, classy, smart, and, most importantly in their eyes, _influential_. Sure, you might not have a Sharingan, but you're the undisputed heiress to Senju Tsunade's legendary techniques, with perfect chakra control to boot. I mean, seriously, who _wouldn't_ want you having their babies?"

She paused, aware that Sakura was looking distinctly uncomfortable and more than a little queasy. It was _probably_ all the flattery... she'd never been the most confident kunoichi on the training field, after all. So, taking mercy on the woman (and also, admittedly quite curious about some of the more juicy details of what exactly had gone down post-proposal), the blonde switched gears. "Anyway, that's enough Uchiha clan crap for one morning. When did this all happen? What did your parents say? Sasuke spoke with your tou-san first, right?"

For Kizashi-san's sake, Ino dearly _hoped_ so. But Sasuke being Sasuke, that was very probably wishful thinking.

Sure enough, Sakura shook her head in a resounding "no." "We told them last night since my parents were in town for the weekend. Sasuke actually asked me a week before, during our Saturday afternoon training session."

Ino snorted, more than a little amused by the Uchiha's utter and complete lack of imagination. _Not that she could_ really _talk. After all, Shikamaru had proposed to her while they were in bed together._ "Well, that's certainly… _true to form._ "

"Yes, isn't it perfect?" the kunoichi cooed happily, totally missing the sarcasm. It was kind of adorable in a hopeless, love-struck sort of way. "Kaa-san's over the moon, of course, as is Sasuke-kun's mother. His father didn't really _say_ much, but Sasuke said that was a good sign, and he didn't voice any concerns at this morning's meeting, so he's presumably on board. As for tou-san…"

Sakura broke off with a somewhat pained grimace, hands nervously clasping before her. "You know how he can be. I'm _hoping_ he gets over the initial shock soon. I'm honestly not sure what I'll do if he breaks down during the ceremony…"

Ino laughed somewhat sympathetically at that. Having spent more than a few sleepovers at the Haruno residence back in the day, she was well aware of Kizashi's tendency to forget that his darling Cherry Blossom was no longer a hair bow-wearing six year old. "I'm _sure_ he'll be just fine, Sakura. I mean, you and Sasuke just got engaged! He'll have months and _months_ to get used to the idea."

"Mm… well, more like a handful of weeks."

"I'm sorry… weeks?" Ino repeated, utterly and completely lost. _There was no_ way _Uchiha Mikoto would let them elope. Right?_

Sakura nodded, as if everything was perfectly fine and normal, although her gaze suddenly dropped to the hospital floor, a surefire sign that something fishy was up. "That's right. We've picked an early summer date. June 2. Which reminds me. If you think your family's flower shop will be able to swing it, could Mikoto-san and I stop by this coming weekend for a consultation? No pressure, of course. I realize the timing's a bit… well… _tight..._ "

 _Tight was certainly_ one _way of putting it_. "As long as you're thinking simple, we _should_ be able to pull that off," Ino agreed slowly. "But, what's the rush, Sakura? Don't you want to enjoy your engagement? Revel in your waning days of single kunoichi-hood? This isn't some crazy Uchiha clan thing, is it? A new, bizarre manifestation of Sasuke's and Naruto's seemingly undying need to constantly one-up one another? A great deal on your dream honeymoon spot? I mean, given that you're Konoha's second-best medic, you're _obviously_ not preg-"

Mari's cheery voice suddenly filtered over the operating room loudspeaker, cutting Ino off mid-sentence. "Reception to OR. An injured chunin platoon is headed your way. T-minus three minutes."

The rosy blush that had come over Sakura's cheeks instantly faded, green gaze snapping upwards in what Ino recognized as medic-nin mode. "Let's move, Pig! Gossip time is over!"

"Roger that!"

Ino snapped her surgical mask back in place, turning away from her friend to collect a fresh set of instruments. Yes, their conversation certainly appeared to be over... _for now_. But she would get to the bottom of this little shotgun wedding. After all, Sakura had always been a _terrible_ liar, and something funny was most definitely afoot.

* * *

Quarter past ten in the morning, the second Saturday in May, found Ino in one of her most familiar Konoha haunts: atop a little rickety stool tucked behind the worn wooden counter of her family's flower shop. While the store technically didn't open to the public until eleven, due to the summer wedding rush, this was actually the third Saturday in a row that Ino was reporting to work early. Usually, this fact would have left her not so quietly grumbling about insane schedules and the importance of beauty rests. But today, given who exactly their 10:30 am client was, she found herself focused, energized, and chomping at the bit to get started.

While Ino had known about Sakura's sudden engagement to Uchiha Sasuke for almost a week now, she was still periodically pinching herself. It was just _so_ surreal. Her best friend had been in love with her new fiance since basically forever. So long that even an admitted romantic like herself had thrown in the towel and advised the pink-haired medic to seek less angsty, more available pastures. But somehow, the stubborn little minx had seemingly pulled off the impossible, ensnaring the notoriously difficult to pin down Uchiha while simultaneously making herself the envy of at least a quarter of Konoha's single kunoichi population (and probably more than a few engaged and married women as well).

Thanks to their brief chat at the hospital back on Monday, she knew the basic, sanitized facts. Unfortunately, given the setting, they hadn't really had much of a chance to go into the more interesting, less safe-for-work bits or start plotting the totally wild bachelorette shindig Ino would obviously be throwing. And, most tragically of all, she was still completely at a loss when it came to the happy couple's lightning-fast engagement. But today, they'd be making up for lost time in grand fashion with a flower appointment followed by a meeting with a caterer followed by a wedding kimono consultation. As Sakura's sworn Best Friend, Sworn Confidante, Chief Advisor on All Things Love, and Maid of Honor, the blonde couldn't wait.

The tinkle of the shop bell had Ino jumping to her feet to dust off her already spotless white apron, a reflexive "Irasshaimase!" on her lips as her ice blue eyes took in the pair of women in the doorway.

The bride-to-be entered first, clad in a rather flowy, sleeveless red top that seemed to be new and a pair of clingy white capris, a slightly nervous grin playing across her face. Close behind was Uchiha Mikoto, stately as ever in a midnight purple dress whose square neckline showed of her enviable collarbones and long, slender neck. While Ino had always thought of the Uchiha matriarch as an imposing, somewhat intimidating woman, she smiled sweetly, returning the greeting with an "ohayou gozaimasu!" of her own and a polite nod.

Bustling out from behind the countertop, Ino ushered the duo over to the little round table towards the back of the shop where she and her mother usually held event consultations. After getting them seated and fetching three steaming mugs of jasmine tea, she took the final seat, cracking open her notebook as she pulled out the pen tucked behind her right ear. "So, Sakura, Uchiha-san. Welcome to Yamanaka's… we are _delighted_ that you've chosen us to help make your big day even brighter! When it comes to flowers, tell me roughly what you're thinking."

In Ino's professional experience, her initial, open-ended question usually prompted the mothers to jump in, and she could see from the glint in Uchiha Mikoto's eye that the woman was sorely tempted. That being said, the older woman kept her thoughts to herself, shifting her gaze to the pink-haired woman to her right. "What do you think, Sakura-chan?"

Sakura's cheeks colored rather sweetly. "Well, the wedding is in June," she began somewhat tentatively, "So I was thinking that we'd keep things seasonal. Nothing too complicated or flashy. You know how Sasuke is. As for colors… it's obviously the Uchiha, so we'll be working with the traditional palette... "

Ino pursed her lips, nodding thoughtfully. While exceedingly tempted to raise the quickie wedding question again, given Uchiha Mikoto's presence, it was time to keep matters professional. "Mm. That all sounds reasonable. As I was saying to you the other day, the date is a _bit_ tight, but we'll definitely be able to make it work! Now, when it comes to blooms, roses are obviously a classic and will just be coming into season. They'll easily give you the reds and whites you're looking for. We can throw some other flora into the mix too, to liven things up a bit. Style and scale wise, we can definitely keep things pretty minimal. Bouquets are obviously a must, as are flowers for the reception. For the ceremony, we could consider a garland and/or some sort of decor around the altar if that would work for the Uchiha Elders. Why don't you and Mikoto-san browse our lookbook and tell me what stands out? It would help to have a sense of your budget too, of course, just to make sure we keep everything on track."

"It's relatively flexible," Mikoto observed evenly as Sakura began flipping through the proffered book, pausing for a few extra moments on a recently added photo of the altar that Ino and her mother had crafted from cherry blossom branches for Naruto's and Hinata's recent wedding. "For the Elders, it's most key to keep things traditional and appropriate. Pretty though it would be, we'll be expected to keep the Naka Shrine unadorned. Although the reception can certainly be a different story."

The older woman smiled indulgently at her future daughter-in-law, and Ino found herself decidedly impressed by just how well the pair seemed to be getting along. Shika's mother had been nothing but kind since their engagement, but one could be jealous of Sakura's and Mikoto's seeming rapport.

They oohed and aahed over the photos for a good fifteen or twenty minutes, Ino taking copious notes on the duo's preferences while asking some additional questions about numbers, shapes, and scale. Then, after putting together a few quick sketches, she shut her notebook with a smile. "Well, I think that should be enough to get us started. The next step will be for me to come up with an itemization list, which I'll make sure to get to you by the end of next week. I obviously know how to reach you, Sakura! Now, I don't know about the two of you, but I'm _starving_. Shall we head over to the caterer's?"

With a giggle from Sakura and another indulgent smile from Mikoto, they exited the shop onto the sunny street. The caterer's shop was a short walk, just a few streets over, at the edge of one of the village's ritzier neighborhoods. It was a locally famous place, having provided victuals for high-profile events ranging from Naruto's and Hinata's recent wedding, the Yondaime's silver anniversary a couple of years ago, and even the Daimyo's sixtieth birthday party, with legendary quality and prices to match. Of course, given the rumored wealth of the clan Sakura was marrying into, none of this was exactly surprising.

As they entered the clean, cheery space, they were immediately greeted by Akimichi Aina, the owner of the establishment, who also happened to be Choji's second cousin once removed and an old friend of Ino's own mother. The heavy-set woman greeted them with a megawatt smile, blue shirt sleeves rolled up to her elbows, dark hair knotted back in a tight bun, and a crisp, white apron tied around her barrel-like waist. "Ah! Haruno-san, Uchiha-san, Ino-chan. Welcome to Akimichi's! I hope you've brought your appetites!"

Without further ado, she swept them through the front of the shop, past the various prepared foods to go (including an exceedingly tempting display case of desserts that included the _best_ custard pudding Ino had ever eaten), towards a private little alcove in the back, where a rectangular table for three had been set up. Taking a seat to Sakura's left, Ino breathed in the positively _delicious_ aroma drifting from the nearby kitchen door, the scent of some sort of yeasty bread baking leaving her salivating. "It smells just _heavenly_ in here," she gushed to her companions as Akimichi-san ducked momentarily out of sight, presumably to fetch the first of her offerings.

To her great surprise, Sakura responded with a decidedly lackluster hum. While she might not be quite as food oriented as Ino herself, one would think she'd be a bit more enthusiastic about the fact that this whole outing was centered around her _own freaking wedding_. _Could Uchiha Mikoto's presence have her feeling antsy?_ The duo had seemed to get along exceedingly well back at the flower shop, and Sakura hadn't said anything in the past about the woman being anything other than gracious. Still, she _was_ an Uchiha and her future mother-in-law...

Proving that the Uchiha clan's mighty powers of observation weren't just the purview of their active-duty shinobi, Mikoto turned a friendly yet somewhat inquisitive eye upon the woman seated between them. "Are you feeling all right, Sakura dear? You look a touch pale."

Accidentally knocking her chopsticks off of the table with an ill-timed jerk of her left elbow, the pink-haired kunoichi's cheeks flushed in a surefire sign of nervousness. _How strange._ "Oh, yes! I mean, I'm perfectly fine! I just need some food. I skipped breakfast, you see… it's a bad habit of mine. But, now that you mention it, Mikoto-san, I _have_ actually been nursing a bit of a nagging cold. Nothing serious… just a postnasal drip. Or it might be spring allergies. It can be hard to tell them apart sometimes, you know!" She let out an exceedingly fake little laugh before ducking under the table to retrieve her cutlery, almost knocking her forehead against the table in her swiftness to take herself out of view.

Ino was in no way, shape, or form convinced by the act. _Was Mikoto?_ Ice blue eyes furtively scanned the pale woman's own even expression, but her poker face was much too good to penetrate without resorting to a Yamanaka jutsu (which was _definitely_ off the table).

"Make sure you're taking care of yourself, Sakura-chan," the Matriarch commented evenly as Sakura's pink head reappeared. "I'm aware of your obligations at the hospital and fully support them. But this is a very _special time_ for you and Sasuke, and we can't have you running yourself _too_ ragged."

Very fortunately for Sakura, their hostess chose that moment to return from the kitchen, bearing a positively massive silver platter laden with _at least_ a dozen different appetizer options: several gem-like pieces of sashimi, a decidedly tempting looking salmon nigiri, four different dumplings, two types of buns, an interesting sort of puff that smelled orgasmically cheesy, two different soups poured into glass shooters, tempura, crudites with dip, and a triangular toast topped with roe and a green spread that looked a bit like avocado. _Jackpot!_

"Now, then. Here's what I'm thinking for your passed hors d'oeuvres," the Akimichi woman began, setting the platter onto the table. "As you can see, I've included the cream of tomato soup you requested, Uchiha-san, as well as the shrimp tempura for you, Sakura-san. For dumplings, we've got pork, duck, vegetable, and mushroom, and the buns are beef and leek. It's our standard mix… they're always crowd pleasers. I've also thrown in our signature cheese puffs; a split pea shooter that I hope you'll agree is the embodiment of spring; a nice, light toast that can be made vegetarian friendly if preferred; and, since we're heading into the warmer months, several sushi and sashimi preparations. Of course, we're more than happy to adjust the fish selection according to your tastes. I've gone with salmon, fatty tuna, and shrimp here, but we can serve anything our procurer out in Wave Country can provide!"

As she chewed Aina's legendary puff, Ino was fairly sure that her eyes were the size of dinner plates. _Kami, had she picked the wrong profession. Screw the medic-nin, T &I, kunoichi, and flower shop crap. It was time to open "Yamanaka's Party Platters" STAT! _

Meanwhile, at the far end of the table, Mikoto seemed quite satisfied as well, letting out a delighted sigh as she set down a now-empty glass of tomato bisque. "Goodness, Akimichi-san, This all looks and tastes just _wonderful_. Sasuke is going to absolutely adore this soup. Don't you think, Sakura-chan?"

"Oh yes, definitely," Sakura replied in a valiant yet somewhat hollow attempt at perkiness, swirling her own shooter, still full of verdant-green liquid. " _Arigato_ , Akimichi-san. This was exactly what we were hoping."

 _Hm… was it_ , _though_? Despite having claimed that she was hungry just a few minutes ago, Sakura didn't actually appear to have touched much of _anything_ , the white plate before her still pristine. _Perhaps, she was on some sort of pre-wedding diet?_ If so, the little pixie _definitely_ didn't need it (not to mention that her self-control was making Ino herself feel more than little piggish). "Have you tried any of the sashimi, Sakura?" she asked enticingly, pushing the leaf-shaped little plate in the bride-to-be's direction. "I know shrimp has always been your favorite."

To Ino's great surprise, Sakura shuddered in what appeared to be a physical expression of distaste. "Oh _no_. I _couldn't_ ," she replied, setting down her chopsticks rather forcefully. "You see, I... had a recent bout of food poisoning. Right after Naruto-kun's wedding. And I think it's actually shrimp the did it."

Akimichi Aina's full lips turned decidedly _down_ at that, burly arms crossing across her formidable chest in a manner that rather resembled Choiji whenever some idiot decided to make a fat comment. _Way to insult the caterer, Forehead._

To her credit, Sakura seemed immediately aware of her little faux pas, green eyes widening in horror and pink cheeks growing even rosier than they'd already been. "Not that I don't trust _you,_ of course, Akimichi-san!" she gasped out, shifting into full-on damage-control mode. "I didn't mean that it was _at_ the wedding that I was exposed. The food that day was absolutely wonderful… so fresh! I'm just, uh... a little wary still! The memories, you know. The mere thought of even biting into a piece of raw fish right now…"

"Oh, _of course_. That's very understandable, Sakura-chan," Mikoto cut in diplomatically, her soothing, motherly smile somewhat mask-like in its opacity. "And, I'm happy to confirm on your behalf that the tuna is to die for." Dark eyes shifted to the woman before them. "Now, Akimichi-san, not to rush you, but perhaps we should move on to discussing the entrees? We have a kimono fitting at 1:30, so unfortunately our schedule is a little tight today."

Suppressing a major case of stink eye, the caterer nodded deferentially, a smooth smile sliding its way back over her face. "Certainly, Uchiha-san! We'll make sure to get you out of here in plenty of time to make your next appointment. So. When it comes to the entrees, I usually recommend having a meat and a fish option. Steak is our usual go to. As for fish... perhaps a nice swordfish teriyaki?"

That all sounded perfectly wonderful and fabulous in Ino's mind, but apparently Little Miss Picky was having other thoughts. "Hm… do you think, maybe, we could change one of those to chicken?" Sakura asked rather slowly, chewing her lower lip. "I'm trying to avoid red meat right now, and I'm kind of... _mixed_ on the swordfish concept. It's just not really, well, _doing_ it for me, you know?"

As the Akimichi woman started running through her assorted poultry preparations - katsu, teriyaki, soba, yakitori, roasted, sauteed, poached, stuffed, braised, broiled, butterflied, stewed, curry - Ino found herself beginning to get a little… _peeved_. Yes, this was obviously Sakura's wedding. And yes, she deserved to eat whatever she wanted on her big day. _Although chicken was one_ seriously _boring request._ But since when had she _cared_ so damn much about what she put in her mouth? The Haruno Sakura that Ino knew bought those seriously sketchy frozen meals from the vending machines in the hospital basement, for Kami's sake! Not to mention that much of what Sakura was saying was categorically untrue. They'd gone out for _both_ sushi and barbecue just the other week. And hadn't she happily gobbled up a generous plate of swordfish something or other at Hinata's bachelorette dinner back in April? Tastes could obviously change… but this was a seemingly seismic shift in her palate.

After several minutes of overly complicated negotiations that involved Akimichi-san pushing for this-or-that gourmet addition and an increasingly obstinate Sakura insisting that a plain grilled breast of chicken would really be fine, they settled on broiled lemon chicken with rice and steamed veggies. As Uchiha Mikoto so politely put it: "It's not exactly the most _exciting_ choice in the world, but it's simple, wholesome food that I'm sure everyone will love."

 _Or, everyone other than Sakura would just order the steak._ That was certainly what Ino would be doing, at any rate.

And, then, _finally_ , it was time to talk about what was very possibly the most important part of the wedding meal. One of the big perks of the whole wedding-planning business. The major reason - aside from wanting to be a good, supportive best friend and maid-of-honor, of course - that Ino had agreed to tag along on this whole expedition in the first place. The tasting of the wine pairings and the crafting of the signature cocktail.

Except for one, _significant_ issue.

"Actually, Akimichi-san, I don't think we really need to worry about doing any sampling. I'm sure whatever you pick will be wonderful."

"I'm sorry, Forehead, dear. _What_ did you just say?"

Ino had been doing her best to hold her tongue. To ignore the fact that Sakura was being pretty freaking _weird_ and un-Sakura-like in deference to the assumption that she was probably just a little nervous about going through this whole process with her future mother-in-law breathing - ever so kindly and graciously, of course! - down her neck. _Or something_. But the idea that Haruno Sakura, the undisputed heiress to Senju Tsunade's legendary taste for liquor, was actually _declining_ free pours of what was pretty much guaranteed to be top-shelf booze, was positively unfathomable.

Shooting Ino a full-on glare that promised an ass-whooping of epic proportions if she stepped one more toe out of line, Sakura nodded forcefully. "That's _right_. I'm doing a pre-wedding _cleanse_." Green eyes shifted quickly towards a rather interested-seeming Mikoto, instantly losing their combative edge. "It was something my physician recommended at my last check-up. To give my system a bit of a break post-Hyuuga-Uzumaki wedding, you know!"

 _The little liar._ Even if one ignored the telltale blush, Tsunade-sama would _never_ be so hypocritical. Besides, Sakura, being a twenty-five-year-old medic-nin, obviously knew how to manipulate her own chakra to metabolize away excess alcohol. It was one of the medical ninja's most deeply guarded trade secrets, after all!

That being said, Ino valued her life too much to question the pink-haired kunoichi further. And so, with a toss of her ponytail and a mental note for later, she let the matter slide, bidding Akimichi Aina a good afternoon as she followed her companions out of the shop.

* * *

Just like her choice of caterer and florist, the kimono shop that Uchiha Mikoto had selected for her soon to be daughter-in-law was the best Konoha had to offer. Situated right on the Commercial District's main drag, it boasted an impressive amount of storefront acreage whose elaborate display changed monthly. The current scene featured a dark-haired mannequin - more likely than not modeled off of a certain, recently married Hyuuga heiress - clad in an elaborate pink and white bridal kimono and positioned next to a bubbling stone fountain. Behind her stood a massive arbor of pink and white sakura blossoms that Ino knew from personal experience had taken an entire day to set up. Her mother might have grumbled about the amount of labor it had demanded, but the whole effect was decidedly impressive, and the covetous looks of more than a few passersby made clear that their efforts had not gone to waste.

As Ino, Sakura, and Mikoto stepped through the forest-green door and into the light and airy reception area, a little bell tinkled in the distance, quickly summoning the white-haired shop owner. Yamaguchi Otoha was clad in an immaculate violet kimono decorated with dancing cranes that was as much a work of art as a garment. She had to be well into her seventies and stood no taller than Ino's shoulders, but her perfect posture and shrewd black eyes were bright and lively, leaving Ino with the distinct sense that she was a woman who missed very little.

Bowing formally to her guests, Yamaguchi-san's thin lips tilted upwards into a smile that was the epitome of politeness and good breeding. _Kaa-san_ had _once said that she had worked as a lady's maid for the Daimyo's mother in her youth_. "Uchiha-san. Welcome to my workshop. My staff and I look forward to working with you and Haruno-san. Before we get started, may I offer you anything to drink? Water? Tea?"

Mikoto returned the bow in kind. "Ah, _arigato_ , Yamaguchi-san. I certainly wouldn't say no to some tea after the feast Akimichi-san whipped up for us. What say you, Ino-chan, Sakura-chan?"

"Hm… yes, tea would be lovely," Sakura replied on cue. "I'd take ginger or mint, if you have it."

Yamaguchi-san's lips tightened slightly as she met the young woman's gaze. "We have chamomile. I presume that that will suffice?"

The pink-haired kunoichi nodded, and their hostess signaled to a dark-haired girl seated behind the front desk. "Have a pot and three mugs sent to the fitting area," she instructed, the assistant immediately scampering off to do her bidding. Then, turning her attention back to her clients, Yamaguchi-san turned on her heel, the silk of her robe rustling luxuriously. "This way, please."

Passing by the reception desk, the older woman led them down a short hallway and into a large, sunlight room, positively bursting with racks upon racks of eye-popping kimonos in seemingly every shade of the rainbow. Meticulously organized according to color, style, and size, it was the stuff of fantasies for a confirmed shopaholic, and Ino found her shinobi sandals dragging against the oak floorboards as she struggled to take in everything, quickly falling behind the trio in front of her. _Oh, Kami. She would be an absolute_ vision _in that violet number…_

Much too swiftly, they continued onward, out of the showroom and into a sitting area featuring several pale-grey poofs; a glass-topped coffee table whose base appeared to be crafted from old vines; a full-length mirror with a silver frame; and, at the far end, a burgundy, velvet curtain that stretched from the cream carpeting to the vaulted ceiling. At their hostess's invitation, they were seated, and the tea arrived scarcely a minute later. With impeccable poise, Yamaguchi-san poured, and they settled down to business.

As had been the case during their chat at the flower shop, when it came to the wedding kimono, the operative word was "traditional." To Ino's great surprise, it was Sakura herself who was most strongly pushing that vision, politely yet forcefully declining Mikoto's observation that they could certainly go with a more fitted, modern style if desired and Yamaguchi-san's on-point comment about the pure-white, form-obscuring kimono of her youth being a bit of a dated look. While her best friend was never quite as _adventurous_ with her wardrobe as Ino herself, her sudden desire to granny herself up was a bit of a head scratcher. _Who knew that the girl was such a conservative a heart!_

After hashing out the bride-to-be's preferences, Yamaguchi-san ushered her towards the dressing room, tape measure in hand. _Was it just her, or did Sakura look surprisingly_ nervous _about what was to come?_ Grinning widely, Ino proffered a teasing little wave as she disappeared behind the curtain. "Have fun, Girl! Mikoto-san and I can't _wait_ to see how gorgeous you're gonna look!"

They sat silently for a few minutes as Yamaguchi-san's authoritative voice talked Sakura through at _least_ ten or fifteen measurements, reminding her now and then to "stand up straight, please" and "make sure you're holding yourself naturally and _comfortably_." Then, the velvet rustled and the older woman reappeared on the sitting area side, clipboard in hand. "I'm going to go select a few options for us to start with. Uchiha-san, Yamanaka-san, perhaps you'd like to join me?"

Mikoto rose to her feet with a delighted "of course!" Ino, too, was exceedingly tempted by the prospect of losing herself in rows upon rows of the finest bridal couture Konoha had to offer. That being said, a certain, nagging curiosity kept her rooted on her poof. _After all, with Mikoto-san out of the way, she might actually be able to get some insight into whatever bit of weirdness was going on with good old Forehead._

And so, the blonde smiled sweetly at the pair of women standing in the doorway. "That's all right, Yamaguchi-san. You and Mikoto-san go on ahead. I'll stay here with Sakura and see how she's faring." Then, bouncing to her feet, Ino made a beeline for the burgundy curtain. "All right, Sak! We've got at least a few minutes before the adults get back. Let's make this snappy!"

The woman in question was standing before a full-length mirror in the center of the dressing room, clad in a simple black bra and panty set. At Ino's entrance, she let out a little shriek of dismay, her pale arms winding themselves around her torso. "Eek! Ino! Get out! I'm practically _naked,_ for Kami's sake!"

Ino's left eyebrow shot skyward. Even if she lived to be a hundred, she would _never_ understand how a kunoichi and medic-nin of Sakura's stature could be so goddamn prudish about her own nudity. "Oh don't be such a baby. We've gone over this at least a _thousand_ times before. What're a couple of boobs and a butt between besties?" She paused, scanning Sakura's mostly bare form. "Besides, it's not like you've got _anything_ to worry about. Sex with Sasuke-kun certainly seems to agree with you, at any rate!"

Sakura blushed rather adorably. " _Ino!_ I don't know _why_ you always have to be so coarse!"

Cackling with glee, Ino took mercy on the pink-haired kunoichi and tossed her her tunic. While her tone had been teasing, the words behind them were no lie… Sakura was positively glowing. Her hair was lush, her skin was fresh and dewy, and her cute little curves were shapely as ever. Indeed, even those perky little B-cups she tended to bitch about during girl-time at the _onsen_ were looking nice and full today, the balconette cut of her bra seemingly doing wonders. _Apparently, someone had_ finally _seen the light when it came to quality undergarments._

But there was no time for distraction. Ino had a Haruno to try and crack, with limited time to operate. And so, as Sakura's somewhat ruffled pink hair reemerged from beneath her top, Ino fixed her reflection with a patented Yamanaka stare. "Now, enough stalling. _Spill_. What's gotten into you?"

Turning away from her reflection to face Ino directly, Sakura's green eyes flickered with familiar obstinance. "What do you mean, 'spill'? Everything's fine! Just, you know, busy with wedding planning and stuff."

Ino snorted, crossing her arms across her chest. _So, someone felt like being difficult._ Well, two could certainly play _that_ game. "Right. Sure. Everything's fine. Normal. Business as usual. You're just marrying a guy you started dating not even two months ago in _a month_."

"If you think about it, it's not _that_ weird, Pig," Sakura responded, nonchalantly smoothing her tunic down over the tops of her thighs. "I mean, it's not like Sasuke-kun and I just met. We're… making up for lost time, so to speak."

Ino pursed her lips, suppressing the dirty joke dancing on the tip of her tongue. " _I'd_ say. Couldn't stand to be the last unwedded kunoichi among the Konoha Twelve, eh? Fine then, Sak, enlighten me. If that's the total and complete truth, what's with the sudden rash of dietary restrictions you displayed this morning at Akimichi-san's? I mean, skipping out on sushi? _Turning down_ free booze? That's _so_ not the Forehead I know and love."

This time, Sakura looked a little less comfortable with Ino's line of questioning. Green eyes suddenly drifting towards the floor, she shrugged her slender shoulders. "Oh, you know... just trying to be a little more conscious about what I put into my body these days. Given that I'm officially in my mid-twenties now, it seems like the right move."

"Hmph, fair enough," Ino conceded, the distinct sense that she was missing something remaining heavy on her mind. "The average champagne cocktail is full of empty calories, after all. Still, wanting to look good walking down the aisle _certainly_ doesn't explain your sudden obsession with wedding couture that was all the rage in the days of the first Hokage. I mean, do you know how _triangular_ those old white bridal kimonos will make you look?"

The pink-haired kunoichi's cheeks turned a rather interesting shade of pink, a surefire sign of nervousness. "Ah, yes. Well... I've always liked slightly more classical looks than you, Pig. And... you know the Uchiha. How _traditional_ they are."

 _Aha!_ Despite her seemingly sterling rapport with Uchiha Mikoto, all the expectations surrounding marrying into the main family _were_ getting to the girl. Given Sakura's lack of experience with clan matters and how besotted she'd always been with Sasuke, it wasn't exactly surprising.

Ino cleared her throat, pep talk at the ready. "Look, Forehead. I know the Uchiha are, well, the _Uchiha_. And that you probably feel pressures coming at you from all directions to be the perfect little clan wife, even if Mikoto-san is seemingly sweet as can be and you're head-over-heels in love with Sasuke. But do try not to lose sight of yourself in all this wedding madness. You're getting _married_ , not wholly consumed body and soul, Snake Sannin style. You're still allowed to live it up a little, you know! Even _after_ the wedding. And _I_ , for one, intend to hold you to that."

Sakura swallowed hard. "Thanks, Ino. I really appreciate the um... support."

Ino frowned, not really convinced from the lackluster reaction that her point had hit its mark. _Perhaps, it was time for a change in tactics._ "Anytime, Forehead. Now, on that note... we've got some truly _serious_ business to discuss. I know you just said you were trying to do the whole clean eating thing, but no best friend of mine is getting married without a bachelorette of absolutely epic proportions!"

To the blonde's immense surprise, a spasm of what appeared to be utter and complete _panic_ danced across Sakura's face. "Oh, _no_. That's quite all right, Ino! I mean, well, I'd really prefer it if you _didn't_ ," she sputtered, words tumbling their way out of her quivering pink lips in a discombobulated rush. "Not that I don't appreciate the gesture,of course. It's just that I... I just don't need anything too crazy. Maybe, we could do a quiet girls' night in instead? With Tenten and Hinata? Sappy movies? Hours of gossip? Too much ice cream?"

 _Ice cream and chick flicks? Seriously? Were they_ twelve _again?_ It was almost sad how fully the Uchiha had apparently sucked the fun out of her. _Damn you, Sasuke._

"Ugh. Don't be so _boring_ , Sak," the Yamanaka kunoichi scoffed. "What Sasuke-kun and the Uchiha fogies don't know won't hurt them."

"But... Ino!"

Tempting as it was, that plaintive tone could not be ignored. After all, this was _Sakura's_ party, and if she didn't want strippers, it wasn't particularly politick to force them down her throat. _Time for a little rethink._ "Hm… how about this, then? I'll meet you halfway. If you'll allow me to throw in a fancy-ass dinner, an hour or two at the Kunai, and some Baileys or Kahlua on top of my sundae, you _might_ just have a deal."

Sakura's frown deepened, brow wrinkling in thought. "I _guess_ that all should be fine. Fun, I mean. Of course. It sounds like -"

A sudden knock on the wall right outside the curtain cut the pink-haired kunoichi off mid-sentence. "Haruno-san? Yamanaka-san? Ready in there?"

The kind-of cool, moderately calm, pseudo-composed mask that Sakura had been wearing all morning slipped immediately back into place. "Oh! Yes, thank you, Yamaguchi-san. Ino-chan and I were just discussing... some, um, minor details regarding the reception. The flowers. Because she'll be working on them, you know." _Real smooth, Forehead._ "Please, come in."

The older woman entered, almost entirely hidden behind an armful of billowing white fabric, and Ino took her leave with a supportive grin in Sakura's direction. As she settled back onto her seat next to Mikoto, the Uchiha matriarch gave her a friendly nod. "Did you and Sakura-chan have a good conversation?"

To the casual listener, the query would have seemed entirely innocent and benign. But Ino, well-versed in doublespeak thanks to her T&I work, knew immediately that there was something _more_ behind it. As far as she could tell, the Uchiha matriarch was just as out of the loop as Ino herself had been when it came to Sakura's strange behavior. But she was no fool, and Sakura's acting skills could definitely use some work. _It seemed that a certain Uchiha matriarch was in the mood for some information gathering..._

Fortunately for her friend, Ino had long ago mastered the art of bullshitting. Immediately coming up with the perfect, half-true alibi, she gave her companion a roguish grin. "Oh yes, Mikoto-san! We were just discussing the details for Sakura's bachelorette festivities. As the Maid-of-Honor, I have certain responsibilities to fulfill. Not that you'd be, uh, _interested_ in any of that, of course!"

The Uchiha matriarch's smile widened, a certain twinkle dancing in her dark eyes. "Ah. Well, I don't know about _that_ , Ino-chan. I'm afraid that neither of my sons have ever been the most _open_ about their social lives. And it's always so interesting to hear what your generation is up to. Besides, it might be hard to believe at my age, but I was a bachelorette once too, you know."

 _Well then. Uchiha Mikoto was apparently a little less sweet than she let on. And every bit as nosy as Shisui claimed her to be._

Very fortunately, Ino was saved right then from having to dig any deeper into her well of lies by the emergence of an exceedingly pink-cheeked Sakura from behind the curtain, clad in a multilayered confection of a kimono. Pure white and expertly tied with a red _obi_ , it was a simple, classic look, yet the splash of color around the kunoichi's slender waist and the fact that the outermost layer of silk was actually embroidered with a complex pattern of white flowers and branches gave it a luxurious, timeless feel.

Ino had to give the bride-to-be some credit. _She_ herself might have gone for a bit of a bolder look, but Sakura wasn't wrong about "traditional' being right in her stylistic wheelhouse.

The Uchiha matriarch was on her feet at once, all thoughts of bachelorette debauchery past and present seemingly driven from her mind. "Oh, Sakura-chan, you look just wonderful!" she breathed, hands clasping together in pleasure. "Yamaguchi-san, you were _so_ right about this one. It's perfect!"

"Yes, isn't it?" the shopkeeper asked with that familiar, "purchase-achieved" smile that Ino recognized from her own hours in her mother's flowershop. "It was made by an artisan out in Tea Country: Tanaka Fu. He's been working in the industry for longer than _I've_ been a part of it. A true master of his craft. You're more than welcome to try more options, Haruno-san - I can pull as many kimonos off the showroom racks as you care to see - but I know my inventory. If this is your preferred style, you truly won't find better."

Ino smirked at that, unable to resist a little snark, even in the face of mixed company. "First time's always a charm for you. Eh, Forehead dear?"

As expected, Sakura retaliated with a threatening glare. But it seemed that not even a suggestive joke in front of her future mother-in-law could keep her pissed for long in a kimono like that. As she stared back at her reflection in the dressing room mirror, her green eyes sparkled happily. "You know… I _was_ originally planning on an all white look. But, well, I think this might just be it!"


	4. Naruto's Bachelor Extravaganza

_[AN: Oh man, it_ has _been awhile, hasn't it now! I do apologize for running off for so long. I'd absolutely love to give you some crazy Kakashi-like story about falling down a rabbit hole, banging my head, and then waking up nine months later to realize that it was somehow 2020. The truth, however, is far less interesting: I only have so much time in my day, and writing fan fiction, much as I enjoy it, is just one, small part of my life. That being said, I am very excited to be back with the next chapter of this silly little story and hope to be able to get back to writing and posting on here more regularly._

 _Now, about this chapter specifically. First off, hopefully, it's up to snuff and worth the wait! This is actually my first time writing from Naruto's perspective, and it was a bit touch and go (if Sasuke and Naruto was a sliding personality scale, I'm way on the Sasuke end of the spectrum, which I suspect might be why). The usual caveats apply. (1) This story is rated M, and given that it's bachelor party time, that warning totally applies to this chapter. (2) I do not own Naruto. (3) I take no credit whatsoever for inventing the concept of the Naruto-verse characters sitting down and playing a rousing game of Never Have I Ever. While I can't recall any specific stories where I've read this before, I'm sure it's been done, so kudos to whoever else thought of doing it before me! (4) I'd like to thank everyone for all the follows, favorites, and comments on both this story and Good Vibrations (as well as the shout outs on other platforms like Tumblr... that was so crazy to see!). It's been seriously flattering to know how many people have been entertained by my writing!]_

It was good to be back in Konoha, _dattebayo!_

Sure, the honeymoon had been pretty great. Really, when would getting away from it all for almost a month with one's brand new wife _not_ be? And, while he and Hinata had obviously been there for somewhat different pursuits than good old _Ero-Sennin_ , Jiraya _-ojiisan_ hadn't lied. The Land of Hot Water had been positively breathtaking. Ten out of ten, would do again.

But still. Fan-freaking-tastic waterfalls and cushy resorts paid for by Hyuuga clan wealth aside, Konoha was home, and there was nothing else like it. Particularly Konoha in mid-May. The wisteria all in bloom, the excitement of the upcoming Academy graduation in the air, the absolutely _perfect_ weather. Not too hot, not too cold… exactly the right temperature for barreling across rooftops at breakneck speed in an orange-and-black tracksuit. And, of course, May also heralded the return of the Konoha commercial district's Saturday night summer markets, where one could buy the sweetest dango from dear Yua- _obachan_ , the most delectable _yakitori_ from Eiichi- _ojisan_ , and the best-ever _takoyaki_ from that cranky old fart with the wooden leg and eye patch whose name he could never quite remember. _Akihiko? Akihiro? Akihisa? Akihito? It was something like that._

At any rate, the next few months of the year promised to be _particularly_ interesting for Konoha's #1 Most Unpredictable Ninja. Not only were he and Hinata newlyweds with a fancy new three-bedroom condo to gussy up (or, in his case, outfit with enough instant ramen to survive a multi-week flood), but there was plenty of excitement on the horizon for the rest of the Rookie 12 too. Choji was due to be assigned his inaugural batch of cute little genin any day now (may _tousan_ have mercy upon him). Kiba was finally, _finally_ going make _jounin_ (if he didn't lose his temper and threaten to set Akamaru loose on another difficult client). Ino and Shika had their wedding coming up in September, while Neji's and Tenten's long-awaited bash would follow a couple of months later. And, best of all (at least in his _totally_ unbiased opinion), there was the developing Sasuke-Sakura romance to keep tabs on. (Or the "SasuSaku affair" as he'd been calling it for short. Just in his head and to Kurama, of course!)

As the perpetual third wheel on Team 7 (an honor he shared with a perpetually over-it Kaka-sensei), Naruto had been watching those two supposedly brilliant idiots dance around one another for way over a decade. As such, there had been nothing sweeter than witnessing the quiet hand-holding, furtive cuddling, and heated one-on-one Training Ground spars that had characterized the first few weeks of their official coming together back in April. The _teme_ was actually doing it! _Finally_ committing to a relationship with the kunoichi who had had his heart since the tender age of thirteen (not that Sasuke would _ever_ fess up to that). Meanwhile, Sakura-chan was getting everything that that lovesick little genin girl who had long-ago giggled about what (more like who) she loved most on the Academy rooftop had craved. All jokes aside for just a minute, it was pretty effing adorable, and he was definitely looking forward to an update.

Which was why, upon crossing through those great green gates he so adored, Naruto had one overwhelming goal in mind (after dropping by the Hokage Tower to say "hiya!" to his _tousan_ , of course, and getting a rather exhausted-seeming Hinata-chan safely settled at home). It was time for a Team 7 reunion lunch. Ichiraku's or bust!

* * *

With a little bit of arm twisting (because the _teme_ could _never_ give in to anything without a fight) and some well-deployed puppy dog eyes (Sakura-chan was _such_ a sucker for them), Naruto managed to corral the happy couple into the little ramen stand that was his second home slightly after noon the next day. Very unfortunately, he was flying solo. For, while he told Hinata-chan that she was "perfectly welcome. Sakura-chan's always bitching about there being too much male testosterone anyway!," his new bride had politely declined to join in, noting with a sigh that the cooking fumes might make whatever stomach bug she'd apparently picked up in Hot Water country worse.

 _It was probably that gross-looking veggie plate she'd ordered the last night they were at the resort that did it. "Healthy" food was always_ way _more trouble than it was worth._

They sat at the counter, Naruto on the right, Sakura-chan in the middle, and Sasuke to her left. After brief but ecstatic greetings from old man Teuchi and the lovely Ayame, they put in their orders - miso chashu pork for he and _teme_ and a rather bland-sounding chicken shio for the pink-haired medic nin - and got down to business. Well, more specifically, Sakura got down to business, immediately leaping into the fray with question after question about his honeymoon.

"So, Naruto-kun, tell us about Hot Water Country! Was it every bit as magical as you and Hinata-chan had hoped? What was the resort like? The food? The drink? My parents visited Hot Water once, for some sort of business thing. They said the waterfalls were absolutely magnificent. Did you do very much tourist stuff, or did you mostly take it easy? Did you hike? Did you swim? Was the water warm? Did you try snorkeling? I've never been but have heard that it's really fun."

Sweet Kami, he had forgotten how chatty Sakura-chan could be. People always said that _he_ talked too much, but she was certainly in fine form today. It was hard to get a word in edgewise!

As Sakura finally paused for a breath, Naruto did his best to answer a few of her questions. "The resort was really nice. Really pretty. We mostly took it easy… decompressing after the big day, ya know? Anyway, maybe we can talk about all that more when Hinata-chan can join us? She hasn't been feeling so good the last couple of days, so she's home resting, and I'm sure she'd love to give you her perspective. So… how have things been here in Konoha? Anything... _interesting_ happen for you two while we were away?"

In truth, Naruto was _really_ asking about his teammates' relationship, but some discretion was probably warranted. Quite annoyingly, Sasuke tended to be a bit private about such matters, whereas Sakura's total and complete domination of the conversation thus far seemed almost like an attempt to keep talk off of them. Which was kind of weird, now that he thought about it. _Hopefully, they weren't fighting. Or hadn't broken up… that would be_ really _unfortunate._

Sasuke shrugged noncommittally in typical Uchiha form, while Sakura kind of hummed a strange little nonanswer. With that, they fell into a silence that could only be described as "tense," Naruto observing his companions as closely as he dared.

 _Hm… was he just imagining it, or were Sasuke and Sakura exchanging some sort of look? Oh yeah, there was totally some_ major _nonverbal communication going on. Now, w_ _as that sort of squinty-eye thing a good look from Sasuke or a bad one? The bastard was always_ such _a pain in the ass to read._ _Oh dear, there went Sakura-chan biting her lip. That meant she was stressed. Must be bad then. Huh._

"Not… really," the kunoichi finally replied well over a minute later, green eyes darting downward to the worn counter. "It's been pretty much business as usual. I've got the hospital to keep me occupied as always, and Sasuke-kun has all of his Acting Clan Head responsibilities now, so we've certainly stayed busy! But enough about us. I'm really sorry to hear that Hinata-chan's unwell. Did it just come on recently, or did she start feeling sick while you were away? What sort of symptoms has she been experiencing? If it's been more than a few days, I'd be happy to stop by your place after lunch and see if there's anything I can -"

Sakura's awkward monologuing was cut off by the glorious arrival of three steaming bowls of ramen, carried over by a beaming Ayame. "Here we are, Naruto-kun, Sakura-san, Uchiha-san! Naruto-kun, we added a few extra slices of meat on top for you, just the way you like it!"

The lunch looked and smelled absolutely delicious. The perfectly tender pieces of pork, nestled lovingly into a thick, savory broth. The immaculately sliced scallions and bamboo shoots. Those two glorious egg halves, the yolks still slightly runny. It was art in its purest and highest form… the stuff legends were made of. Truly, after almost a month's absence, nothing could ever distract Uzumaki Naruto from his first bowl of Ichiraku's miso chashu pork ramen…

Except the sudden, jaw-dropping discovery that his two best friends had gone and gotten _engaged_ while he'd been off on his honeymoon and had somehow neglected to inform him.

It was Ayame who clued him in. As she handed the bowl of chicken ramen to Sakura, her dark eyes widened slightly and her smile broadened. "Oh, that's right! I almost forgot to congratulate you, Sakura-chan! You too Uchiha-san! If I may say, the two of you make an absolutely beautiful couple! And that ring is absolutely to die for!"

At that, the medic-nin's cheeks turned violently pink, and her green eyes darted momentarily in Naruto's direction in a distinctly panicky fashion before returning to the woman standing before her. "Oh! Th-th-thank you, Ayame-san! Yes, it's certainly a very… exciting time for us!"

 _Congratulations. A beautiful couple. An exciting time. A_ ring _. Perched right there for all to see on Sakura-chan's_ wedding ring finger. _What was all THIS now?_

Spoon inches from his mouth, Naruto turned left to stare down his teammates. "Is there, uh, something you guys wanted to tell me?"

Somehow, the kuniochi's flush deepened so that her face was actually darker in color than her hair. Even the usually unflappable _teme_ looked somewhat caught off guard, dark brows quirked somewhat comically upwards and broad shoulders tense. _Busted._

Sasuke recovered first. With a small sigh, he broke apart his chopsticks and turned his gaze to his steaming bowl of soup, as if he were giving a routine account of the weather. "We're engaged, _dobe_. The wedding's in June. We didn't tell you earlier because we didn't want you to make _a big deal_ out of it _in public_. Any questions?"

 _Engaged. A June wedding. June. That was like_ next month. _And they didn't tell him upfront because he made a big deal out of things. What complete and utter bull._

Naruto dropped his chopsticks onto the counter with a surprisingly loud clatter that had everyone else in the little stand staring their way. "Um… YEAH! How did all this HAPPEN?"

The bastard actually had the audacity to _roll his eyes_. _Outrageous._

"I proposed. Sakura said yes," Sasuke replied shortly, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Which Naruto supposed it kind of _was_ , at least when put like that. But that wasn't _really_ what he'd been asking. He wanted details, dammit! Some insight into what exactly went down and when! As their long-standing teammate, the guy who had to put up for their mutual pining for years and years, he definitely deserved that!

 _On the other hand_ , a rather Hinata-chan-like voice reasoned, _maybe, just maybe, he was being a little_ harsh _._ After all, wedding planning was stressful business, and dealing with crusty old Elders no cakewalk. Thanks to his own recent marriage into the Hyuuga clan, he knew _way_ too much about that. And doing it all in just a couple of months? Yikes. He definitely didn't envy _either_ of them.

And so, putting a lid on his own righteous anger (he could always whoop _teme's_ ass later in a one-on-one match-up on Training Ground 3), Naruto forced his scowl to metamorphosize into a much more comfortable grin. "That's great, guys. I'm super excited for you, _dattebayo!_ And _teme_ , I know Itachi's probably got the whole best man thing all wrapped up, being your _nii-san_ and all, but I am _totally_ in charge of your bachelor party. No ifs, ands, or buts."

He paused, grin sliding into a smirk that was totally the result of Kurama's influence as a truly fabulous joke reared its glorious head. "Well, actually... there will _definitely_ be butts, if you know what I mean _._ "

 _Ha. There'd be butts because there were going to be strippers. He was so funny._

 _Or not._

Sakara-chan had apparently recovered from the shock of having her engagement revealed to her best friend by their waitress. Based on the _vicious_ smack on the arm he had so unjustly received, she was apparently none too happy about said friend's suggestion. "NARUTO! If you even _think_ about arranging what I think you're thinking about arranging, there will be HELL to pay."

 _Touchy._ "Aw, Sakura-chan, it would all be in good fun. Definitely nothing to actually worry about. You can trust the _teme_ and me to keep our hands to ourselves, _dattebayo!_ I mean, maybe not so much Kiba, but he's already pretty much a lost cause at this point, as I'm sure you well know."

There. That was _perfectly_ clear and reasonable of him. Much to his surprise, however, Sakura looked less than convinced. _Well, s_ _he had always been a bit protective of "her boys." Maybe that's what this was about?_

To her left, Sasuke shrugged. "Better drop it, _dobe_. Or else I'll tell Hinata what went down the night before _your_ wedding."

 _What a dirty play_. But the _teme_ had a point. He _definitely_ didn't want his lovely wife finding out that he got blackout drunk and attempted to break in to the very shop in which they were presently sitting to apologize to his "first love, ramen for forsaking her for that no-good Hyuuga heiress" less than twenty-four hours before they walked down the aisle.

(Okay. It was kind of funny. Depending on her mood, Hinata-chan might even think so too. But talk about _embarrassing.)_

And so, with a shrug and a chuckle, Naruto turned his attention back to his meal, ignoring Sakura's curious stare. "Eh, that's okay, _teme_. No need to resort to threats. I'm certainly not going to force strippers on you if you don't want 'em. Say… maybe we could hit up the mixed baths instead. Jiraiya- _ojiisan_ 's always raving about them, and I've heard the ladies love ex-ANBU Acting Clan Heads."

"NARUTO!"

"Kidding, Sakura-chan! Kidding!"

 _Wedding planning stress or not,_ someone _needed to work on her sense of humor._

* * *

While Naruto had originally been leaning towards a night-before-the-big-day bash, given the complexity of everyone's (ie, Itachi's) assorted schedules, they eventually settled on throwing Sasuke's little shindig the following weekend, three weeks before the wedding. Which maybe wasn't such a bad idea. After all, he had been hella hungover the morning of his own wedding, and that had kind of sucked. _And the_ teme _didn't even have Kurama there to help metabolize away some of the liquor._

In deference to Sakura-chan's continued insistence that she would seriously hurt anyone who dared throw a bachelor party for her darling fiancee that included scantily clad and/or totally naked women, they had ended up settling on the Twisted Kunai as their venue of choice. Sure, the shinobi bar wasn't exactly _fancy_ , but it was a safe, comfortable, familiar space. A place where a grouch like Sasuke might actually find it in himself to kick back a bit and have a good time. And, even if they couldn't have strippers, there was still the promise of copious quantities of liquor. Which was really _most_ of the point of bachelor parties, _dattebayo._ Well, that and toasting the bachelor.

Naruto and Sasuke arrived at the bar slightly after 9:30 that night, after a bit of light pregaming. As was typical for a Saturday night in Konoha, the crowd was pretty lively. Fortunately, at the recommendation of the totally brilliant Hinata-chan, Naruto had called ahead and reserved a nice VIP table towards the back where everyone could gather, so they could hold court in true style.

Taking a sip of his beer (a nice, refreshing amber lager… gotta pace himself!), Naruto surveyed the current crew with a smile of satisfaction. All the major players were there: Shino, Kiba, Shikamaru, Choji, Lee (clutching a glass that he swore "on the Springtime of Youth" was orange juice), Neji, Itachi, and Shisui (the utter _bastard_ had some nerve showing his smug face after all he had put Sakura-chan and Sasuke through!). They were joined by a trio of randos whom Naruto suspected Sasuke knew from his ANBU days and a quartet of Uchiha cousins whose names he forgot immediately upon learning them. (Which was no big deal. According to Sasuke, they were all pretty much interchangeable idiots anyway.) Missing in action was Kakashi, but that wasn't exactly _surprising_. Knowing the Copy Ninja, he'd probably saunter in close to midnight, give some lame-o excuse about cats and/or cacti, wish his ex-student many happy returns (if Sasuke was still vertical at that hour), and then head out five or ten minutes later with some vague bit of bullshit about old men needing their beauty rests.

For a time, Naruto contented himself with letting the assorted conversations drift. Kiba was telling the rest of the male Rookie 12 crew some ridiculous, very probably made-up story about this super-hot Kumo kunoichi with whom he had totally done the nasty back behind a waterfall on a recent mission. The maybe-ANBU dudes were sipping some sort of brown liquor and discussing upcoming vacation plans. The miscellaneous Uhiha cousins sat, glared, and were their sourpuss selves. Finally, Shisui and Itachi had ordered a couple of really fruity looking cocktails ( _were those mango margaritas? Who besides Sakura even_ drank _those?_ ) and were whispering about something or other in an undertone. It was probably classified given how Itachi literally _never_ stopped working.

As for the bachelor, he seemed to be more-or-less enjoying himself. Since their lunch at Ichiraku's last weekend, Sasuke had been quietly grumbling off and on about why he even _needed_ a bachelor party anyway. That being said, when push came to shove, he had followed Naruto along to the bar willingly enough and seemed appropriately touched that so many people had come out to wish him well. Indeed, if the Uzumaki didn't know better, he would have been tempted to call the smirk that had come over his face at some snarky comment Shika had made a couple of minutes ago a _smile_.

Around eleven, the lights in the bar lowered, the music rose a few decibels, and the dance floor at the far end of the room opened for business. Ever on the prowl, Kiba was on his feet in a flash, but Naruto was ready for him. Leaning across the table, he called out to the Inuzuka nin in his most authoritative "I'll be the Hokage one day!" tenor. "Oy, Kiba, you rogue. Sit your ass back down and pay attention. It's time for another edition of Never Have I Ever, and you're definitely not gonna want to miss it, _dattebayo_!"

Never Have I Ever. It was an exceedingly stupid game that had led to more awkwardness, embarrassment, and infighting amongst their friend group than Naruto cared to remember. It was also endlessly entertaining, a major bit of fuel for the Konoha rumor mill (how else would the world know that the legendary Uchiha Itachi exclusively wore boxers?), and a time-honored Rookie 12 tradition. Which made it a necessity for tonight's bachelor party extravaganza. _Obviously_.

Kiba settled back into his chair with a lopsided grin, a couple of waiters brought out trays laden with enough pours of sake to make even Kurama nervous, and Naruto rose to his feet, fully ready to take on his master-of-ceremonies role. While the Rookie 12 were old hands at the game and Itachi and Shisui had joined in a few times before, the ANBU-looking trio and assorted Uchiha cousins were unknown entities, so it would only be fair to make sure that the playing field was even.

"So, yeah, the name of the game is Never Have I Ever," Naruto began, surveying the table. "The way this works is we each go around in a circle one by one and say things we haven't ever done. It always starts with the phrase 'Never have I ever.' So, for example, if I was going first, I would say something like 'Never have I ever kissed _teme_ over here.' Then, anyone who _had_ kissed Sasuke would have to take a drink, and we'd move on to the next person, who would say something he hadn't ever done. The same thing would happened, and we'd move on to the next person. And so on. No explanation of what went down is necessary, but it's welcome if someone feels like sharing. Nothing classified - we don't want anyone getting in any _actual_ trouble - and no lying… it kind of defeats the point of the game. So, _yes_ , Choji, I heard you giggling earlier. That particular statement about never having kissed Sasuke _wouldn't_ be allowed 'cause it's obviously not true. Anyway, I think that's about it. Does that all make sense?"

One of the Uchiha cousins was making a kind of fishy-looking face, but the rest of the table was nodding sagely. Ah, well, the slowpoke would catch on soon enough.

From the other side of Sasuke, Shikamaru cleared his throat. "If you drink, leave your empty cup in front of you. First to ten empty cups loses. Or wins, I suppose, depending on your philosophy."

"Right, great idea. Thanks, Shika." _Man, ten cups seemed like a lot. Well, they were on the small side. And it_ was _a bachelor party._ "Okay, well, _teme_ , as the man of the hour, why don't you get us started?"

"Hn." Sasuke nodded shortly, glancing around the table in a decidedly calculating fashion. Then, locking eyes with Naruto, he smirked knowingly. "Let's go with… never have I ever kissed a _Hyuuga_."

 _A low blow._ Well, that was probably what he deserved for cluing Sasuke's cousins, brother, and probable ANBU colleagues in to their old Academy lip lock.

Picking up the nearest cup, Naruto downed the liquid in one harsh swallow, and then glanced around the table to see who else had fallen victim. Neji and two of the three potential ANBU guys were relatively expected results. The Hyuuga were major promoters of inter-clan relationships, after all, while ANBU had an impressive number of Byakugan wielders amongst its ranks and was known to be highly incestuous organization.

For a moment, Naruto's stomach flip-flopped uncomfortably at the sight of Kiba's empty cup, but then he reminded himself that Hinata had tons of cousins and considered the Inuzuka a brother, so everything was all good again.

Meanwhile, somewhere to his right, one of the Uchiha cousins let out a surprisingly undignified guffaw. "Really, Shisui? You've kissed a _Hyuuga?_ Wait until Fugaku-sama finds out about _that_."

"Ah. Trying to knock me down a peg, Ebisu? Nice try, but he already knows," came the surprisingly good-natured retort. "Truth be told, it was _way_ more than kissing, _and_ he walked in on us midway through. I thought I was a goner, but _ojisan_ just shut the door with an off-color comment about the viability of a Sharingan-Byakugan hybrid dojutsu and left us to it. And here we all thought he had no sense of humor!"

The Uchiha at the table snorted as one, while Neji scowled. Eager to avoid any fighting between two of Konoha's touchiest clans, Naruto turned his attention to Shikamaru, seated to Sasuke's immediate left. "All right. You're up Shika."

The Nara nodded, eyes narrowing as he considered his options. Unsurprisingly, when it came to Never Have I Ever, Shikamaru was a positively devastating adversary with a capacity to bring to light some of Konoha's most deeply guarded secrets. Why, it was thanks to Shika that they knew that Tenten's first kiss had been Hinata ("we were just _practicing_ , guys!"), that Choji often went commando ("it's just more comfortable that way"), and that Shino had gotten to first base with a Suna nin _during_ the Chunin exams. How he had managed _that_ while the eyes of literally hundreds of proctors and judges and _senseis_ were keeping near constant tabs on their performance (not to mention the Hokage himself) was still pretty murky. But it had happened. For Never Have I Ever never lied.

Shikamaru stretched, yawned, and fired. "Never have I ever had a threesome."

The gloves had come off early tonight, and the results were pretty devastating. Kiba, all three of the maybe-ANBU, one of the four Uchiha cousins, Shisui, and Sasuke all drank, joined, in a stunning development, by none other than the Uchiha _Itachi._ At the sight, the table fell into a stunned silence, multiple pairs of eyes turning in his direction. But, of course, true to his clan's reputation, he said absolutely nothing, smiling blandly and then politely nodding in Kiba's direction to proceed with the next round.

"Never have I ever made _jounin_ ," the Inuzuka rattled off, a rather sour expression on his face. It was a pretty atypical choice - he usually tended to swing for the sexual fences - but it certainly made an impact. Everyone but he and one of the Uchiha cousins downed a shot as a wave of grins, chuckles, and "hns" spread around the table.

The next few rounds were quite a bit tamer. As usual, Choji, Lee, and Neji keep things relatively safe and general audience rated, opting for some completely stereotypical statements about never not cleaning their plates, never skipping training, and never having worn a spandex jumpsuit, respectively. The three potential ANBU guys were also surprisingly uncreative, although one of them earned more than a few quality eye rolls for his goody-two-shoes volley of "Never have I ever failed a mission." _Okay, Braggy-san._

Then, they reached the Uchiha side of the table, and things turned interesting once more. It started with the cousin whom Shisui had referred to earlier in the night as Ebisu. He looked to be about Shisui's age and had typical Uchiha looks - dark hair, bedroom eyes, slim build - his most distinguishing feature consisting of a bit of a hook nose. While Naruto usually preferred to give people the benefit of the doubt, he had seemed like a bit of an asshole, and his chosen Never Have I Ever statement, made while glaring daggers at Sasuke, firmed up that suspicion quite nicely.

"Never have I ever kissed a _pink-haired medic-nin_."

 _Ouch._ Given that there was exactly one such individual in all of Konoha, there could be no doubt about whom the bastard was talking about. Of course, the results weren't a surprise to his intended target: Sasuke already _knew_ that Kiba, Shisui, and Naruto had also had the fortune of kissing his fiancee before. That being said, why his dear cousin felt the need to _remind_ him of it on his bachelor party night was quite unclear. _Not to mention a real shitty thing to do._

"He's probably just jealous," Naruto whispered to Sasuke as they put down their sake glasses in tandem.

"Tch. Shut up, _dobe_. It's Ebisu. Of course he's jealous," he retorted with a smirk.

 _Uchiha clan dynamics were_ so _weird_.

The Uchiha who was apparently still a chunin was up next, and Naruto couldn't really say that he liked the look in _his_ eye either. He had a bit of a ratty face, and the way he was smirking at Sasuke was kind of nasty. Like he was totally about to wipe the floor with his ass or something. "Never have I ever _sucked dick_ ," he crowed, dark eyes gleaming.

Two chairs down, Shisui snorted as literally everyone else at the table helped themselves to a shot. "Was that really the _best_ you could do, Naoya-kun? You do realize that, in addition to your attitude being kind of backwards and homophobic, that that's a part of basic jounin-level seduction training, right?"

 _Okay. Maybe Shisui wasn't so bad after all_. The whole trying to sleep with Sakura-chan thing back in March had been pretty unfortunate, but he was putting on a quality performance in his little cousin's defense tonight. _And he was kinda funny, too_.

* * *

The game ended eight rounds later as an apparently unflappable Shisui drank to the Nara heir's admission that "Never have I ever tried bondage."

"Really, Shika? With a signature clan jutsu like yours, I'd think that was a natural fit," came the curly-haired Uchiha's final retort from across the table as he set down glass #10 to drunken laughter. "Not that I'm volunteering, but you should _really_ try it sometime."

"Ya know, _teme_ , I think we were wrong. Shisui's a pretty good guy," Naruto observed with a chuckle, eyes sliding from the tabletop to his friend's face as the party began breaking up around them.

To his great surprise, Sasuke met his gaze over the lip of an empty Never Have I Ever sake cup (his ninth). Which, given how the rules of the game worked, could only mean one thing. _Shisui wasn't the only Uchiha who liked being tied up._

"Wait, Sas. You, uh, haven't _actually_ tried…"

Dark eyes rolled in clear impatience. " _Dobe_. What does it look like?"

Okay. So, Naruto was well aware that there were all sorts of weird ticks and kinks out there (not that bondage was even all that weird in the greater scheme of things) and that ANBU shinobi were, on the whole, a pretty… _creative_ bunch. He'd also paid enough attention over the past few years to know that Sasuke was no saint and had been involved with his fair share of kunoichi, particularly during his ANBU days. Thanks to drunken nights such as this, he'd heard briefly about at least four different one-night stands, a threesome, several rotating partners who were down for seemingly anything, and a couple of seduction missions that were technically classified business.

The thing was, that something like _bondage_ , at least to _his_ mind, seemed so... _personal_. The sort of actively you'd only really attempt with a partner whom you cared about and trusted. Which didn't seem to fit pre-Sakura Sasuke _at all_. In the past, on those few occasions when Sasuke had talked about his assorted liaisons, he had made it sound like it had been just sex. A way to blow off steam, with no emotional ties involved. As such, this new revelation _definitely_ demanded some further investigation. Unless…

"You and _Sakura-chan_ haven't…" Naruto murmured, scratching the back of his neck nervously. Sakura _really_ didn't seem the type, particularly given that he was pretty sure that Sasuke had been her first, but, well, one never knew! To be honest, he wasn't really sure _he_ wanted to know...

Sasuke gave his dark head a short shake. "Of course not. Don't be stupid. It was… a while ago."

"You mean in ANBU?"

"Ah."

"Oh. Wow." Naruto chuckled awkwardly, playing with one of the empty shot glasses still on the table in an effort to relieve some of the tension. "You, uh, really _did_ get up to all sorts of... stuff back then, didn't ya, _teme_?"

Sasuke sighed, running a hand over his flushed face. _Was it just the liquor, or was Sasuke actually a bit embarrassed to be having this conversation?_ It was hard to say, and his ever-impassive tone gave nothing away. "It's not a big deal, Naruto. It wasn't anything _serious_. A one-time thing with someone I'd been sleeping with off and on for a couple of months. She wanted to try it, and... well…"

He trailed off with a shrug, clearly done with the conversation. But Naruto wasn't ready to let go quite yet. "And... have you talked to Sakura-chan about it?"

Sasuke scowled. "You really are an idiot, _dobe_. Why would Sakura _ever_ want to hear about something like that?"

The blonde saw his point. Talking about kinky shit you used to do with other women did _not_ sound like quality dinner date material, and Sasuke had always been pretty hopeless with putting his emotions into words. All the same, Naruto couldn't help but wonder whether a "don't ask, don't tell" policy was really the correct approach to take here. It certainly wasn't how he and Hinata handled those sorts of things, at any rate. Not that either of them had had _anything_ quite like that in their relationship pasts.

"I dunno," Naruto mused slowly, trying to figure out how to best put all that he wanted to convey into words Sasuke wouldn't just "tch" at. "It's just, well, Sakura-chan's your _fiancee_. The woman you'll be spending the rest of your life with. Don't you think she… _deserves_ to know a bit about your sexual history?"

Leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest, Sasuke looked decidedly unconvinced (he'd always been a stubborn one). Still, tempting as it was to let the matter slide, Naruto decided to give it one more try. For Sakura-chan's sake, if nothing else.

"Look at it this way, Sas. People talk."

The Uchiha snorted. "People like _you,_ you mean."

 _Hey!_ Aware that this might be just the crack in Sasuke's boneheaded armor that he'd been looking for, Naruto suppressed his outrage at that totally unfair bit of slander and ran with it. "Exactly. People like me talk. And, when people like me - Kiba; Ino; that asshole cousin of yours, Ebisu; even, say, the women who you let tie you up -"

"Tch. _Dobe_ , let's not misrepresent the facts as they stand. I never said that _I_ was the one who -"

"That's not my point, _teme_!" _Kami, the bastard could be so_ frustrating _sometimes. Didn't Sasuke get that he was only trying to_ help _him?_ "What if this mystery ANBU chick decides she wants to fuck with you, Sasuke? If _she_ goes out and finds Sakura and starts telling her all the details of all the pervy shit that the two of you did? How you, I don't know, tied her up and tickled her sides until she screamed. Don't you think it would be better if Sakura heard about all _that_ from you first?"

Another eye roll. "I don't really see _why_ Akira would," he muttered, seemingly half to himself. "We both agreed it was just physical. It wasn't like we were ever _exclusive_ or anything. She was sleeping with at least two or three other guys besides me. And Sakura knows how I feel about -"

He broke off, seeming to realize all at once where he was and whom he was talking to. "Tch. I'll _think_ about it. Later. Okay, _dobe_?"

Naruto grinned widely, relief washing over him. For that simple concession was all that he had _really_ been looking for. "Sounds good. Ya know, it took you long enough, but I knew you'd get there eventually, _dead last_."

At that, Sasuke's lips tilted upwards in a challenging smirk. " _Dead last_ , hn? Last I checked, you were the only dead last around here. Well, you, my shitty cousins, and Kiba. You can all compete for the honor."

"Oh YEAH?" _What an insult. To be lumped in with Kiba_ and _Ebisu. It was unforgivable!_ Not to mention patently untrue. Because he had achieved all sorts of firsts lately and was totally going to rub them in Sasuke's stupid, pretty-boy face. "If you ask _me,_ I've been beating you all over the place lately," he retorted heatedly, flush with the sweet, sweet taste of victory. "First one in a real relationship. First one engaged. First one married. First one to go on a honeymoon. First one with _a baby_ on the way."

 _Oh shit._ Naruto's jaw dropped open in utter and complete horror as he realized what his stupid, stupid liquored-up brain had made him do. _Hinata had_ told _him not to say anything about the baby. Something about how she was only like a month along, so the pregnancy as really just touch-and-go at this point._ He never _really_ understood all that medic-nin mumbo jumbo she and Sakura-chan were always blabbering about. But he'd still been meaning to respect her wishes all the same, it being her slightly pregnant body and all. _Fuck. She was going to_ kill _him. Gentle fist to the face, here we go._

Meanwhile, to his left, he could hear Sasuke _chuckling_ , the sake clearly having an effect on him too. It was pretty obnoxious, utter and complete asshole behavior of the most egregious type. That was until he dropped a rather juicy bit of news of his own.

"A _baby_ , hn? Nice try, but you'd best _keep_ trying, _dobe_. I'm pretty sure I've gotten you beat there too since _Sakura's due with our child at the end of the year_."

Glancing up from the wooden table, Naruto found Sasuke staring back at him, the terror at having accidentally spilled Hinata's secret thirty second ago reflected in the Uchiha's own shell-shocked gaze. "Fuck. Naruto, forget I said that."

"Uh, sure thing, _teme_! And, yeah, same to you!"

At the very least, he now understood the mid-June wedding date!


	5. Sakura's Pre-Wedding Jitters

_[AN: Okay, next chapter! I hope everyone's doing all right out there in this crazy world. Thanks for all the feedback on the previous installment... much appreciated! In the preceding chapter, I was trying to capture Naruto's kind of all-of-the-place nature in my style, and I wasn't sure how I felt about it, so it was lovely to hear the love :). As usual, this content is rated M, and I do not own Naruto.]_

In almost exactly one week's time, Haruno Sakura would be Uchiha Sakura. As the bride-to-be sat somewhat stiffly on her living room sofa, clad in her newly purchased little black dress (complete with a chic dropped waist for unmentionable reasons), she was pretty sure she had never been so simultaneously terrified of and thrilled by a simple fact in her life.

The month of May had positively fled by in a discombobulated whirl of dress fittings and celebratory toastings and prenatal vitamins and flower consultations and catering appointments and baby name books and awkward Uchiha clan gatherings and hair appointments and furtive maternity wear shopping trips and deeply uncomfortable family dinners and honeymoon planning and prenatal check-ups and wedding reception table charts and more pregnancy sex than should be legal. It had been a wonderful, glorious, nerve-wracking time... and a part of her couldn't _wait_ for it to be over. For it to be just her and Sasuke, toasting their brand-new, super-awesome life together with a couple of nonalcoholic cocktails as they sat poolside somewhere in the Land of Tea, her cute little baby belly on full, unrepentant display in a daring red-and-white polka-dotted two piece.

 _And, yet... did she really want it all to end? For them to enter into that great beyond also known as married life?_

Yes, sitting in her apartment, waiting for Ino, Hinata, and Tenten to whisk her away for a night of bachelorette revelry, Sakura couldn't help but wonder what would happen when all the parties stopped. When their baby showed up in late December or early January, _a full trimester_ ahead of even the earliest expectations. When all the "we're so happy for yous!" and "you make such a beautiful couples!" changed to murmurs about her workaholic tendencies and his ANBU past. Would they still be happy then? Would the Uchiha, a clan renowned for their ocular dojutsu, accept an Acting Clan Matriarch with pink hair and green eyes instead of a Sharingan? Would she _ever_ get used to all the speculation and curiosity that inevitably came with being one of Konoha's "power couples"? And what of Sasuke? In the long run, given everything he'd done, everything he'd been through in ANBU, everything that was expected of him, would she truly be enough? As a partner? As a lover? As the mother of his child? _As his wife?_

 _Oh, Kami, there she went, ruining her fancy manicure by scratching off half of the burgundy polish on her right index finger. Ino was going to absolutely_ murder _her._

With a sigh, Sakura rose to her bare feet and made a beeline for the bathroom. Her friends were supposed to arrive in five minutes, leaving her with just enough time for a touch-up.

Grabbing the bottle of lacquer from the medicine cabinet, she perched atop the closed toilet seat and applied a coat to the damaged nail, painfully aware that her technique was woeful compared with the salon technician and that Ino had eyes like a hawk. _And the_ last _thing she needed was something else for Ino to get suspicious about._ Sakura was _pretty_ sure that her secret remained safe, but her best friend had been sniffing around for weeks now and had definitely noticed something. Lately, there had been a calculating glimmer in her ice-blue eyes that promised nothing but trouble.

Two minutes of fervent blowing and wrist shaking later, a faint knock caused Sakura to almost dump the bottle of polish all over her lap. "Yoohoo! Forehead, darling! We're here!"

"Coming! I'm in the bathroom!"

Sakura screwed the top back onto the polish and jammed the little glass jar back into the cabinet, pausing to give her reflection a quick once-over in the mirrored door. Other than a bit of a nervous flush, she looked pretty good, actually… _way_ better than she felt. The plum-colored shadow her aesthetician had used made the green of her eyes really pop, whatever cream they'd applied to her hair had magically tamed the frizz and flyaways that usually characterized her style, and the baby was doing wonders for her skin: her peaches-and-cream complexion had _never_ been clearer.

Giving herself a forced smile, Sakura exited the bathroom and swept down the hall, through the living room, and to her apartment door. _She had no business sulking. Life was good. Tonight would be fun._ Swinging it open, she found herself face to face with her expected guests: the trio of kunoichi otherwise known as her three best female friends.

They'd certainly gone all out for the occasion. In the center stood Ino, clad in a form-fitting little plum number with a halter-style neckline and a hem that showed off quite a bit of leg. To her left was Tenten, hair done up in her usual twin buns, the burgundy embroidery that garnished the neckline of her qipao-style white top perfectly matching the hue of her mid-thigh-length skirt. Finally, on the right was Hinata. Unlike her companions, her knee-length lavender dress was loose and flowy, the V-neck showing off her generous bustline to enviable effect.

"Ooh, Sak, you look _fabulous_!" The weapons mistress squealed by way of a greeting. "I love the dress. The retro dropped-waist thing they're showing this year is _so_ you."

"Yes, doesn't she though?" Ino cooed. "We took off from work early and stopped by Madame Ito's for some much needed R&R. For the record, the shadow they picked out fo her was _totally_ my idea."

Sakura giggled, the presence of her friends instantly lifting her stormy spirits. "Thanks, guys! Loving the boots, Ten, and the blowout, Hina - sign me up for whatever conditioning regimen you're using. Do you wanna come in for a few minutes before dinner?" She wouldn't be drinking, of course, but, thanks to the surprise nature of her pregnancy, she still had quite the stash of alcohol kicking around.

Tenten looked all for it, but a definitive head shake from Ino stopped the brunette in her tracks. "That's okay, Forehead! We're on a tight schedule tonight, and there will be _plenty_ of time for indulging in a bit. Now, strap on those party boots and grab your clutch. That red one I got you for your birthday the other year would be perfect. It's time for a night to remember!"

Sakura ducked for the coat closet just inside her front door to finish accessorizing. Meanwhile, Tenten rounded on the blonde. "A night to remember, huh, Ino? Now that we're minutes away from getting this party started, care to fill us in?"

"All shall be revealed in time!" The blonde cackled. Ino had been saying that off and on for a couple of weeks now, and it was getting just the _tiniest_ bit annoying. Although, Sakura had to give her some credit: The fact that Tenten and Hinata were also still in the dark regarding their agenda _was_ pretty impressive given how much she usually sucked at keeping secrets.

With her ankle booties on and clutch in hand, Sakura joined her friends out in the hallway. She locked the door, performed one of her basic protective jutsus (for a single kunoichi could never be too careful), and they were off, down three flights of stairs and out onto the bustling Konoha street, the sunset casting the world around them ablaze with oranges and pinks.

"All right, ladies. Follow my lead!" Ino cried out dramatically, completely ignoring the curious stares as she turned left, in the direction of the Commercial District. "As our beloved Guy-sensei might say, the Springtime of Youth waits for no shinobi!"

"I'm not really sure that that's _quite_ how it goes…" Tenten murmured as they followed in the wake of their fearless leader, her long, blonde ponytail bobbing behind her as she wove through the Saturday evening revelers, couples, and families out enjoying the glorious early summer weather.

Sakura quickly fell into stride beside the Hyuuga heiress, a happy development given that she'd barely seen the woman since her return from her Hot Water Country honeymoon a couple of weeks ago. Despite what Naruto had said about a stomach bug, she looked well enough tonight, cheeks delicately pink as they speed-strutted towards their mysterious dinner destination.

"I'm glad you were able to join us, Hinata-chan," she commented warmly. "I know you've been a bit under the weather, but it really wouldn't have been the same without you."

The dark-haired kunoichi smiled sweetly. "Oh, I wouldn't have missed your bachelorette for the world, Sakura-chan! I am sorry it's been so long since we've gotten together. The past couple of months have been a blur. So many big life changes."

 _She could say that again._

Hinata paused, button nose wrinkling rather adorably. "Anyway, how are you and Sasuke-kun managing? Enjoying the wedding planning process? Looking forward to the big day?"

Sakura's stomach flipped less than pleasantly, the nerves she'd been doing her best to suppress rising to the surface yet again. "Oh yes, we're excited, of course," she replied with what she hoped wasn't too fake of a smile. "It's hard to believe we've got just a week to go. The planning's been a bit… _intense_."

Mm… that's certainly the word for it." Hinata nodded sagely, pearly eyes wide with sympathy. "Naruto-kun and I had almost a year to get everything in order. It must be so stressful with your tight schedule! Hopefully, you and Sasuke-kun have received plenty of support, at least?"

"Mikoto-san's been lovely," the medic-nin replied, expertly skipping over the allusion to the accelerated timeline that she and Sasuke were on. _Ino's interrogation had been bad enough._ "I don't know what either of us would have done without her, particularly now that my parents are retired and living outside of Konoha. She's been with me every step of the way. Attending all the kimono fittings, tastings, and assorted venue appointments; helping to select the flowers, stationary, and party favors; assisting with the seating charts; guiding me through the assorted Uchiha clan traditions and expectations for the ceremony..."

Sakura paused, suppressing a grimace at the memory of how much work they still had left to do. _It was most definitely time for a change in conversation._ "But enough about all the wedding madness for now. How has married life been treating you and Naruto-kun? You know, we've had a few Team Seven get togethers since you've been back in the village, and I don't think I've ever seen him happier."

At that, Hinata's smile became just the slightest bit fixed. "Coming back after the honeymoon was a bit… of an _adjustment_. Hot Water Country really was a magical experience, and I'm not sure either of us were ready to leave. But we're getting back into more of a rhythm now: outfitting our apartment, catching up on everything we missed while we were away, getting organized for... the months ahead. You know."

"Ha. And I bet you're _loving_ no longer having to sneak around behind the Hyuuga Elders, huh Hina?" Tenten cut in, shooting the dark-haired kunoichi a knowing smirk over her shoulder. "It's been bad enough for Neji and me. I can only imagine how rough it was trying to get some alone time with Naruto-kun as Hiashi-sama's eldest."

" _Well_ … ye-ee-sss. That's certainly been one of the, uh… _benefits_ ," the Hyuuga sputtered, cheeks turning positively scarlet.

"Are the Uchiha Elders crazy traditionalists when it comes to sex and relationships too?" Tenten asked, brown eyes drifting to Sakura herself. "I kind of assumed so, being one of Konoha's founding clans and all. _Although_... Sasuke does have a bit of _a_ reputation. Has it helped?"

" _Helped_?"

The kunoichi nodded cheerily. "I mean, not that you're _boring_ or anything. But, if I were an Uchiha Elder, I'd be just _thrilled_ to see Sasuke settling down with a kunoichi like you. You know, given everything he supposedly got up to while in ANBU."

 _That was certainly an interesting way of thinking about Sasuke's romantic past. Not to mention classic foot-in-her mouth Tenten._

Sakura swallowed hard, trying to ignore the sudden memory of her conversation with one of Sasuke's old ANBU flames back on Training Ground 1 just a little over a month ago. Rationally speaking, she knew that the absolutely _ridiculous_ gossip about her soon-to-be husband's exploits was something she was just going to have to get used to. Sexy ex-ANBU from prominent clans were, rather unsurprisingly, a prime source of speculation for the Konoha rumor mill, and Sasuke definitely fit that mold. Besides, even if he _had_ slept with over two-hundred different women, including the Mizukage - _an impressive feat given that he had never even_ been _to Kiri_ \- times had changed. The man she was marrying next weekend _loved_ her… was committing _his life_ to her, for Kami's sake! Whatever happened before was ancient history that _really_ shouldn't be worth her time.

Still, snappy Inner-led pep talk aside, as they turned left onto the main drag of the bustling Commercial District, Sakura was finding it surprisingly difficult not to let Tenten's offhand comment get to her a bit. _Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones addling her brain. Tsunade-sama had warned her about that._

Of course, the ever-perceptive Hyuuga Hinata noticed. "Sakura-chan? Is everything all right?" The woman's voice was soft and sweet, her pale eyes wide with concern, immediately drawing Sakura's wandering attention back to the present.

"What? Oh, yes, sorry. I just remembered something I needed to do... for the, uh, centerpieces at the reception," she lied. "Now... what were we talking about? The Uchiha Elders? Yes, they're just as old fashioned as you're thinking. I mean, Sasuke-kun isn't even _the_ heir, and a few of them are _still_ of the opinion that our marriage is compromising the clan, never mind the _decades_ of medical research showing that purity of the blood has absolutely no effect on dojutsu and leads to some nasty genetic risks to boot."

Sakura paused there, dearly hoping that her latest volley would finally steer the conversation back towards safer, less stress-provoking subjects. Unsurprisingly, Hinata was still frowning - she had always had an impressively high emotional IQ - but it appeared that Tenten was willing to take the bait. Having been subjected to over a decade of Hyuuga stodginess, she was usually down for a good bit of clan bashing.

True to form, the weapons mistress clucked her tongue dismissively. "Right. Like your and Sasuke's future kids aren't going to be _anything_ but crazy powerful. Clan Elders can be _such_ idiots. No offense, of course, Hinata-chan!"

With one more searching glance in Sakura's general direction, the Hyuuga heiress smiled sheepishly. "None taken. I realize that tou-san can be… difficult. And, if we're going to be honest, I believe my husband might agree with you!"

At that, Tenten let out a peal of uproarious laughter that caused an older civilian couple passing by to jump a good foot in the air, and Sakura finally felt some of the tension that had been building between her shoulder blades ease. _She could_ really _go for one of Sasuke-kun's massages about now._

Giving her neck a small stretch to the left, she noted that Ino's march had brought them midway down the highest-rent street in Konoha, a couple of blocks over from the shop where they had purchased her bridal kimono just a couple of weeks ago. Either the blonde had picked a scenic route or wherever they were headed was quite the ritzy eatery, a fact that the ever-curious Tenten also noticed with more than a little interest. "Hey, Ino!" she called out to the tenacious blonde, "I think I know where we are. You didn't, by any chance, manage to get us into _Katana_ , did you?"

At that, Ino finally came to a stop. Left hand on her hip and ruby-painted lips turning up in a sassy smirk, she twirled on her black patent heels to face her companions. "And what if I _did_?"

Tenten let out a noise that could only be described as a squeal as Hinata's jaw dropped. And, yes, their reactions were a bit over the top, but not by much. Because Katana, the modern Japanese restaurant whose black-lacquered doors the blonde just happened to have stopped to pose rather dramatically in front of, was without a doubt the swankiest place for dinner in all of Fire Country. Renowned for its bold and innovative _kaiseki_ menu and legendary sake pairings, it was the sort of establishment where foreign diplomats frolicked, clan heads mingled, and the Hokage's retinue dined. Why, it was even rumored that the Daimyo himself, after taking his first bite of their tuna tataki last summer, had attempted to lure away the _chef de cuisine_ with promises of immense wealth and a palace larder stocked with delicacies, only to be politely yet firmly rebuffed.

The reservation was an undeniably sweet gesture on Ino's part: a testament to what a wonderful, caring, _generous_ friend she really, truly was, all their years of silly bickering and name calling aside. And yet, as she stood there, on the granite-edged sidewalk, contemplating the next two-and-a-half hours of her life, Sakura found herself suppressing tears not of gratitude, but of _terror_. Because _kaiseki_ usually meant leaving one's dining experience up to the chef. And the chef, like everyone else in Konoha not named Haruno Sakura, Uchiha Sasuke, or Senju Tsunade, had absolutely _no_ idea that the pink-haired kunoichi whom he'd soon be serving was _pregnant._

With a wink in Sakura's shell-shocked direction, the blonde swung open the doors and led them into an entrance way dimly lit by votive candles. Stepping right up to the podium, she smiled politely at the elegant civilian woman behind it, positively oozing future clan head polish. "Yamanaka… party of four. We have a seven o'clock reservation."

"Ah yes, the bachelorette party," the hostess replied with a small nod of her chestnut curls. "Please give me a minute, Yamanaka-san, and I'll make sure that they're ready for you in the dining room."

The brunette dipped through the doorway behind her, the sounds of polite conversation and the smell of some sort of grilled meat filtering over their little party. "Ino…" Sakura murmured, throat tight with a peculiar mixture of deep appreciation and unadulterated dread, "Oh, Ino. You _really_ shouldn't have."

"Tut tut. None of that tonight, Forehead, _darling_ ," the blonde purred. "I mean, never say never, but you'll _hopefully_ only be getting married once. As such, it's _only_ appropriate to toast away your single life with the best that Konoha has to offer."

Sakura bit her lip, not even sure how to begin to respond. Very fortunately, the hostess's prompt return saved her the trouble. Picking up four menus, she gave the quartet a small smile and then inclined her head in the direction of the door through which she'd come. "This way, please."

Trying to ignore the nerves churning through her stomach, Sakura dutifully followed the woman's lead through the dining room doorway and into an elegant room with generously spaced hardwood tables, perfectly polished slate floors, and cream-colored walls on which hung enough antique ninja weaponry to leave Tenten drooling. A mahogany bar ran the full length of the restaurant, behind which a flotilla of chefs were hard at work, turning out mouthwatering creation after creation.

As Ino had apparently requested, they were seated at the far end of this counter, which gave them a bird's eye view of the activity in the kitchen. While undeniably impressive, the perch did little to calm the bachelorette's fears. As anticipated, a good _seventy percent_ of what Sakura could see was _raw fish_.

After passing out menus and wishing them an enjoyable evening, the hostess departed, and Tenten erupted, her brown eyes wide with excitement as a sous chef carefully plated a paper-thin piece of salmon sashimi mere feet from where they were seated. "Neji and I have been dying to try this place for like _two years_ , Ino! How did you _ever_ get a reservation? And on such short notice, too!"

To Sakura's immediate right, the blonde shrugged, a coy smile adorning her glossy pink lips. "They always hold a handful of tables for VIPs. And, you know I don't like to kiss and tell… but I happened to have a bit of an _in_ with the head bartender, if you know what I mean!"

Sakura understood. And she found it pretty hard to care about her best friend's sex life at that moment, amusing though the whispered story that followed about sneaking into Katana for a bit of kitchen nookie after hours may have been. Because, as she read through a carefully composed, positively delicious-sounding dinner of pregnancy no-nos that included sushi, sashimi, poached tuna, broiled swordfish, and filet mignon seared rare, Sakura's mind was wholly consumed with one, seemingly insurmountable task: Figuring out how to tell her dining companions that she was presently unable to consume a good _three-quarters_ of the menu.

The answer turned out to be Hyuuga Hinata.

In typically prim and proper fashion, the Hyuuga heiress cut into Ino's and Tenten's giggle-filled conversation from Sakura's left, cheeks rosy and Byakugan eyes wide. "Excuse me, Ino-chan? I apologize for the interruption. Maybe... we should touch base about what we'll be ordering?"

From her seat at the far end of the bar, Tenten let out a rather dramatic sigh. "Oh, Hina. There's only _one_ possible answer to that. _Kaiseki_ or bust, girl!"

The Hyuuga woman's blush deepened. "Ah, ye-es-ss, I thought you might say that…" she replied somewhat hesitantly. "It's just… well… I have some recently imposed… _dietary restrictions._ And, delicious as the _kaiseki_ menu looks, there's quite a bit that I won't be able to eat. Most of it, actually."

 _Thank, Kami_. A blonde eyebrow arched imperiously, but, for once, Sakura beat the Yamanaka heiress to the metaphorical punch. "I totally agree, Hinata. Let's do _a la carte_. The _kaiseki_ menu does look good - amazing, actually - but I'm trying to behave myself ahead of the wedding, and I really don't want to accidentally order too much."

Ice-blue eyes rolled. "Oh come _on_ , ladies, It's Sakura's _bachelorette night_. Surely, you can splurge _a little_? I mean, I'm technically on a diet too, but special occasions were made for exceptions!"

To Sakura's great surprise and admitted amusement, Hinata's jaw locked in an unprecedented moment of defiance. _Could her new husband's legendary stubbornness be rubbing off on her?_ "Ino-chan. I'm afraid I must _insist,_ " she replied, no trace of nervousness or hesitancy in her tone.

The blonde blinked a few times in quick succession, clearly just as surprised by Hinata's forcefulness as Sakura herself. Then, with a little shrug, she seemingly recovered her bearings. " _Fine_. Since you and the bride-to-be are apparently in cahoots, we can nix the full _kaiseki_ thing. Ten and I will just have to treat ourselves some other time. Now, how about a drink? They've got this _amazing_ sake all the way from Kumo that I know you'll both just _love_ …"

Sakura internally grimaced. She'd seen the alcohol question coming ever since Ino had first informed her that she'd be planning her bachelorette and _really_ wasn't looking forward to dealing with it. Over the past few weeks, she'd leaned hard on the "clean lifestyle ahead of the big day!" schtick, but there was absolutely no way that Ino was going to buy into it tonight. After all, Sakura's penchant for fancy sake was almost as legendary as Tsunade's at this point, and the blonde knew that better than anyone else in the village. _Maybe, she could cast a genjutsu on her sake cup and fool them all that way? It seemed a shame to waste such quality product, but desperate times..._

Once again, it was Hyuuga Hinata to the rescue. And this time around, she absolutely outdid herself.

" _Sake_?" The dark-haired kunoichi repeated, as if the word itself were poison, "Oh _no._ I _couldn't_. Alcohol is, uh, one of the new restrictions, you see. And it's not exactly a diet, Ino-chan. It's more of a medical requirement. Per Tsunade-sama herself, actually."

She fell silent as Tenten suddenly leaned down the bar, peering around Ino and Sakura as if she couldn't believe her ears. "Wait one second. _Hinata_. You're not… _pregnant_ , are you?"

"I… _am_ ," came the whispered reply, pale eyes focused intently on her neatly folded hands. At the admission, her cheeks turned bright pink. "But please don't tell anyone yet! I'm just over a month along..."

Sakura felt her jaw drop. To her right, Ino and Tenten appeared similarly dumbstruck, their perfectly manicured eyebrows arched upwards towards their hairlines in twin expressions of utter shock and awe. _Hinata was pregnant. She and Naruto were having a baby too!_

As her mind began to process this bit of news, Sakura felt a sudden rush of emotion come over her. She could see it now… the future play dates, the birthday parties, the celebratory milestones, the Academy study sessions, and, even, at some far distant date, the experience of serving side by side as fellow shinobi of the Leaf.

 _Hold it together, Sakura-chan!_

Furtively, wiping away the absolutely _ridiculous_ tears that had suddenly decided to make an appearance, Sakura pulled the Byakugan wielder in for a side hug. "Congratulations, Hinata-chan! I'm just _thrilled_ for you and Naruto-kun."

"Tha-a-ank you," the woman stammered. "I'm, uh, very sorry for mentioning it tonight! I was meaning to tell you all sometime _after_ your bachelorette. It's just… I was getting so tired of keeping it to myself, and I felt so _guilty_ about lying. When Tenten asked..."

Sakura couldn't help but laugh. "Oh, no worries, Hinata! I _completely_ understand!"

 _Far better than she knew._

* * *

After Hinata's baby reveal, everything fell rather neatly into place. Taking full advantage of the escape avenue that the Hyuuga heiress had so generously provided, Sakura promptly insisted that it would _only_ be fair to join her dark-haired friend in an alcohol-free evening, a proclamation that Ino let slide with an over-it shrug and a somewhat incredulous, "Suit yourself, Forehead!"

Sakura had admittedly been a _little_ envious of the series of sake-based cocktails that graced Tenten's and Ino's place mats over the course of the two-plus hours that had followed. That being said, the pineapple-mango spritzers that she and Hinata ordered had been pretty freaking good - the perfect balance of sweet and tart - and her own baby's health and well-being were obviously more than worth the minor inconvenience. As for the food, while _kaiseki_ may have been Katana's claim to fame, the kitchen's _a la carte_ dishes turned out to be just as memorable. Sakura was pretty sure she was going to have dreams about the miso-poached breast of chicken with wood ear, baby bok choy, and jasmine-scented rice that she'd feasted on for her entree, while the umeboshi compote atop the polenta cake that she'd ordered for dessert was 100% swoon worthy.

Even better, not only did Hinata's announcement rectify all of Sakura's menu woes, but it also ended up providing a most-welcome subject of conversation for the vast majority of the dinner, keeping the discussion largely off of more sensitive, Uchiha-Haruno-centric subjects. Perhaps, a more showy bride-to-be would have been disappointed or even annoyed by the redirection of the party's attention, but after weeks of fielding prying questions from anyone and everyone about her whirlwind relationship and upcoming wedding, Sakura _really_ couldn't say that she minded Hinata's accidental usurpation of the evening.

They were back out on the street by nine-fifteen, the bright lights and Saturday bustle of the Konoha Commercial District vibrant as ever. Between the extra hours she'd been putting in at the hospital ahead of her much-anticipated honeymoon, the wedding planning that had dominated each of her past six weekends, and the feeling of near-constant tiredness that accompanied the process of gestating new life inside one's womb, Sakura was somewhat tempted to call it a night. But, of course, Ino and Tenten, being Ino and Tenten, had other ideas, and, as the woman of the hour, she felt a certain responsibility to see the evening through. Besides, other than the awkward conversation with the weapons mistress on the walk over to Katana and that same, nagging uncertainty about the future that had pestered her on and off for the past few weeks, it _had_ been an enjoyable affair so far, not to mention a much overdue girls' night.

After a quick consultation, their next destination was decided: Kampai, a new lounge located just down the street from the restaurant that was apparently all the rage among the T&I crew. While Hinata had threatened to duck out with the observation that pregnant kunoichi and nightclubs didn't really seem to jive, Tenten and Ino had swiftly and efficiently obliterated that excuse. "Because," as the blonde menace declared, to the amusement of a couple of passing civilian men and the utter mortification of the dark-haired kunoichi in question, "Mamas-to-be deserve wild nights out too!"

Unsurprisingly given their day jobs, the intel from Ino's work associates turned out to be accurate: Despite the still early hour, the line to get into Kampai was out the door. It was somewhat hard to tell with everyone in party attire, but their fellow attendees appeared to be a roughly fifty-fifty split of civilians and shinobi. As they waited to get in, Sakura spotted two or three civilian nurses she knew from the hospital, a whole gaggle of shinobi she recognized as having been a year behind their class at the Academy, and, to Ino's great amusement, Uchiha Shisui. He was standing with a couple of other guys who, judging from the coloring and scowls, were two of his countless cousins. Upon noticing Sakura's rather conspicuous pink head, he gave her a salute and a grin that had her blushing despite herself. _What a flirt._

After twenty-something minutes, their party reached the front of the line. Sakura dutifully flashed her shinobi ID badge; Hinata, Ino, and Tenten all followed suit; and then they were waved inside by the burly bouncer, the beat of the music reverberating through them as they passed down a short hall and into the main room.

Her first thought upon entering? _Oh, Kami, was she under-dressed._ The club was just as trendy as Ino had promised: Midnight blue lighting tinged here and there with pops of lime green and neon indigo; an S-shaped bar that hugged most of the perimeter; high, arched ceilings that twinkled with hundreds of tiny lights; and a dance floor packed with revelers. "I don't know if I feel more like we're underwater or in space!" Tenten noted, honey-brown eyes sparkling with excitement.

Quite predictably, Ino took the lead, expertly bobbing and weaving her way through the crowd to a spot at the bar that magically opened upon her arrival. _Because some people had_ all _the luck_. With a bit of ducking and dodging of her own, Sakura joined her, Tenten and Hinata close on her heels. They ordered drinks from a scarlet-haired bartender with a lip ring and a bunch of tattoos - a gin and tonic for Tenten, a cranberry vodka for Ino, orange juice for Hinata, and water for Sakura herself - and then settled in for a bit of atmosphere absorbing/people watching.

"This is _such_ a cool place, Ino," the weapons mistress commented after taking an initial sip of her cocktail. "Major props to T&I for the recommendation."

"I know, right? We get a bad wrap for being a bunch of tight asses… but I swear that's really _just_ Ibiki- _jiji_. The younger staff - myself, Mari, Tomiko, Ebisu - are all pretty chill if I don't say so myself."

"Ebisu… do you mean _Uchiha_ Ebisu?" Sakura asked. Thanks to the numerous hours that she'd spent with Mikoto on setting arrangements and invites for the wedding, she was becoming increasingly fluent in clan names, even if she still couldn't keep all of those scowling faces straight.

Ino nodded, a familiar little spark warming her baby blue eyes. "That's right," she replied coyly, taking a sip of her cocktail. "He started just a few weeks ago. Although... we go back _much_ further than that, if you get my drift."

 _Another one of Ino's conquests_. "I don't think Sasuke-kun's particularly fond of him…" Sakura observed, swirling her glass. If she was remembering correctly, Ebisu was Sasuke's _least favorite_ cousin, actually, and, in a clan that numbered in the hundreds, that was saying something.

Ino shrugged. "Mm… yeah, he can be a bit of a stuck-up idiot. But, I mean, so can Sasuke-kun, right? I'm pretty sure that's an inherent part of the Uchiha DNA. Well, except for _possibly_ Shisui, although even _he_ has his moments."

"Speaking of… whatever happened between you and Uchiha Shisui, Sak?" Tenten asked. "I seem to recall the two of you being pretty cozy at your birthday."

The conversation had apparently returned to all things Haruno Sakura. Given a certain, unmentionable secret that she was sitting on and the stress of her upcoming wedding, the kunoichi in question wasn't exactly thrilled. That being said, she did understand the curiosity. After a quarter century of literal nothing, her love life had witnessed some interesting developments since March, and she'd previously been privy to quite a few of Tenten's, Hinata's, and Ino's romantic endeavors over the years. As such, it was only fair to return the favor.

"Well, it's _really_ Pig's fault," she began with a sigh. "Sasuke-kun and I…. we had a bit of a… a _falling out_ back in the middle of March." The blonde snorted, and Sakura shot the most threatening glare she could muster in her general direction. "Differing priorities and whatnot."

Hinata's eyes narrowed in thought. "Mid-March. Was that around the time of that brunch we all had together? If you don't mind my saying so, you _had_ seemed a bit preoccupied that day, Sakura-chan."

Sakura nodded fervently. "Exactly. That was actually the morning immediately after we… _disagreed_."

 _Him turning the night of her very long awaited sexual debut into a one-night stand could be termed a disagreement, right?_

"Anyway, long story short, Ino thought that the best way to get through to Sasuke was to make him jealous, so we enlisted Shisui's help. And, yeah, that was pretty much that."

Tenten giggled. "I see. _Ino,_ you meddlesome minx! Well, it certainly worked, didn't it? _And_ sweet little Sakura-chan got to lock lips with two of the Uchiha clan's hunkiest hunks, which is a bullseye in my book!"

The blonde tossed her long ponytail in self-satisfaction. "Right? Sasuke and Forehead owe me _big time_ ," she teased. "The _very least_ they could do is name their firstborn after me. I mean… Uchiha Ino has a nice ring to it, don't cha think?"

Having taken a sip of water seconds earlier, Sakura resisted the sudden urge to spew it all over the bar top. _Her and Sasuke's_ firstborn. _This conversation was entirely_ exceedingly _dangerous territory._ Which meant that it was high time for a diversion.

"I think I feel like dancing!" she erupted, totally ignoring the raised eyebrows that all three of her companions were now sporting. "Should we move this party to the dance floor?"

* * *

Sakura had never exactly been a dancing queen (Ino had that title firmly on lock down). And yet, tonight, she had never been more relieved to be out on the Kampai dance floor, doing her best to wiggle her body in time to the beat and remember enough of the lyrics to whatever top hit was being blasted so as to not feel _completely_ out of the Fire Country pop culture loop. Because every minute spent bopping was one less minute of chatting. And chatting was starting to feel like very risky business indeed.

 _Was Ino onto her? That firstborn comment had been a joke, right?_ Sakura's rational mind told her that it _had_ to be. It had been said in such a silly, offhand fashion that nothing else really made sense. And yet, some probably crazy, decidedly paranoid voice inside her head couldn't help but wonder if the blonde, after observing her assorted idiosyncrasies off and on for weeks now, had finally cracked the pregnancy puzzle and was simply playing with her food in classic T&I style. _Tenten had figured out Hinata's condition in literal seconds. What if Ino had done the same and was just leading her on?_

The pink-haired kunoichi snuck a glance in her best friend's direction, but, of course, there was nothing to glean other than the already well-known fact that Ino's hip-popping moves made Sakura's own quick-step look like amateur hour. As usual, in the roughly half-hour that they'd be dancing, Ino had attracted quite a few admirers, the most persistent of whom were a trio of civilian-looking men presently situated to their immediate right. While they weren't really _doing_ anything and the Yamanaka heiress could obviously more than hold her own, they'd been ogling Ino's body for a good few minutes with smiles that Sakura less than liked. _Why did liquor turn so many men into pervs?_

"Should we try to find Hina and Tenten?" Sakura half-shouted in the blonde's direction, willing her voice to carry over the music. Their little party had gotten separated soon after stepping out onto the dance floor, and now seemed as good a time as any to try and reunite.

Ino bobbed her head in time to the music, which seemed like it might also be a "yes." Figuring that it was as much of a response as she was going to get, Sakura took hold of her friend's right hand, shot the civilian _bakas_ the nastiest glower she could muster, and then proceeded to half-push, half-dance her way deeper into the fray, eyes peeled for Tenten's distinctive double-bun hairstyle and/or Hinata's dark mane.

They'd only made it fifteen or twenty steps from their previous position, however, when the sight of a nearby couple brought Sakura to a screeching halt.

The duo that had caught her attention, a slender, dark-haired man and a woman with chestnut hair and enviably long legs, were absolutely all over each other. As they danced - _if one could call what they were doing dancing -_ the man's hands traced along the small of the brunette's almost fully bare back, fingertips threatening to dip below the waistband of her short, black skirt. Had Sakura been in such a position, she would have been absolutely mortified and/or livid, but if this woman cared about being groped so visibly in public, she didn't show it. Gyrating and twisting against her partner in perfect time to the music, she appeared to be focused entirely on using her body to full effect, the motion of her hips so mesmerizing that Sakura found her own mouth going dry.

While the woman's back was to her, Sakura had a full view of her companion's face, and it was an achingly familiar one. Ebony eyes glazed over with lust; a perfectly sculpted jawline; and thin lips that, when not occupied with the brunette's own, were turned slightly upwards in a self-satisfied smirk that could only belong to an Uchiha.

 _No, it wasn't Sasuke-kun. This man had a hook nose._ But their appearances were otherwise so similar that Sakura felt her stomach plummet all the same. And when the couple's lips parted for a moment, presumably because someone needed to come up for air, and Sakura caught a glimpse of the kunoichi's face, she couldn't help but let out a gasp of dismay. For the woman whose knowing, laughing, baby-blue eyes she found herself staring _directly_ into was none other than Nakamura Akira. _Sasuke's former ANBU flame._

 _Was this what they used to do - Akira and Sasuke - back when they'd been an item? Hump against one another in a club for anyone and everyone to see? Was this how Sasuke_ really _liked his women, aggressive and on the prowl, in a barely-there outfit that left nothing to the imagination? Did Sasuke's dark eyes shine so hungrily, so eagerly,_ for Akira _, like his lookalike cousin's were now?_

Sakura swallowed hard, trying to ignore the fat tears threatening to expose her weakness to the world. _No, she wouldn't cry. Not in front of Akira._ But she did need to get out of there… fast.

Spinning on her heels in her haste to get away, the kunoichi stumbled backwards into another warm body. "Sakura… what the actual _fuck_?"

 _Right. Ino. Because they were still holding hands._ At first, the blonde looked rather irritated at having been unexpectedly body checked, but one glimpse at Sakura's face had her brow furrowing in concern. "Bathroom?"

Sakura nodded, not trusting herself to speak. Ceding control completely to her friend, she allowed herself to be led through the crowd, off the dance floor, and down a narrow hall illuminated by a neon "EXIT" sign hanging at the far end. With a small, meant-to-be-reassuring smile, Ino pushed the second door on the left open to reveal a neutral-colored, two-stall bathroom, and Sakura followed her in, studiously ignoring the large mirror hanging over the sinks.

After confirming that both stalls were unoccupied, Ino locked them inside and cast a low-level privacy jutsu on the door. Then, with a somewhat frustrated-sounding sigh, she leaned back against the partition separating the doors to the two stalls, her arms crossed over her chest. "Okay, Sakura. Enough's enough. _Spill_. You've been acting so _strange_ for weeks. Is Sasuke being an ass again? Is Mikoto-san secretly the future mother-in-law from hell? Is Uchiha Fugaku an even bigger tyrant than I thought? Is it just a case of cold feet ahead of the big day? Is the entirety of the goddamn Uchiha clan getting you down? Whatever it is, whomever needs a beating, you say the word, and good, old Ino-chan will take care of it."

They'd had their disagreements over the years, but Yamanaka Ino was truly one of a kind. Sakura could feel the tears gathering once more, but this time, they were accompanied by a warm rush of gratitude for the blonde's friendship. With a woebegone sniffle, she wiped her stinging eyes, vaguely noticing that the mascara they'd used on her at the salon didn't appear to be waterproof. _What a mess._

"It's Sasuke," she admitted. "But this time, it's not _really_ his fault. I trust Sasuke-kun… I _love_ him. But, I'm so worried, Ino. What if he decides it's not worth it? If he gets bored with his life in the village? With, well, _me_?"

 _Did that make any sense? Probably not._ Ino was frowning, which was never a good sign.

"Sakura…" the blonde began, "Oh, _Sakura_. Not to sound like a broken record… but you _do_ realize that you yourself are kind of a big deal, right? You're Senju Tsunade's apprentice, for Kami's sake! The only one who knows how our hospital system actually works! Not to mention a damn good kunoichi in your own right. Ask anyone outside the Uchiha clan, and they'll tell you the same as me: _Sasuke_ is _lucky_ to be marrying _you_."

 _This, again. Ino really didn't get it._ "Pig, I could be the Shodai Hokage himself, and it wouldn't matter. Relationships are a two-way street. Both halves of the couple need to feel supported. Like they're contributing and sacrificing equally. And, right now, I worry that Sasuke-kun _won't_. He's traded in an ANBU captaincy..."

"For a cushy position as the Acting Clan Head of one of the foremost clans in the village," the blonde finished somewhat snippily. "Is that _really_ a downgrade? I mean, I know Sasuke's one of those alpha-male types, and I'm sure that dealing with the Uchiha Elders day in and day out totally sucks, but even _he_ has to see that, long term, his new gig is pretty sweet, not to mention _way_ better for his longevity. Besides, ANBU might be synonymous with elite, but it can get pretty dark, Sakura. You hear stuff in T&I sometimes, you know."

Sakura nodded. As one of just a few medics in the village with clearance to treat ANBU nin, she'd seen the devastation that an S-rank mission gone wrong could wreck up close and personal more than once. "Still. ANBU has its perks too, right? The elite aspect you mentioned. The sense of responsibility and duty. The power. The camaraderie. The _women_."

Ino's eyebrows suddenly shot up towards her hairline. " _Sakura_. When you and Sasuke have been intimate. He's not… he hasn't done anything that has... _scared_ you or made you uncomf-"

"No!" Sakura wasn't entirely sure _what_ Ino was insinuating about her sex life, but, judging from her wide-eyed expression, it was something vile. "Sasuke-kun's been nothing but a gentleman! He knows that I've never…. you know… _done_ anything like this before. He's been very patient and... _gentle_ with me."

"That's good," the blonde replied somewhat weakly. "I didn't mean to imply that he hadn't. I just… well, in my admittedly limited experience, ANBU shinobi can have _peculiar_ tastes. I haven't heard anything about Sasuke _specifically_ , mind you. I'm more speaking in general terms..."

She trailed off, and Sakura grimaced. "I've heard the rumors too. He's probably done stuff that I can't even imagine!" _With sirens like Nakamura Akira, to boot._ "Really, Ino, how am I supposed to _ever_ measure up?"

This time around, her companion actually had the audacity to _laugh_. "Measure up? Oh, honey, you can't _compete_ with an ANBU kunoichi. When it comes to seduction, they're _trained professionals_! But, well, competition's not really the point, now is it?"

Sakura bit her lip, those same, pesky tears that had been threatening earlier rising to the surface once again. _If she couldn't possibly compete with Akira, then what was she_ supposed _to do? Accept that Sasuke was damaged goods and move on, her heart, imminent wedding, and baby be damned? Allow him whatever lovers he needed to sate his inner beast as long as he came home to her eventually? Look the other way and pretend that everything was fine?_

With a heavy sigh, Ino ran a hand through her hair. "Ugh. How do I explain this? Okay. So, great sex is, well, pretty great. And sex with an A- or S-class seduction specialist can be absolutely mind blowing if the shinobi in question decides that you're worth their while. But sex with someone you actually give a damn about… it's a whole different world, so to speak. The emotional connectivity, the knowledge that you're pleasuring someone you love, that certain _spark_ in the air… it's really _beyond_ compare. Trust me, I've been around the merry-go-round enough times to know."

Based on some of Ino's stories over the years, Sakura could believe that last bit. "Although, what if you miss it? The great sex?" _The mind-blowing sex with Nakamura Akira?_

Ino smiled wryly. "First off, great sex and romantic sex don't have to be mutually exclusive, Sakura. I know you're still pretty new to all this, but hopefully loverboy Uchiha has clued you into that much, at least."

Sakura felt her cheeks go scarlet, and Ino chuckled, only to sober up a minute later. "You have a point, though. Some people _do_ have a hard time committing to monogamy."

"So, how do I know Sasuke won't be one of those people? That he won't regret our marriage a year from now?"

"Honestly? You can't. I mean, _technically_ , I could take a peek inside his head and see if he's thinking about philandering, but that would be an utter and complete abuse of mind jutsu, and I'm already on thin enough ice with the clan on a regular basis as it is."

The blonde sighed, idly playing with the tail end of her ponytail. Then, as if struck by a sudden inspiration, her bright blue eyes ignited. "I _know_. What if... we conduct a little _test_. Introduce a new variable into Sasuke's nice, orderly environment and see how he responds. Like one of your medical research experiments."

Sakura frowned, not really sure where Ino was headed or whether she even knew what she was saying. Because, sure, she was a fully qualified medic-nin, but that didn't mean she understood any of the principles of _scientific research_. " _Okay…?"_

"Okay, so! The variable is gonna be some smoking hot ANBU babe. A total wildcard, am I right? Tomorrow morning, over breakfast, you'll pick a little pre-wedding fight with your darling Sasuke-kun. The subject's up to you… just make sure to get him good and pissed. Then, you'll stomp off in a huff, and we'll sic our temptress on him, stand back, and see what happens!"

Sakura grimaced as Ino prattled on about potential triggers to set Sasuke off. _Did she_ really _want to subject Sasuke-kun to_ more _scheming?_ He'd arguably deserved it last time, but this felt _very_ different. After all, he hadn't actually _done_ anything yet or even hinted that he intended to. And of course, the mere thought of giving some random kunoichi the green light to try and get into her soon-to-be husband's pants had her seeing red. _No. The whole mess with Shisui had been quite enough_.

True to form, Ino was still talking. Having moved on from what jutsu might best allow them to spy on a Sharingan wielder without being detected, she was now entering distinctly enraging territory. "As for the identity of the other woman… you leave that to me. I know _at least_ a couple of kunoichi who'd be more than happy to try their hand at bedding _the_ Uchiha Sas-"

"Ino," Sakura interrupted rather sharply, "I _appreciate_ your willingness to _help_. But… don't you think it would be better if Sasuke-kun and I just _talked this through?"_

The Yamanaka froze mid-sentence, full lips slowly turning upwards in a rather catlike smile. "Well, well, well, my little Forehead is growing up! Sakura, if you can manage to pull the words out of him, then _absolutely._ Not only is communication allegedly a _vital_ part of marriage, but you'd also run much less of a risk of your entire relationship blowing up in your face five days before your wedding."

 _Which was something she'd_ strongly _prefer to avoid, particularly given their baby situation. Speaking of_ …

Sakura eyed her friend contemplatively. While Ino's experiment concept was totally insane, it had felt pretty good to talk through some of the anxieties that had been plaguing her for weeks. _Would letting her know about the baby_ really _be so bad?_ The blonde _was_ a dreadful gossip, but she was also a loyal friend, crazy plots and seemingly endless drama aside, and she and Sasuke really only needed to keep the news quiet for six more days. _Even if Ino_ did _let something slip, how much damage could she_ truly _do?_ There was the little wrinkle that they'd agreed not to tell anyone until they were back from their honeymoon, but that was really a technicality. _Sasuke-kun wouldn't mind… would he? And it_ was _her body that was pregnant..._

Directing her attention back to the blonde, Sakura discovered that she was being closely watched. "There's something else, isn't there, Sak?"

Sakura nodded. _Enough hiding. It was time to throw caution to the winds._ "Yes. There is. Now, you seriously _can't_ tell anyone, but… Hinata's not the only one expecting."

For as long as Sakura had known Ino, there had been one great constant: the blonde never knew when to shut up. As such, the sudden, stupefied silence that greeted her pronouncement was positively unprecedented, as well as confirmation that her previous fears about Ino having been onto her had been nothing more than paranoia.

Ino blinked her long, mascaraed lashes a few times, full lips parted in utter and complete shock. "You're… how did… I never… _the baby's Sasuke's?_ " she finally managed to eke out.

Sakura realized that she had dropped a bit of an information bomb upon the blonde. _But seriously? Was that_ really _the best she could do?_ "Pig, you _idiot_ , whose else would it be?"

Ino nodded weakly. "Sorry! Sorry! You're complete right, of course! I just… well, I'm kind of not sure what to say right now, Forehead. I mean… I _guess_ that makes sense, but… _whoa_. That was fast."

Sakura felt her cheeks warming. She knew Ino meant no harm or judgment and was just trying to wrap her head around the news, but still. It was a little awkward. "It wasn't exactly intentional…"

The blonde pursed her lips. "Yeah, I didn't think so. Do people… know?"

"Sasuke-kun. And Tsunade-sama, since she… diagnosed me."

Another nod. _Kami, was it weird to see Ino thrown this far off balance._ "And your parents?"

Sakura shook her head. "Nope… neither do Sasuke-kun's. We're waiting until after the honeymoon to tell them. And, after that, the Uchiha Elders."

The blonde grimaced. "Well, that sounds like super not fun times. I mean, the two of you will be married by then, of course, but… _ugh_. I don't envy you. How far along are you, by the way? You don't look... crazy pregnant or anything."

 _How flattering_. "Over two months, actually. I think we, uh, _conceived_ around the end of March."

"So, on your birthday." The blonde smiled knowingly. "I have to say, Sak. I mean, I know you've always been efficient, but that was one _productive_ session of make-up sex. Not only did you get your whole relationship back on track and nail down a man infamous for his evasiveness, but making a baby on top of it… _damn_."

Sakura chuckled, mildly embarrassed but also rather relieved that Ino seemed to be finding her way back to her usual, moderately scandalous self. _Yes, it felt right telling Ino. Now, hopefully, she actually_ listened _to that bit about not spreading the news all over Konoha._


End file.
